I let you in, and you let go…did you run out of love? was my all not enough?
No Dance: Conversation with Finch Ridlington ~ongoing~
Orpheus sat on the edge of the balcony, his mind a furious blur from all the events of the night so far. Everything he had seen, heard, done…it crashed against the front of his skull like waves on the shoreline, creating a rhythmic ache in his head.
Aurelia had long since left him, her abrupt and hardened departure making him question every word he had spoken to her. Had he said the wrong thing? Had his smile not been convincing enough? Had she smelled the alcohol that poured from every pore on his skin? Had she finally grown weary of him?
The thought was enough to pull tears back to his eyes once again. Orpheus had planned the details of her possible return, racking his mind for months about all the ways he would shower her with affections as they reunited, yet she seemed further from him now than she had ever been. Orpheus had not anticipated the possibility of Aurelia not remembering their courtship, let alone any details surrounding their relationship. It was as if the universe had heard his cries and answered his prayers by dangling her heart before him like a prize just out of reach. He needed her to be whole again, yet instead of finding his missing pieces in her eyes, it was as if her own puzzle remained forever undone. Her mind twisting into a half finished mosaic of all the memories they used to share, and without her, without the pieces of himself he had bestowed upon her, he too could never be whole.
As if Aurelia’s lapse in memory was not enough, her mother seemed to continue to be a formidable presence in Aurelia’s choices, now more than ever. There was a strange tone her mother had spoken with, a cold sort of calculation that Orpheus had just barely picked up beneath her words. As soon as they left her mouth, Aurelia sharpened against him like a blade flipped into position. As quickly as her mother’s words were uttered, Aurelia had vanished back into the ball, her eyes never once glancing back. It was unlike Aurelia to act so according to her mother’s desires, let alone submit so fully. It was as if something switched in her mind. Something titled ever so slightly as she registered her mother’s presence. An invisible hand held tight over the reigns of her mind, and Orpheus was no match for the will they derived.
Still, Orpheus could not help the echo in his mind.
Hush now, Aurelia.
She had spoken with such force, Orpheus himself nearly shut his own mouth.
Slowly the reverberation of those words echoing in his mind began to drive the tears over the edge of his eyes. The insidious hiss in her tone a never-ending whisper in the corridors of his consciousness, the meaning taunting him with every resolute tone. It was enough to drive someone mad.
Orpheus contemplated leaving the event all together despite his reserved dances with Adeline and Aurelia. He knew they would understand the most if he were to need an early night, however, his father would not be as forgiving.
So, Orpheus stayed, drunk, barely awake, crying, and regretting attending the season at all.
He was nearly asleep, his sobs giving way to exhaustion yet again as he slouched into his arms against the balcony rail. Suddenly, someone cleared their throat behind him. The sound was low, masculine, and barely audible as if the person hesitated to approach at all. As Orpheus turned, he could barely make out the figure of a man. Shorter than he was, smaller in his frame, the man stood barely a foot or two back from where Orpheus was slouched.
Orpheus knew the outline of his body. He knew each curve of his hand. Each freckle on his skin.
Finch Ridlington stood before him, a hazy shadow against the harsh ballroom backlight.
Orpheus felt his stomach turn, his eyes nearly rolling in disbelief. Had the universe truly conspired against him this night? Had it intentionally sent every forbidden and forgotten relationship to torment him on the night he had anticipated most? It was a cruel punishment.
Orpheus had been avoiding Finch all night. He knew Finch had been somewhere in the ballroom, likely dancing the night away with lady after eager lady. Yet, the idea of coming face to face with him after their years apart set him on edge.
As he locked eyes with the one who had betrayed him the deepest, it was as if time had come to a standstill. A torrent of emotions cascaded through his soul, mixing a cocktail of anger, resentment, and an unexpected hint of vulnerability. The wounds of the past, though partially healed, burned red with fresh blood in that very moment.
In the midst of Orpheus’ tumultuous night, the presence of Finch Ridlington, the catalyst of past suffering, was a painful reminder of the unresolved feelings that still lingered.
[color= #BC0057] “My night has been filled with enough suffering to last through winter’s end. The last thing I need is the absolute displeasure of conversing with you on top of everything that has gone wrong tonight, so if you do not mind Lord Ridlington, I shall ask you to leave.” [/color] Orpheus waved Finch away with his hand as he spoke, his fading inebriation causing him to squint against the light behind Finch, his head pounding louder and louder with each passing, sobering, moment.
[color= #14a3c7] “Let me explain I-“ [/color] Finch started, clearly as uncomfortable with the conversation as Orpheus was.
The pair of them had not spoken in well over two years, the distance causing their relationship to grow frigid and stiff in its expression. The unspoken words and distaste he held was more than evident Orpheus’ features.
[color= #BC0057] “Explain?” [/color] Orpheus let out a small laugh, amused by the idea that Finch had waited until this very night to offer him an explanation after years of silence. [color= #BC0057] “Enlighten me. How shall you explain to me that you lied to my face, tossing aside something you knew was important to me. You knew how much work I put into that night, how much that meant, how much you-“ [/color] Orpheus paused, his voice cracking as more tears threatened to fall down his cheeks. Orpheus bit them back, his anger overtaking any heartache he felt, the confusing mix of emotions leaving him cold. [color= #BC0057] “I do not need an explanation as to why you’d prefer the heat of a lover’s passion to my company, Lord Ridlington. No more than I need to explain my distance from you. Now go before I say something I regret. God willing, it will be two years more until I see your face again, yet even that will not be long enough. I cannot bare to look at you.” [/color] Orpheus spat.
[color= #BC0057] “As if the night could not get worse…” [/color] Orpheus mumbled under his breath, his anxieties giving way to anger and annoyance as he pulled his eyes from Finch back to the railing again. The world seemed to be cast in permanent shadow as he glanced back out over the midnight garden scene. His mind seemed darker still.
Orpheus’ body had given up, exhausted from the continued panic and stress of each interaction he had experienced. He had little energy left to give, especially for a man who never gave him the same energy in return.
A man who had broken his heart.
mentioned:
Finch (@Caticorn)
Aurelia (@benitz786)