Trigger Warning - mentions of sexual assault
Sophie never felt comfortable around Matty’s dad. He reminded her too much of people she knew as a child, in all the worst ways. The day she first met him he was nice, but too nice in an uncomfortable way. He touched her shoulder as he spoke, offering her alcohol while Matty was out of the room. Every piece added to her discomfort, so she tried telling Matty once that she felt uncomfortable, but he told her that his dad was just being nice. So she thought that maybe it was just in her head, she was overreacting and it was nothing, he was just being nice.
She did as she always did, kept a smile on her face, no matter where her mind was, no matter how uncomfortable Matty’s dad made her feel. Even when he sent flowers, or when they ran into each other at a coffee shop. When he made it clear he wanted her, telling her how she needed to stop pretending she didn’t want him. She wanted nothing to do with him, or the memories of the men who said similar words all throughout her childhood…
She wouldn’t have done anything to get out of that situation if it weren’t for Ricky… He punched Matty’s dad, but maybe things would’ve been easier if he hadn’t. Matty’s dad wouldn’t forget so easily, and he would hold it against her. Making a man like that angry often made things worse, made it hurt more.
Maybe if she would’ve brought someone with her to Matty’s house that day, she wouldn’t have found herself alone with his dad, unable to stop him from doing anything he wished with her.
That moment when Ricky came up to her, she couldn’t control the way her body reacted. She trusted Ricky, she truly did, but it was too soon. Her body couldn’t not react to even the thought of being touched, even in a caring protective way. Part of her was still stuck in the fight, flight, or freeze reaction. For her, it was still a mix of flight and freeze. She was on edge and every part of her wanted to simultaneously run away and collapse into a puddle of tears right where she stood.
“Who did this to you?”
She couldn’t muster up the words. No matter how much be begged for her to give him a name, an answer, anything. Even trying to speak would only unleash the sobs waiting beneath the surface.
“Fine. Don’t say anything. Just get in the car.”
All she wanted was to go home. Or maybe not, she didn’t want to risk her family seeing her like this and asking what happened. Her parents, her uncle, they knew what happened when she was younger, but she couldn’t bear the thought of them knowing about this, about even a piece of it happening again… Maybe just anywhere she could feel safer.
Her mind started drifting to the memories that would never fade as the car started rolling, but her gaze lifted from the ground when they came to an unexpected stop. Her attention immediately went to Ricky, who had gotten out and walked around to take something out of the trunk, and that’s when she realized, they were back at Matty’s house…
He told her to stay in the car, and she didn’t know what to do, waiting as she heard the sound of glass shattering. Large tears rolled down her cheeks as her mind began to blend the past and the present. Ricky told her to stay, but she couldn’t. This was a bad idea. He shouldn’t have gotten involved. Sophie knew how to deal with guys like this. Fighting back, stuff like Ricky was doing, only made that kind of person angrier. And they’d only be worse to girls like Sophie, the girls who were responsible for making their life harder, the girls who fought back or who did anything less than exactly what they wanted. They always came back around. The only question was when, and how much of a grudge they’d hold, how much pain they wanted to cause.
She found Ricky inside, hitting Matty’s dad until he stilled. She couldn’t move. Something about seeing someone who… someone that… someone like him, on the ground helpless like she’d been too many times to count was strange. For once the tables were turned, yet it only made her hurt more. The fear, the memories it was all too much. Violence, she hated violence.
She was frozen, unable to move as Ricky turned towards her. Next thing she knew, he held her close in his arms as she sobbed. Everything from earlier flashing through her mind, her body aching, bruised where he held her. Then the memories of her childhood she wished she could forget took control.
“You like that, little girl?”
“Be quiet and lay still for me.”
“You’re just a pretty little innocent thing, aren’t you?”
Their words were always the least of the pain. They could say disgusting things in her young, but no longer innocent, little ears, and it never would match everything that came with it. The intoxicating substances they sometimes forced down her throat… The blink of the camera that would sometimes record… The clink of the belts the men would unbuckle to remove their pants… Their skin against hers… The ways they touched her body, and forced her to touch theirs… The pain both physical and emotional…
There were too many years of all that pain… that torture… that abuse… It was all over when her uncle found her, saved her, and the other kids there with her. She thought it was over when he introduced her to her parents. Her parents who were everything she’d dreamed of and wished for, who did everything to make sure she felt loved and safe, even when Dante went missing… She thought she would never feel that way again.
But it wasn’t true. Memories, dreams, nightmares, it still haunted her even five years later. Then Matty’s dad came into the picture. Even when she felt like the pain would only be a terrible memory, that the worst was truly behind her, he showed her how it could never be entirely in the past.
“You’re okay, Sophie. He won’t touch you again.”
Sophie’s hands gripped Ricky’s shirt as he held her, his words bringing her back to the present. “If he won’t, someone will… There’ll always be someone else again… That’s what always happens… again and again… and it won’t go away…” Each word came out as a sob, letting everything out in a way she hadn’t done in a long time.