Perhaps Azu did not notice, but Aurelia’s expressions seemed to carry integrity. At least in comparison to the way she spoke to suitors like any other, she seemed much more enthusiastic about speaking with Azucena that way. The girl had to admit, she was much better at acting than she remembered. It made her question the integrity of their lifelong companionship. When did she become immune to the truth hiding behind her eyes?
Once, when they were young girls, they were used to their classic dynamic. Blue snuck them out to play in the garden, and Lia smiled and agreed not to tell anyone. Mother would propose a foolish idea and Lia would obey, whilst Azu nodded before proceeding to do the opposite. Aurelia would learn to read aloud, and Azucena would listen to her in order to make her predictions for the following sequences of the book. Lia was always the good one, the light shining gold that reflected onto Azucena’s cheap silver. Who had she become now?
She seemed to hesitate as she drew closer, easily puzzled by her demeanor. Obviously, Azucena was wise enough not to believe the foolish words of the members of the queen’s court. However, her dear friend’s gestures and corporal shifts seemed that she may not have been as deceptive as the girl thought. How lovely that would be, that this had all been quite the misunderstanding and they could continue as they did before the past year. Unfortunately, that could not be.
Then, she questioned Azucena’s behavior. Did she seriously still confide in her enough to ask that? The girl was not prepared with a respnse. In her fickle mind, she had been preparing different methods to manipulate Aurelia into sharing with her the information she yearned to know, the questions she no longer felt secure enough to ask. Never had she readied herself to explain her own behaviors, much less emotions.
Furthermore, she did not understand why her once friend might propose this question. She was supposed to know the answer to it. Was she so ignorant that she had not seen how her actions could hurt her?
Of course, the theory appeared to make sense. Her sweet Lia could never intend to rupture their relationship, she was not evil. She never had been. Her absent mind had simply distracted her from her priorities! That would be a logical conclusion.
Still, she had to confirm or negate her suspicions before continuing. “Did you never receive my messages, Lia? I have not spoken to you for months.” She paused, unsure whether or not to continue because of the woman’s peculiar behavior, aside from Azucena’s own personal insecurity in regard to vulnerability. “…I had believed you to abandon me.” She spoke somberly, her disillusionment only growing as she processed that Aurelia might simply have not cared to maintain her. Another person to whom she did not matter.
She did not bother to complain of Harrison, nor the most recent winter months. She had not yet even realized her own flaws, and her fault in deciding her friend’s absence was an act of betrayal, deciding that their bond had been snipped clean.
Instead, she instinctively continued to listen to Lia’s speech. From where had her sudden insecurity arisen? She attempted to withhold an emotional reaction, however her sentiments conquered her. “I am not aware of the reason for these foreign disapprovals, but I am sure they are similar to mine. I have been overcome by confusion, but at my core, I know we are far too enduring to lose our friendship. You would never purposefully deceive me.” She choked on the words, as her stomach sent them up fully convinced they were true, but her throat clogged as her mind denied it. She could only hope this bit of sensibility would lead to a change for the better, and not a change she would regret.