If there was one word that could encapsulate the entirety of this day, it would be “frustration.” Frustration with herself, first and foremost. Her mind felt like a shattered mosaic, with pieces scattered in every direction. It was as if someone had taken her thoughts and memories, smashed them into a million fragments, and then mixed them with pieces from a dozen different puzzles. Trying to fit them together was like attempting an impossible jigsaw puzzle with missing edges, wrong colors, and pieces that refused to interlock. Every time she thought she had two pieces in place, she realized they didn’t quite fit, and she had to start over, rearranging and reevaluating the mental fragments to create a coherent picture.
In this intricate mental puzzle, some pieces were vivid and clear, while others were faded, almost translucent, as if the memories associated with them were on the verge of slipping away entirely. And at the center of it all was a void, an empty space where something essential should have been, but wasn’t. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t fill that void, couldn’t find the missing piece that would make the entire puzzle make sense.
It was a maddening, exhausting endeavor, one that left her feeling utterly drained and lost. She yearned for clarity, for a sense of completeness, but it remained elusive, just out of reach. Every step she took, every word she spoke, was like a cautious move in a high-stakes game of mental chess, where the wrong choice could only lead to further confusion and frustration.
All she could do was continue navigating this maze of shattered thoughts, hoping that someday she’d find the missing pieces and finally complete the puzzle of her own mind.
As her thoughts remained scattered, so was she. Here she was, beneath the scrutinizing gaze of the ton, desperately trying to convince everyone that her puzzle was complete, that she was whole and well. She wanted… needed them to believe she had not fallen ill, that she had not forgotten significant parts of her past. She wanted them to believe she was okay. But the truth of the situation was simply that she was not.
She didn’t belong here.
Those words echoed relentlessly in her mind throughout the night. No matter how convincingly she played her part, wore a beautiful gown, spoke with eloquence, and danced with the practiced grace she’d learned in her youth, Aurelia Juliet Ellis couldn’t escape the reality that she was far from okay. In truth, she might never be okay again. All she could do now was put on a façade, move forward, and continue pretending. The mask she wore was as much a part of her as the breaths she took, concealing the turmoil beneath.
Her frustrations extended beyond her internal struggles. While she was being incredibly hard on herself, external pressures only exacerbated her turmoil. The weight of societal expectations bore down on her shoulders, particularly the relentless pressure to secure a suitable marriage. Her sister’s audacious introduction to the Queen had only added to the stress, as it heightened the need for Aurelia to prove that the Ellis sisters were not just a spectacle but had substance and value to offer.
To make matters even more exasperating, it seemed that the rakes and rogues of the ton had chosen this day, of all days, to pester her relentlessly. Their advances and flirtations were nothing short of infuriating, and she found herself at a loss for how to handle their unwelcome attention. It was as though the whole world conspired to test her composure on a day that was supposed to be about new beginnings and hopeful prospects.
But what frustrated her most was the inexplicable tug at her heartstrings. She couldn’t shake the curiosity that gnawed at the back of her mind. Logically, she understood that Harrison and Ilyas were likely playing some game or engaging in their usual rakish pursuits. Yet, despite her rationality, she couldn’t help but feel a strange illogical pull towards Ilyas… and oddly… even Harrison. Why did their words and actions seem to affect her so deeply? Were they both truly that skilled of actors, or was there something more beneath the surface that she couldn’t quite fathom?
Her last frustration of the night, or at least she hoped it would be the last, centered around the awkward situation in which she found herself. She stood between two individuals who had played significant roles in her life: Orpheus, one of her closest childhood friends and confidants, and Ilyas, her childhood bully turned complicated acquaintance. To add to the complexity, Adeline, another close friend, observed the situation closely.
While Aurelia couldn’t quite decipher the enigma of Orpheus’ strange demeanor at that moment, she couldn’t help but feel a strong sense of protectiveness over him. She resented Ilyas’s words in the moment, which seemed to imply that perhaps this “new” Ilyas truly was a facade.
“If you have a problem with me talking to Aurelia, then perhaps you should reflect on your own issues and address them accordingly.”
Aurelia’s eyes narrowed as she processed Ilyas’s words, a frown etching its way onto her face. She had been prepared to defend her friend, Orpheus, against any insinuations or accusations Ilyas might throw his way. However, before she could voice her response, Orpheus intervened, and his words took her by surprise.
“Lord Ily-”
[color= #BC0057]“My only ’problem’ is that a man known for his wandering eyes and even further wandering hands has the woman I have been courting out on a balcony without a chaperone. If I were not already intent on it, one might push your marriage to the lady.” [/color]
The sudden turn of events left Aurelia momentarily stunned. Her previous frustration gave way to confusion, and for the first time since she had awakened from her coma months prior, her carefully crafted facade began to crumble. She stood there, her body stiffening as Orpheus stepped in between her and Ilyas. Her ears seemed to ring loudly, drowning out the sounds around her, and everything appeared to blur.
Physically, she was still present, standing and staring at Orpheus’s back, but mentally, she had been thrown into disarray. It was as if a storm had suddenly overtaken her mind, and she found herself lost, desperately searching for a piece of her memory—a fragment of her life with Orpheus. However, amidst the chaos and confusion, that piece, as many others, remained elusive, leaving her feeling disoriented and trapped in a whirlwind of emotions and unanswered questions. She couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, and the world around her seemed to fade away, leaving her alone with her thoughts and the enigma of her own existence.
Aurelia had not even recognized another presence joining them on the balcony. Though her eyes met Baylor’s, her mind failed to process the fact that it was him standing in front of her. His words, as he signed her dance card, passed by unnoticed. She remained trapped within the confines of her own thoughts, her gaze still fixed on the back of Orpheus’s figure. He had ceased speaking to Ilyas, his message conveyed, leaving Aurelia caught in a tumultuous storm of her own mind.
She stood there, trapped in a maelstrom of thoughts and emotions. It was like discovering a hidden chapter of her own story that had been kept from her. How could she have forgotten something as significant as a courtship with Orpheus? What had happened during that time, and why had her memory chosen to shroud it in darkness?
Aurelia couldn’t help but feel a growing sense of guilt for not remembering something so meaningful in her relationship with Orpheus. Had they been deeply in love, or was it merely a fleeting courtship? The questions piled up, and she realized that she didn’t even know where to start looking for answers.
Frustration gnawed at her as she tried to piece together this forgotten part of her life. It was like chasing a wisp of smoke, always just out of reach. And yet, there was also a sense of wonder in the discovery, a curiosity about the person she had been during that time, and the feelings she might have had for Orpheus.
But for now, the most pressing question remained: Why had no one told her about this? Why had she been left to unearth this hidden chapter on her own?
Aurelia’s thoughts had spiraled into a whirlpool of confusion and questions, and she couldn’t even begin to fathom how long she had been lost in her own mind. Finally, she was jolted back to the present, her surroundings returning to focus. She found herself back on the balcony, and as she looked around, she realized that she was now alone with Orpheus.
For a moment, the world seemed to hold its breath. It was as if time itself had paused, allowing her to take in the gravity of the situation. Orpheus had turned to face her, his eyes locking onto hers. There was a depth of emotion in his gaze, a turmoil that mirrored the chaos in her own heart.Aurelia didn’t know what to say or how to react. The revelation of their past courtship had left her in a state of emotional disarray, and now she was standing before a man who had once been more than a friend. What did this mean for their relationship now? And what would she do with this newfound knowledge?
“We… Orpheus we… why did you not… you let me come out here and ramble about the stars and the heavens and your family and we… courted? I’m… I did not mean to… I can not remember Orpheus I’m… I was not trying to hurt you I just… I had an accident… and my mind… my mind is broken Orpheus. I cannot… remember anything of my past. I just… I know we were friends… close friends… I just…”
She struggled to find the right words to explain what had happened, her thoughts in disarray. Her words tumbled out in a jumbled mess, mirroring the chaotic state of her mind.
@DandelionKate - You really hit her with that one, Orpheus? Seriously?
@Madilfill - Nah cause she said nothing to you, looked confused af, and he walked tf away
@sunflowerjm - Adeline if you squint
@Kristi - Harrison if you really squint hard fr fr
@Jass - Baylor COME ON MAN wrong time fr
@novella - kinda in there too