June 2035: Months before divorce
𝄞 Babe (Taylor’s Version) - Taylor Swift
Kids. Work It. Album. Sadie’s life had revolved around those three things. Raising the kids; shooting the movie; recording the album. That was it, her whole life. She didn’t need to think about anything else because Kyra had said her first word. It was easy to repress the other things because she had to learn her lines. Learnt them? That’s okay, she had to write lyrics, anyway. What else did she even need to worry about when she was thinking about that? What even was there to worry about?
𝄞 Big mistake, you broke the sweetest promise that you never should have made
Then suddenly she remembered. The progression went quickly from slight crosses of minds to constant overthinking. The kids were going to school, the movie had been released, the album was finished and now Sadie couldn’t avoid or ‘forget’. And now, once again, every time she looked at Jordan, she couldn’t unsee it. The time she never initially gave herself to process what had happened had come as she knew it eventually would. She couldn’t have a conversation with Jordan without thinking about it. Time is supposed to heal, but how can it when the wound was staring her in the face every day?
August 2035: Months before divorce
It was just a kiss but it wasn’t. Yeah, she’s still thinking about it. But listen, it wasn’t just a kiss, with some girl. It was a decade of Sadie convincing herself that she was enough, maybe even - God forbid - more than enough, just for it to all be unravelled half an hour after Jordan crossed paths again with Jezebel. How much could Sadie have really meant if it took that little time? How could she trust Jordan when he did the one thing he knew would break her? No, she can trust him. Stop thinking of him like that. How can she think of her husband like that?
𝄞 Since you admitted it, I can’t unsee it,
She knew she should just talk to Jordan. But there was nothing he could do - would he even do anything? What if he just told her she was right, and the kiss wasn’t a mistake. Or the opposite, and that she was looking too far into it and being ridiculous. He wouldn’t understand. How could she marry someone who wouldn’t understand? What? No, how could she think that the person she married wouldn’t understand? She didn’t want Jordan to be this person she had made him out to be in her mind. He wasn’t that person, and he didn’t deserve someone who would think of him like that. Jezebel wouldn’t think of him like that. Would that image of him even cross her mind? Maybe Jordan deserved her more.
“Have you seen the pictures of Jordan with his new costar?” “Sadie, how do you stay so trusting when Jordan is filming romantic scenes?” "Have you and Jordan- " “Sadie, over here, do you-”
It was just normal paparazzi asking… relatively harmless questions. You know, the expected when walking to a store. Of course she had seen the photos, and of course she trusted Jordan. So then why did these questions sound like taunts? More like: how can you not stay so trusting? As if they knew the thoughts, the doubts in her head. “I’ve seen them, but they don’t mean anything, of course I trust him,” Sadie told the cameras before walking back into the house, despite the further questions. Yeah, she could say whatever she wanted to the paparazzi, but it didn’t stop what was going through her head. Would he rather be with Jezebel, or even that co-star, more?
November 2035: Months before divorce
Some days she became less good at hiding these thoughts - and every so often she got a - “Sadie, are you okay? Hey, look at me, you-” How the fvck did she explain something like this to Jordan? “Yeah, I’m okay. Trust me, it’s okay,” She would tell him almost every time. Holding him hostage for something he did years ago. Jordan didn’t deserve someone who did that, he shouldn’t have to repeat the same almost-convincing speech he gave after it happened every single time she a doubt, just for her to feel the same, days later. He shouldn’t need to explain himself for the rest of his life. It’s not his fault.
𝄞 I hate that, because of you, I can’t love you,
It couldn’t go back to normal. It couldn’t and it killed her. She wished more than anything that she could just drop it, get over it, and just hope she was good enough. But Sadie lost that hope those years ago, and everything felt wrong and tainted. There was no question in the fact that Sadie loved him. But there was question in… everything else.
They only stopped kissing because she got in the way. What if the only reason Jordan had stayed with her was because he was away from Jezebel? Wait, they only stopped dating… because she got in the way. Maybe she’s still in the way? As soon as they saw each other again they did that. Was she stopping people who actually did belong together? Maybe this whole time Sadie had just been in denial of what was facts. Fvck she needed to get out of the way.
𝄞 We ain’t getting through this one, babe,
“Jordan, I can’t do this.”
There was far more words and disjointed sentences than that said, but that was enough.
December 2039: Jordan and Jezebel’s Wedding
𝄞 right where you left me - Taylor Swift
Sadie confessed love to Jordan months ago. It was the first thing that felt right in years, and she finally had no uncertainty, she could have confidence and trust in his word if he gave it to her. But he didn’t. She should have expected that after the time she had left that he would move on. But a part of her in that time still thought: wouldn’t it be romantic if he didn’t? Though her answer came in the form on an invitation for the wedding of Jordan and Jezebel. No, he had told her before that, but it only became real when seeing it in ink. Black and white. Jordan and Jezebel were getting married. No question about it.
𝄞 Glass shattered on the white cloth, everybody moved on
As much as she had listened to Speak Now by Taylor Swift, Sadie knew she could only live vicariously through the life of interrupting vows. This was right. She was right, it’s them that deserve each other. She watched as Jezebel stood where she once did and it was okay. It was, they were happy. This is how it should have been Unintentionally, Sadie had a way-too good view of Jordan as he was singing to her. Too well could she see him as he promised to love Jezebel; until death do they part. Who died that cancelled out when he said that about her? No, it didn’t matter, she didn’t matter in this; in fact, she could almost see herself slipping out of his memory as he said all the right and romantic things but this time for Jezebel. The same look in his eyes, but this time Sadie wasn’t in the reflection. She truly hoped for him that this time worked better than the first - even if a small part of her hoped that it didn’t.
𝄞 I stayed there, dust collected on my pinned-up hair
Raise a glass to the newly-weds. That was it, it was done. No objections; she will forever hold her peace. “This is a beautiful wedding, congratulations, I’m really happy for you,” Sadie told Jordan with most sincerity in the short moment they crossed paths. What else are you supposed to say at an ex-husband’s wedding? She cleared her throat before Jordan could say anything, there was really nothing he could say in this. He didn’t need to be weighed down by her breaking heart on the happiest day of his life. “I’m gonna-” - Leave, get out of here, immediately - “I’ll see y- congratulations, again,” She quietly said before brushing past him.
February 2040: Jordan at the hospital
It had been a few weeks now since the accident. Still processing the fact that she almost lost both Annie and Jordan, Sadie hadn’t given much time to process what had actually happened. Her daughter had crashed into Jordan’s house. What was she supposed to do with that? Words failed to fall into place to form a sentence to encapsulate her thoughts. Though it seemed Annie didn’t need Sadie to be holding her accountable - she seemed to be doing a pretty good job on her own. In fact, the only person Sadie believed had failed was herself as it became increasingly obvious the help that Annie needed for her undeniable mental issues which became a priority to Sadie.
What also became a priority for Sadie was Jordan. Sitting in the waiting room of the hospital became a daily occurrence for her. Everyday hoping that news would come that he was awake; but never hearing anything. That was until finally, the doctor she had become well-acquainted with- given the circumstances- came and told her of him being awake. Well, he began to, he was quickly cut off by Sadie walking away and to the room.
Advancing quickly across the hospital room she fell to her knees beside him at the sight of his waking eyes. Nothing between them mattered to her as long as he was okay. She wasn’t sure what to say though. She couldn’t exactly as ‘are you okay?’ Because, what did it look like? Of course he wa-
Her thoughts on what to say were interrupted when suddenly she couldn’t say anything because he was kissing her. Backtrack, one more time: he was kissing her. She gently pulled away from him, looking him in the eyes - there was too much certainty in his eyes. “No, Jordan… it’s me, Sadie, I’m not- Jezebel is, she’s-” Sadie quickly turned to the nurse in the room, hoping to find a solution from her. “Could you please ask Jezebel to come in? Thank you so much,” She said with a smile. “Hey,” Sadie was facing Jordan again, “It’s okay, she’s coming, Jezebel’s coming,” She looked back at the door waiting for her appearance.
@/benitz786 Jordan Williams
@/Littlefeets Jezebel Williams
