Dorian DeLoughrey
When was the last time someone saw Dorian DeLoughrey cry? That’s a hard question, maybe even impossible to answer. It’s silly to talk about childhood and stupid reasons why kids cry because he was never one of those kids. He was always the kid that would get up when he’d fall and move on with his little life, unlike his sister and her crocodile tears. That’s what he does, but some things can change that, when you really care. And he does know how to care. Around 20 minutes after his unpleasant encounter with Daniel Parker happened something that easily changed that. Because what else do you do when someone you love dies?
It should’ve been a good day, good game but walking out to the field, this time at the very back, behind all of his teammates, his mind was stuck on the phone that ended up in the bin. On the fact that not even Daniel had a clue where Jessica was. Or Anna coming back… an informational he was actually grateful for because he would’ve been happy seeing a familiar face and mistaking it for Jess. Not because he couldn’t tell them apart but because she would probably be somewhere far away. And he’d be happy to see her there, like good old times. He’d be happy to see her get kicked out… not because he doesn’t want her there but because it was always funny, no matter how annoyed he’d get at first. No matter what he had to do after to make sure she could get back. And maybe even try to make him prove himself when it wasn’t necessary. After all, she knew she could never win. It’s little things like that he missed the most.
Of course, because of Daniel and what he said about Anna, the first thing Dorian wanted to do when he felt someone’s arms wrapping around him was to push the person away. Until he turned around and really looked at the girl. It was a mix of emotions - anger because of what she did and because he could finally confront her, relief because she wasn’t dead, happiness because she wasn’t dead and was actually there. “I hate you,” he mumbled shaking his head as a weak smile met his lips. That’s the first thing he said? Would’ve been great if it was the last thing he said considering what would happen just minutes later. And… of course he didn’t mean that. How could he? Instead he whispered “You’re okay,” letting his eyes close for a second as he listened to her talking about winning and Kyle, before she walked away. A smile that was still on his lips was replaced with a confused look seeing what happened next, seeing her slapping her sister and dragging her inside. Did Dorian make a mistake by going after her a few minutes later, just to see what was happening because he could feel it was bad? Was it better to just stay where he was and… lose her all over again without a chance to say anything? Or would staying there just make what came next seem less real, make it hurt less? No. Nothing could make it hurt less just like nothing could prepare him for what he walked into.
There are five stages of grief. There are also many ways someone could deal with grief. What was his way? Well, he didn’t know because he was never in that situation, at least not when it came to someone he cared deeply about. And he didn’t want to find out, not so soon… and not because of her.
It was a strange feeling. The whole room became silent the moment he saw her on the ground, her friends around her, her sister trying to help. But was it silent? Who really knew, to him it was. He was in shock, refusing to believe in what was happening, letting it all be a blur until he found himself next to her… just then realizing how bad it actually was. He lost her once, almost five years ago and it was a hurt he’d never felt before. It seemed impossible to get over and honestly he never did, no matter what act he tried to put on. She was always a special person to him. Someone who could always make him happy, make him feel like he was worth something. He lost that once, he couldn’t do it again. Once he lived in a world without Jessica and it was about to happen again, last and final time. So to answer my first question - now. At that moment.
Tears filled his eyes, tears he couldn’t and didn’t want to fight back, as she was trying to talk. About what? He didn’t know. He couldn’t hear anything. He was focused on remembering details about her, her weak smile, her eyes, her voice… things he might not see or hear again. Not like this. Or how perfect she was to him, how much she meant to him… things he never said to her but wanted. Things he didn’t even know he wanted to say until now when it was too late, when it wouldn’t matter. A tear rolled down his cheek when she meet his eyes, his hand immediately finding hers. With so many things going through his mind the only thing he could say… whisper was “Don’t.” *Don give up, don’t talk like that you’ll be fine, don’t leave me. “Jess… no. I love you,” another whisper, an attempt to talk when he couldn’t. When he couldn’t move. A part of his own world forever stopping at that moment.
@benitz786 ok