If someone asked me at the end,
I’ll tell them put me back in it
Darling, I would do it again,
If I could hold you for a minute
Darling, I’d go through it again,
- Hozier
The dawn of the day promised to be nothing short of extraordinary, a spectacle of love and unity, meticulously orchestrated within the hallowed halls and pristine gardens of the Queen’s Palace. The morning sun cast its golden light over the palace’s spires, which shimmered against the blue expanse of the sky. Within its walls, no corner left untouched. Her Majesty, ever a patroness of pageantry and precision, had spared no effort to ensure this day would be remembered not as the conclusion of a lukewarm season but as its crowning triumph. Vast floral arrangements of orchids, lilies, and roses adorned every surface, their sweet aroma mingling with the crisp spring air that filtered through the open terraces. Silk banners hung in elegant cascades, their edges gilded to catch the light, while the faint strains of a string quartet rehearsing in the gardens drifted through the halls.
The day was supposed to be a momentous occasion heralded as the crown jewel of the season, and yet, as Cassian Ellis stood before the mirror in his chambers, his eyes drifted toward the window, where the garden lay bathed in the soft light of the morning. Yet his thoughts were far from the tranquil scene outside, tangled instead in the heavy, unshakable weight that seemed to press down on him like a cloak he could not remove. From the moment he stepped out of bed, the duality of the day loomed over him, a day that promised both joy and heartbreak in equal measure.
Lydia’s wedding was, undoubtedly, a cause for celebration. Cassian had looked forward to it with no small measure of anticipation, not for the pomp and circumstance that came with a society wedding, but for the possibility it held for his baby sister. Lydia, ever fiery and resolute, had fought the notion of the matrimony with every fiber of her being when the subject was first disclosed. Cassian had borne witness to countless arguments, her voice echoing through the halls of the Ellis estate, filled with indignation and defiance. He could not blame her, he, too, had felt the suffocating grip of familial expectations and the inevitability of duty.
Cassian’s heart ached for her happiness. He wanted nothing more than for her to flourish, to find freedom and joy away from the shadows of their lineage. The thought of Lydia standing at the altar, perhaps nervous but not unhappy, gave him hope. Her wedding was a bright spot in the day’s tapestry, one he could cling to as a reminder that, occasionally, the ton’s machinations could yield something good. Klaus Shafer, her intended, was a decent man, the kind who treated people with dignity and respect, a man of good character, or at least that’s how he saw him. Klaus was steady, kind, and capable, qualities rare enough in the so-called gentlemen of the ton, who often prided themselves on titles rather than actual virtues. Cassian believed, or perhaps hoped, that Klaus could maybe offer Lydia the one thing their family never could, a semblance of peace. For all her protests, Cassian understood his sister better than most, beneath her defiance he saw a longing for escape, for freedom from the suffocating grasp of their life and lineage and the expectations it imposed. If Klaus could give her that, even in part, then this union was, in Cassian’s mind, a blessing.
But Azucena.
Her name alone was enough to unsteady him, a whispered reminder of what he almost had. The second wedding of the day belonged to her, to Azucena Osuna and Harrison Davis. Even thinking the name left a bitter taste on his tongue.He was a man Cassian could barely stand to be in the same room with, to say the least. Davis was everything Cassian despised: smug, vain, self-serving, and quite devoid of any qualities that might redeem him. Utterly undeserving of a woman like Azucena. And yet, he was the man she had chosen, again.
Cassian couldn’t help but replay their past together in his mind, the moments that had once felt so certain and full of promise. It may have took him too long to come to that same understanding of the these words his heart speaks, but he had loved her, not with the polite affection the ton expected of its couples but with a fire that had consumed him entirely. He had imagined a life with her, dreamed of a future where they might defy the expectations of society and carve out something real, something meaningful and beautiful. But that dream had died the day she said no. He had bared his heart to her, offered her his future, only for her to turn him away. She hadn’t been cruel, nor dismissive. Her refusal had been laced with regret, her eyes soft with something that almost resembled sorrow. But a refusal it had been, and Cassian had been left to pick up the pieces of a love that had nowhere to go.
And now, here he was, watching her step toward a future with someone else. The very thought of her walking down the aisle toward Harrison twisted something deep inside him, a physical ache that no amount of poise or propriety could dull. He knew he should hate her for it, should curse her for breaking his heart and moving on (technically going back) as though he had never mattered. But he couldn’t. Because he still loved her.
And love, truly, was not selfish.
He had told himself this countless times in the days leading up to the ceremony. Loving someone meant wanting their happiness above all else, even if that happiness didn’t include you. If Harrison was the man who could make Azucena happy, then Cassian would bear it. He would swallow his pride, set aside his pain, and endure the sight of her pledging herself to someone else. He would watch her smile, radiant and sincere, and know that her joy was worth more than his heartbreak.
But the knowing didn’t make it easier.
As the hour approached, Cassian forced himself to dress with meticulous care, the midnight blue tailcoat he selected was a perfect fit, its polished buttons gleaming in the morning light. He adjusted his cravat with steady hands, each button and fold of fabric a distraction from the storm raging within him. He would face the day as he always did, with a steady composure that revealed nothing of the chaos beneath. He would celebrate Lydia’s union with heartfelt pride and affection, his joy for his sister unwavering. And when Azucena and Harrison exchanged their vows, he would clap with polite composure, his applause steady, his expression unreadable, a carefully crafted mask of stoic grace. After all, that was what was expected of him, Cassian Ellis, the ever-unflappable, ever-dutiful heir to the Ellis name.
Yet, in the quiet moments, when the applause dwindled and the guests’ laughter faded into the distant hum of the festivities, he would allow himself to grieve. For the love he had lost. For the life that might have been. For the man he once was, the one who had dared to believe that some bonds were too strong to shatter.
Today, Cassian would play his part in the grand performance of the season. But he would do so knowing that, when the final curtain fell, the weight of it all would still be only his to carry. Wherever he may go, and with all that is yet to come.
@novella Lydia mentioned
@raviola Azucena mentioned
@Kristi Klaus and Harrison mentioned