Because I think about what makes relationships work a lot (probably more now that I’m in one than I wasn’t honestly - trying to deconstruct mine and see why it works because I’m honestly amazed since I was a late-bloomer and only saw unhappy marriages around me growing up, so happy couples puzzle me, myself included), which naturally brought me to the opposite, dealbreakers. Dealbreakers are like, right off the bat, what kind of person wouldn’t you ever date or consider dating or what’s so “bad” (since it’s all relative to your perspective) that you’d break up with someone over? I’m talking kinda petty things that aren’t necessarily on everyone’s list, but something you couldn’t handle…
So questions:
What are your non-negotiable dealbreakers for a relationship?
How did you decide them? Experience or just preference?
Have you ever rejected or broken up with someone over them?
Have you ever reconsidered/changed your mind about them?
I have one that’s fairly standard - if someone was rude to a server at a restaurant, I’d never ever date them, but luckily never encountered that, but honestly that’d be a nightmare. But that’s non-negotiable.
I had a few that I broke for my husband and am so glad (because I love him so much! ugh gross, stop that), but be prepared to be scandalized. I am a huge Harry Potter fan/nerd and my husband hasn’t read all the books and even worse, tried to console me by saying “oh well, I’ve seen all the movies” as if that was an acceptable answer. Actually, he’s not a fiction reader in general, so that was a big one. I imagined my ideal partner and I would discuss our favorite books all the time and I was sad for a minute that this wasn’t the case, but we’ve found other things that we have in common, and we do discuss more non-fiction or TV shows/movies.
Related to my books dealbreaker
I used to live by this code, sort of, and there’s swearing so don’t click if you don’t wanna see it haha
Idk really it’s so hard but at the same not. Ik now that I do have a boyfriend I feel like it’s best to go for someone when you know them as well. I’ve dated dudes before and it’s just nahhhh also i don’t get into politics that much as a person but if they’re like totally off then yeah we may have to see some things. But idk I’m cool really with anyone really. I just need to talk and really see.
I get that thing about books xD like I also used to imagine my partner would at least like to read and we would discuss and recommend each other books, but my bf doesn’t read like almost at all so not really that important for me tho.
From the dealbreakers, which u put in polls, none of them is really a big problem for me, maybe only the politics one but like that would have to be really extreme opinions.
I think the biggest dealbreaker for me would probably be nonexistent sense of humour, and one more thing I literally hate when someone does, is when we agree on something, or decide to do something, go somewhere and they just call it off without any proper reason, (even if they have a proper reason, I’m still tad bit pissed but hide it, which I know is kinda selfish, but can’t help it xD) otherwise pretty normal things like lying and so, nothing worth mentioning xD
Yeah, I’m not suuuuuuuper political (others may disagree), and while I can have friends with other views (even extremely different ones), I think it’s hard with a partner, so I said no. I’ve only dated one dude who was more on the conservative side, but it was a disaster for that and many other reasons. It’s just that what we wanted in life wasn’t compatible at all and I couldn’t be myself around him, but that wasn’t his politics necessarily (tho it didn’t help).
Yeahhhh, fantasy partner right there but that’s why I joined a bookclub with lady friends (both on Episode and IRL ) so it doesn’t matter in the end…
To be honest, I usually don’t think of being in a relationship (at least not now), but if we already talk about it:
The maximum age difference that I’d rather is 5 years (I mean, if already date with someone who’s older than me, then difference of 5 years is the max).
I didn’t want to vote “politics opppsite yours”, but…
Well, I’m soo not political and I don’t like engaging in politics much (or at least some political issues), but if his political views are completely the opposite of most views of mine and/or harmful, then no.
But I respect everyone’s political views as long as they are not harmful.
Most importantly, if his world view is way different than mine, then smh.
And religion? Some of you might see me as discriminating (or whatever) for choosing religion as something that would make me not date someone, but guys - like it or not, my religion forbids me (and whoever follows the same religion as I do) to be romantically and sexually involved with non-Jews, meaning that I cannot marry non-Jews at all . Period.
Nowadays? or, more accurately, before Shannii, I had been burned enough by this. So my biggest dealbreaker is interest-based. If someone has an issue with my hobbies and interests they can get fvcked. Just, you know. Not by me =P
Experience for sure. Dated a few people who don’t like videogames, anime, comics, etc. It just doesn’t work.
Once yes, rejected.
Having that level of standard led to me punching way above my weight and getting @ShanniiWrites, so nope. Those seem like pretty good standards xD
So on top of that, I have other standards, though they aren’t exactly dealbreakers. I like good looking people, I’m not about to lie xD Personality of course comes first, but looks are important for a first impression. Also ‘clicking’ is important to me. If I find it difficult to maintain a conversation that’d be a no-go. Intelligence is definitely up there, I can’t really handle people of a rather low intelligence level xD Though no hate! I just like conversation is all >.<
And of course, if someone has a radically different political stance to me, we just aren’t gonna click xD That may sound unreasonable but actually being in a two-year relationship tells me that was perfectly fair >.<
I see what you mean with that I mean dating someone that just kinda believes in a lot of different things politically or religiously for me kinda just turns me off.
not respecting my boundaries. issues with my beliefs that have absolutely NO impact on them, like geez, get rid of that ego LOL. disrespectfulness on a daily basis… yeah.
For me, being obsessed with money, partying and status would be a big dealbreaker since that’s not my MO in life. Like, I met this guy in Vegas who said he went there all the time even though he lived in California (I was there for a nerdier reason with friends), and that was just such a turn-off for me because it seemed like he was too into the Vegas scene which is not my thing at all. In fact, I complained about it the whole time we talked and yet did not see that it made us incompatible and finally took the hint when I went up to my room that I was sharing with 14 others (including an ex, but that’s a story for another time) alone.
I’d say definitely a lifestyle that’s not compatible, not clicking, and bad hygiene. Religious beliefs are important for me as well. Maybe if he doesn’t know much about my beliefs and wants to learn, I’d give him a chance but I definitely don’t want to see someone again if they downright disrespect my beliefs.
I once went out on a date with this guy who showed up late, and smoking. Since I don’t smoke, it’s a turnoff for me. It also turned out that his lifestyle wasn’t compatible with mine, so… no.
Oh smoking is a huge turnoff for me too. Dunno if it’s a dealbreaker, but probably, if I’m being honest. I can’t imagine smelling it all the time. I’m lucky I found a French non smoker!
I think that’s normal though, someone who is too selfish to prioritize you is not acceptable in a relationship (especially if it’s a serious relationship!).
not really that important for me tho.
. Period.
