Shadow Creek: Before the Blacklist

[sunflowerjm]

~ rudy and samuel meeting for the first time ~

It was the summer before junior year, and Samuel was, no surprise, in the theater room. The place was quiet, the only sound the rustle of papers as he sifted through stacks of old play scripts the school had performed before his time. There were new ones too, which he and Mrs. Gundy, the theater director, had already discussed…privately. She’d left for the day, but Samuel stayed behind; there was no reason to head home just yet.

As he kept flipping through the pages, the theater door opened and closed with a loud bang.
“Oops, sorry. Didn’t know they’d be that loud, heh,” a voice called from near the big doors.

The stage lights made it impossible for Samuel to see who it was, so he ignored them and kept going. Eventually, he found the perfect play he wanted to suggest for the start of the school year. He began reading lines aloud, still unsure if the intruder had left or stayed. But he couldn’t shake the feeling of eyes on him, steady, unblinking, as he crossed the stage.

“Hey, man, I know I look good up here, but is there a reason you’re just sitting in the dark?” Samuel called out, shielding his eyes from the glare of the lights. As they adjusted, he made out the figure of a boy he didn’t recognize. Probably a freshman, he guessed.

“No. I’m just watching,” the boy replied. His posture was relaxed, one arm slung over the back of the seat like he owned the place.

“Uh… okay then,” Samuel said, turning back to the script.

It was rare for him to feel awkward. He was used to being watched on stage, but something about being alone in the quiet theater with this stranger unsettled him. Finally, he hopped down to the edge of the stage and leaned forward.

“What’s your name, anyway?” Samuel asked. “I mean, if you’re going to just sit there staring at me, I might as well know the name of my admirer, right?” he added with a small chuckle.

---

@astxrism rudy cutie

[sunflowerjm]

~samuel and beck meet~

“Oh fuck, Tabs, I fell asleep,” Samuel muttered as he glanced at the clock on the nightstand.

Samuel had a habit of stopping by Tabitha’s after school. It didn’t happen every single day, but often enough that it had become their unspoken routine. He never spent the night, though; it was frowned upon for both of them. But tonight had been one of those rare times they’d accidentally fallen asleep in each other’s arms.

He sat up quickly. Tabitha didn’t stir, she never cared if he was there, and she certainly wasn’t the type to wake up just because he moved. Pulling on his jeans, Samuel heard movement outside her room. Shit. Her parents were still awake. His usual escape route, straight through the hallway, was no longer an option. That left only the window.

It wasn’t the first time he’d had to climb out of it, but it was never exactly fun. Tabitha’s room was on the second floor, and the drop wasn’t small. He glanced at her sleeping face, smirked, and whispered, “You’re lucky you’re cute,” before tugging his shirt over his head and heading toward the window.

With a sigh, he grabbed onto the tree branch near the frame and started climbing down. Predictably, like almost every other time, his foot slipped.

“Oh, shit—”

He landed flat on his back with a groan, wincing at the sharp ache that shot through him. Before he could collect himself, he heard a soft cry.

Lifting his head, Samuel realized he’d landed in the backyard. The pool glimmered under the backlights, and sitting at its edge was a familiar face. Beck. Tabitha’s stepsister. He’d never spoken to her, but he knew who she was. On more than one failed escape attempt, he’d caught sight of her watching from a distance as he awkwardly waved before bolting out the door.

This time, she wasn’t just watching. She was crying.

For a split second, Samuel considered lying there and letting the pain fade, hoping she wouldn’t notice him. No such luck.

“What the hell? Who are you?!” Beck’s voice cut through the night, her fists raised in a stance that looked more instinct than thought as if she was deciding whether to swing or not.

He scrambled to his feet, raising his hands in mock surrender. “Uh—”

“Oh. It’s you,” she said, recognition flickering in her expression. She turned her head quickly, as if that would hide her tears. “Just get the hell out of here before my parents catch you.”

“I—I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to crash your little crying session—” Samuel hesitated, the sarcasm dying in his throat when he saw the redness in her eyes. His voice softened. “Are you… okay?”

---

@Caticorn beck <3

mentioned: @Madilfill tabs

[astxrism]

{ meeting Sam / summer before junior }

---

It was hot out… Sticky, that middle summer kind of hot where even the shade feels like it’s sweating. Rudy already walked three laps around the school, waiting for his sister to finish hanging out at her friend’s house, killing time the only way he knew how - by poking his nose where it didn’t really belong. He started at the vending machines…out of order of course, detoured past the gym…locked. Every door he tried was closed until he hit one that gave with a little metallic groan.
And that just might’ve been his favorite room.
The theater room.

Not because he was in drama because he wasn’t, but because there was something about the place that pulled him in. He liked coming in and just… watching. Sometimes it was rehearsals, sometimes set building, sometimes a full run through if he got really lucky. Theater kids were fun to watch… loud, dramatic, totally absorbed in their world. A a blast of cool air hit him the moment he opened the door. He stepped inside, the dim space swallowing the bright hallway behind him and then… Bang. The door had swung shut harder than he meant. "Oops, sorry. Didn’t know they’d be that loud, heh,“ he said, noticing a guy was flipping through a stack of scripts. The lights were aimed right at him, so Rudy couldn’t see his expression, but the guy didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge him. That was fine… Rudy knew how to entertain himself.

He dropped into one of the middle seats, sprawling sideways so one arm hung over the backrest. This was the sweet spot. He could see everything without being seen. The guy started reading aloud and Rudy found himself grinning. Not bad. Confident, really. Definitely not like those mumbled read outs in English class. And now he could better see the guy… Rudy dind’t know him, he just knew that he was always there whenever he decided to stop by and be a little supporter. "Hey, man, I know I look good up here, but is there a reason you’re just sitting in the dark?“ The guy called suddenly, squinting toward the seats. Rudy smirked. Finally…an opening. "No. I’m just watching,“ he said easily, almost dissapointed that the guy went back to reading his script. So he stayed silent for a moment.. waiting… Is he going to say anything else? Does he know he’s missing out on the best banter of his life? Just as Rudy was about to speak up the guy asked his name before calling him an admirer… which… fair. Yes, he was. "Rudy,“ Rudy grinned like he just caught him doing something mildly illegal, mixed with that waiting for your answer now kind of grin. "And no offense, but I wasn’t admiring. I was… observing. Totally different. Way more scientific.“ He stood up, stretching like was sitting there for hours instead of, what… five minutes? He tilted his head like he was deciding whether or not to approach… but then he started down the aisle in an easy, unhurried stroll. "I was actually just killing time so I figured I would y’know…“ Rudy went on, hopping down the last two steps instead of taking them normally before gesturing vaguely at the stage with both hands. "Snoop.“

He stepped right up to the stage and leaned his forearms on it, looking up at Sam with a half smile that always looked like he just thought of something dumb he shouldn’t say… but would anyway. "Cool place, “ he said, his eyes scanning the curtains, the ropes. "But that door being unlocked… a huge security flaw but also… thanks. If it wasn’t locked I’d probably be at the gas station right now buying all the sour candy they have.“ He made a little pop noise with his lips, like he could already taste it, then pointed lazily at the script in Sam’s hands. "You’re pretty good at that…reading and stuff,“ Rudy pushed himself up so he was halfway on the stage now, sitting with one knee bent and one foot still on the floor. "You guys let random people try it? Or is it like… exclusive club, secret handshake, no weird kids allowed?“ The grin came back, wide, easy, like he already knew he could talk his way in if he wanted to.

---

@sunflowerjm sammmmy boy

[novella]

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨ January 9th, Rudy’s Call ୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Lizzy laughed as Rudy continued the visual of the courtroom. But the apartment was still, and silent, and so Lizzy kept herself quiet to not disrupt that. “I’m sorry that you’ve had to fight this battle alone until now,” She expressed, her hand on her chest and tone an exaggerated sympathy. “Well, when another case comes up, you know where to find me,” Lizzy continued through a light eye roll. Then she tilted her head to the side, extending the concept of her defending him. “I could even start working on your character reference. Rudy Maddox: supports evil twins and has an alarming hoodie to person ratio. What’s more trustworthy than that?” She said, in a matter-of-fact tone as she gave her informative account of Rudy, while smiling to herself at all the small little details about him that she was learning so naturally. It widened as he envied over the cheerleading lifestyle - the sparkly uniforms and somersaults. “Hey, who says giant bows are exclusive to just cheerleaders? Be the first to bring them onto the pitch too,” Lizzy suggested, letting out a small laugh at the visual.

Lizzy’s sudden openness about her childhood and parents had taken her by surprise - a feeling that only intensified at Rudy’s receptiveness, even slight impress, at her 10-year-old self’s weird quirks and poor efforts. He had taken a while to respond at first, but when he did, Lizzy had to fight an overly-audible sigh of relief. Disguising it into a laugh, Lizzy contributed to his comments - “Hey con artist is a strong word. Maybe a creative and strategic planner,” She insisted. Then after a moment of further recollection, she added, “Though I did really try to recreate their handwriting… maybe I was more scheming and deceptive than I thought,” Lizzy admitted, shaking her head at her past self. Then she raised her eyebrows at his ideas for a better developed strategy she could use now. “Wow, I was really starting to think getting them back together would be impossible, but now that you mention fake mustaches…” She said, feeling more comfortable despite the underlying subject of conversation. He had somehow made it that easy.

For a moment, they were both quiet. The room stilled, but somehow even through the phone it was a comfortable silence. When Lizzy considered it meaning the conversation was coming to an end, it highlighted to her how much she didn’t want it to end. But she didn’t know how to say that, how to ask for this to never stop. Rudy did it for her, stating the obvious and sensible choice to go to sleep, though leaving it open. Like maybe he might have wanted the same thing, even slightly. “Yeah,” She quietly responded, not giving herself the time to overthink and convince herself that he was just being nice and actually wanted to go. “I want to stay.”

I talk to my walls about you,
Now all four know your name,

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨ February 2nd, The Drive ୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

The next few weeks had played out in a similar manner. Rudy and Lizzy passing in the hallway, having brief conversations that prompted later phone calls that went late into the night, and then days of Lizzy thinking about it. Replaying things he had said to her, analysing each word and debating whatever hidden meaning was behind them all. She would imagine the next time it would happen, wonder if there was going to be a next time, convince herself that there won’t be, just before something happened again. It was an endless overthinking cycle that everyone in her close vicinity would hear about. But one thing stayed consistent and that she knew for sure was that she liked Rudy. A lot. Enough that the uncertainty surrounding it all was worth facing.

“Yes, he’s not in theatre, but just likes to help out each week. I’ve heard, Lizzy,” Lottie exclaimed, her words sharp and emphasised by an irritated slam of her gym locker that brought Lizzy back down to earth and stopped whatever Rudy-related ramble she had just gone on after their cheer meet. Lizzy smiled apologetically. It was valid, she knew that. Half of what she talked about nowadays had been about him, but she just couldn’t help it. She had the compelling urge to share every thought she had, unintentionally at the expense of Lottie’s wearing patience at hearing about the same thing for weeks on end.

But her friend snapped out of her frustration the moment she caught Lizzy’s regretful gaze, “I’m sorry. Really, I am. It is cute how much you talk about it, really,” Lottie told her, a gentle hand landing on Lizzy’s arm. “I just think it’s nice how they always have someone supporting them in the audience…” Lizzy mumbled, her eyes on the ground, before she shrugged her shoulders as she quickly added, “… It just so happens to be Rudy,” Then she smiled in self-awareness at how long it took for the name to return. “And I just think you need to see whether he is worth your attention,” Lottie advised as she loosened her sleek cheerleading ponytail that matched Lizzy’s. Lizzy furrowed her brows, tilting her head in a way that signalled she needed expansion on this point. “You can’t spend the rest of this year thinking and talking to me about him, you should really act on these feelings.”

Lizzy’s eyebrows shot up, and her face cringed as if Lottie had just told her to commit some sort of crime. Acting on it? “But we call sometimes,” She told her with weak assertion, her arms awkwardly waving around for some form of emphasis. “And we talk. In the hallways. And- and we—” “Eye fvck each other from across the classroom?” Lottie interrupted, to which Lizzy fought a gasp at the scandalous accusation, looking around at any fellow cheerleaders that might have overheard. “Sorry. I mean, gaze longingly from afar,” She clarified, lightening her tone at the sight of Lizzy’s reaction. “You deserve more than some secret, online… pen pal, basically,” Lottie continued, a reassuring smile crossing on her face. “I’m serious. If he’s who you want, then go get him.”

Though Lottie’s wording and delivery of her advice had been rather plain-spoken, abrasive even, it had been sufficient in somewhat stuck with Lizzy. Maybe it wouldn’t harm to initiate something more in person than what had been happening so far. Rudy and Lizzy seemed to work well when they would call, and that one time they walked home, that should translate well in person now right? Or he will realise that Lizzy’s actually not all that great and the more time together only dulled his interest in whatever they had going on, leaving her sad and even more wistful and longing than she was right now.

The time to dwell on all the possibilities had been abruptly caught short when Lizzy left the building to go home, catching sight of Rudy emerging from the opposite exit. She clung onto her car keys as she watched him from afar. It had been getting dark, and so his features from the distance were blurred, but Lizzy could make him out. Lottie had shortly left after their conversation, but she could hear her voice and everything she had said in the back of her head. She could almost feel the hands of Lottie pushing her in his direction, and so with a sigh, Lizzy gave into the compelling urge to listen to her.

Lizzy was over halfway to breaking their distance before some of the other theatre kids spilled out of the building, gathering around Rudy, laughter and yelling echoing over the unnerving silence she had been enduring. Notably, her eyes landed on a girl that approached him in a slightly closer way to everyone else. Lacey Fields. The captivatingly beautiful and endlessly talented starlet who stole the stage at every musical they put on, and was no doubt the lead role of whatever they were working on. And while she was making guesses here, Lizzy could immediately infer an interest towards Rudy. Even in the dark, she could recognise the giddy smiles, subtle head tilts, the lingering eyes - Lizzy knew them all better than anyone. And who was she to interrupt?

But just as Lizzy was about to back out and escape, the sound of “Lizzy!” called out across the parking lot. Feeling caught, Lizzy slowly turned back around to the group whose eyes had now turned to her - Rudy front and centre, before he broke away from them and advanced closer to her. “Hey. I was just-” One hand lightly scratched the back of her head, the other clutched onto her keys for dear life and gestured in the general direction of her car. If he’s who you want, then go get him, Lottie’s voice told her, prompting her to have more control. Of her arms, for a start. And try not to think of the seemingly piercing gaze of the theatre kids that lingered behind them. “I was just… wondering if you might have needed a ride home. I guess I still owe you from New Years. You know. My turn to get you back safely,” Lizzy explained, internally cringing at the last part, she probably could have stopped talking before that.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

@astxrism

[astxrism]

{ the drive / February 2nd / with Lizzy }

∘₊┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈₊∘

Rudy slipped out of the side door of the school with his backpack hanging off just one shoulder, humming something from the last scene he was helping with in theatre. He was the last one to leave the room, lingering to tug the stage curtains back into place just right, because it bugged him when they weren’t even. The big room was still his favorite spot in the building and he always left it reluctantly, like he had to drag his feet out of a place where his brain felt more lit up. He had his hands stuffed in the front pocket of his hoodie, now head half-bobbing to the little beat in his head… that little peacful moment when you step out into the cold, still thinking about the fun you head just minutes ago and not the fact that you had to go home. He was halfway down the path when the sound of sneakers and loud voices caught up to him… just theatre kids spilling out behind him. “Oh, so we’re too cool to walk with us now?” One of them called, smirking. Rudy just grinned over his shoulder, walking backwards for a few steps. ”Always been too cool,“ he said, in that mock serious tone he used when he wanted to make them laugh. He threw them a two finger salute and then turned back around, but they didn’t let him go… Lacey caught up, asking about some prop they needed, someone else shoving him playfully in the arm. He answered, joked, deflected, but his focus didn’t last on them for long because when his eyes lifted past them, he spotted Lizzy. She was standing across the parking lot in that washed gold light, hair catching it in a way that made it look… warmer. His grin wasn’t the sharp, teasing one he’d just thrown at anyone, it softened instantly, shifting into something he didn’t even try to hide.

There was this split second where everything else faded out and it was just him noticing the way she was half turned, like she was thinking about leaving but didn’t. ”Lizzy!“ Rudy called, his voice slicing through the chatter behind him. He barely noticed Lacey’s head tilt in curiosity as he left the group, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets and crossing the space between them. ”Hey,“ he said, slowing as he got close, like he didn’t want to spook her.

When she offered the ride, his grin kicked back up into something brighter… less soft now, more pure Rudy energy. ”Uh, yeah…Absolutely. Best offer I’ve had all day.“ He tossed the strap of his backpack higher onto his shoulder and fell into step beside her but… Even if it was her car he didn’t hesitate, instead of heading for the passenger side, he circled around to her door. ”What? Chivalry’s not dead,“ He said, throwing her a sideways glance and pulling her door open with a mock bow, exaggerated enough to make the corners of his grin tug upward. ”Even if you’re the one chauffeuring my sorry ass home.“ But he didn’t move away right away. Instead, he stayed there, one shoulder propped lazily against the edge of the car, leaning slightly forward… just enough to be in her space without crowding it. The night air was cool, brushing faintly through his hair and for a moment he didn’t say anything at all. He just looked at her.

Not his usual quick glance, this one was steadier, his eyes tracing her face like he was trying to memorize it. That easy grin softening. Only when she slid into the driver’s seat did he finally straighten up, letting the door close with a satisfying click before jogging around to his side. He swung the passenger door open and gave an exaggerated sigh of relief like she’d just rescued him from certain doom and the second he was in the seat, buckled but not even fully settled, he twisted in his seat to face her, one arm draped lazily along the back of it. ”Okay," he said, as if they were in the middle of a crisis. ”We need music. Immediate music. I’m talking something that makes the gas station clerk think we’re trouble.“ His tone was light but mixed with that low, amused rasp he got when he was deliberately trying to coax a smile out of someone. He leaned more against his seat now but still leaning toward her, chin dipping slightly as his gaze caught hers for a beat too long. ”Speaking of…Drive us there?“ The way he said it was more question than command like he’d be perfectly fine if she told him no… but also like he was already picturing them pulling out of the lot. ”I’m parched. And they’ve got those giant neon drinks that probably shave a year off your life but…“ His hand flattened briefly against his chest as if he was making a solemn declaration. ”Are totally worth it.“
And through all of it, his body stayed tilted subtly her way, like even buckled in he was still leaning into her orbit, watching for every little shift in her expression, every flicker of amusement he might have just pulled out of her.

∘₊┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈₊∘

@novella

[novella]

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨ February 2nd, The Drive ୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Rudy’s face changed when Lizzy offered him a ride, lighting up in a way that instantly rid away any of her apprehensions. He had a beam that was contagous, and without even thinking, Lizzy was smiling with him, “The best offer?” She echoed, a light giddiness in her voice. “You can’t have had many offers today,” Lizzy said through a breathy laugh as she nodded her head in the direction of her green VW Beetle that stuck out amongst the array of greys and whites. “'Cause this one’s just me and Miss Froggy over here,” She told him, before realising what she had said. Lizzy caught the questioning look from Rudy, and she gestured towards the car they were getting closer to. “Come on, you’re telling me you don’t see the frog-like features on this car?? Look there’s her eyes,” Lizzy explained, pointing towards the headlights.

As they approached the vehicle, Rudy rushed in front, heading for the drivers side. Lizzy went into a silent panic at the thought of anyone else driving her beloved car. She tried to hide it as he advanced over, beginning to say, “Uh I don’t think I have the right insur—” Before Rudy revealed his intentions to merely open the door for her. “Oh,” Lizzy realised out loud, now slowly following the path he had just taken as he claimed it an act of chivalry despite her being the driver. “Yeah I thought the chivalrous one was supposed to be me this time,” She responded, though her voice slightly trailing off as she stopped at the space between the open door and the inside of the car, all too close to where he was lingering. Lizzy kept her gaze on him. She was just waiting for whatever he was about to say, that’s what she told herself.

After a moment, Rudy hadn’t said anything and it didn’t look like he was going to, to which Lizzy came to the conclusion that he was probably being overly patient in waiting for her to get in, and she was just holding him up. It took a conscious effort to get her feet moving again, breaking her gaze and stepping into the car. Lizzy was then thankful that Rudy still had to get across to the other side, as it gave her a moment to reel in her thoughts, and discreetly look around for anyone around, as if to say - did anyone just see that?? By the time he was inside, Lizzy had made herself out to look as unphased as he was by whatever that had been.

“Music, yeah, that’s pretty important,” Lizzy repeated, immediately reaching for the radio as she realised she hadn’t de-Lizzyified her car when she had the chance to, meaning her go-to girl pop anthems began playing when she turned the engine on. “This, uh,” She started through a sheepish smile as she pressed at a few buttons, “I guess Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson doesn’t exactly scream reckless and dangerous outlaws if that’s what you’re aiming for,” Lizzy told him through an embarrassed laugh. As she continued going through her radio, she could feel his eyes on her, causing her to slow down, eventually stopping. When Lizzy finally turned, his gaze was expectant, suggesting a stop off at the gas station. “Yeah, sure,” She said immediately. She probably would have given the same answer if he’d asked to drive to Canada. Lizzy relaxed slightly more as Rudy joked about the drinks they have. “Well, death by neon poisoning doesn’t seem like the worst way to go,” Lizzy responded playfully. Then she took one final and decisive tap at her radio, triggering an influx of bass and guitar riffs. “Okay, now the gas station clerk won’t know what’s hit them.”

So one, two, three, take my hand and come with me
Because you look so fine that I really wanna make you mine

The drive to the gas station had an ease to it, credit to the upbeatness of the songs that came on. Lizzy spent less time being overly aware of who she was in the car with, and more time singing along to lyrics and rhythmically drumming at the steering wheel - only at stop signs, of course. Rudy had echoed this, with an elaborate air guitar performance and addition of dramatic backing vocals that brought Lizzy to laughter each time. Though it had only been meant as a joke, the volume blasting from her her car probably did cause a distruption to the otherwise silent station they pulled into.

When Lizzy turned off the engine, she even had to take a moment to catch her breath after the intensive sing-a-long. But before Rudy could say anything, she straightened up, her hand on the car door already. “Wait, wait, it’s my turn now,” Lizzy said, jumping out the car and swiftfully making her way over to the other side. She opened the door for him, gesturing to the space he was about to walk out to, “Chivalry goes both ways, of course,” She told him, staying where she was as she awaited his getting out. Lizzy’s eyes followed him as he stood, remaining there for a moment longer, before she cleared her throat. “Okay, show me to these lethal but worth it drinks then,” Lizzy requested as they faced the gas station.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

@astxrism

[astxrism]

{ the drive / February 2nd / with Lizzy }

∘₊┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈₊∘

”The best offer, yeah,“ Rudy doubled down, his grin stretching wider when she questioned it, eyes flicking to hers like he couldn’t believe she even needed to ask. ”What, you think my day’s been full of limo rides and five star chauffeurs? Nah, this right here? You and… Miss Froggy?“ His gaze slid toward the car, brows slightly furrowed for half a beat when she tossed out the name Miss Froggy. ”Top tier. Nobody’s topping this.“ He let the nickname roll around on his tongue once more as they reached the car, repeating it in a tone somewhere between disbelief and delight. ”Miss Froggy, huh?” He squinted at the headlights when she gestured, leaning closer like he was actually examining them. ”Oh wow… You’re right. She’s got the little froggy eyes and that tiny smile grille thing…” His hand hovered like he was about to pinch the bumper’s “cheeks.” He gave a low whistle. “I’m not saying she should enter a beauty pageant, but… definitely cutest amphibian in the parking lot.”

The discovery that Lizzy actually named her car was…if he was honest, possibly a bigger highlight than what came next. Which was him rushing around with way too much ceremony to open the driver’s side door for Lizzy. And just like that, Miss Froggy welcomed them both in. Rudy slid into the passenger seat still half grinning at the thought of Lizzy giving her car a pet name, settling back like he’d just been invited into some exclusive club he didn’t even know he wanted membership in.

When Lizzy reached for the radio, he tilted his head just enough to catch the faint pink in her cheeks as the opening chords of Breakaway filled the car. His mouth tugged into a smirk, but not the mean kind… more the kind that said he was enjoying watching her get a little embarrassed. So Rudy didn’t interrupt, he just watched, elbow propped against the back of his sea as she frantically skipped through her stations like she could erase the fact that pop anthems were her first choice. By the time she landed on guitar riffs and bass, his smirk shifted into something wider, the kind of smile that let her know he wasn’t judging, he was actually delighted. He gave a slow nod in rhythm with the beat as if approving her final choice before finally speaking up. ”Don’t overestimate my girl Clarkson, she had me ready to belt out the chorus,“ Rudy side eyed her with exaggerated seriousness. ”But this…“ he tapped the dashboard in time with the raw guitar strum, ”This… his is gonna make that poor gas station clerk think we’re about to rob the place.“

So the concert began.
Rudy leaned forward like the dashboard was a stage, curling his hand into an invisible microphone and lifting it to his mouth. He sang out loud, off-key but full of that confidence only he could pull off. Then he swung the imaginary mic toward Lizzy, eyebrows raised like there was no way she was getting out of this. Luckily, he was with someone who easily managed to match this current energy and that’s exactly what he needed.
By the time they pulled into the gas station, he was out of breath from laughter more than singing. Lizzy turned off the engine and before Rudy could even think of saying anything, Lizzy got out of the driver’s seat and made her way to the passenger side and.. Opened the door for him. He stayed in the car for a second too long just looking at her in… surprise? Confusion? It sure wasn’t anything he expected and Rudy stepped out like she just rolled out a red carpet for him, pausing dramatically in the doorway she held open. ”Well, well, well…“ He started, leaning one forearm on the roof of the car. ” Didn’t know I’d signed up for the royal treatment tonight.“ He said with that same old grin on his face, just standing there…a moment before his grin softened into that almost boyish look that always managed to sneak out when he wasn’t trying. Then, like he caught himself he clapped his hands together and started walking toward the gas station. ”Alright, mission drinks. Stay sharp, follow my lead.“ He declared, voice dropping like they were about to rob the place instead of buy something.

Inside, compared to the car and streets they just passed, it was far too bright but Rudy didn’t miss a beat. He scanned the place for those machine, ”Okay, rule number one,“ he announced, throwing a hand back toward her like a teacher halting a student. ”The bigger and more neon the cup, the more dangerous it is. Rule number two…“ He stopped abruptly in front of the wall of slush machines. ” If your tongue isn’t dyed an unnatural shade by the end of it, you’re doing it wrong.“ He spun toward her, already grabbing the largest cup he could find, one so absurdly big it could probably double as a vase. He shook it once like he was testing its durability, then aimed for the neon blue flavor. ”This,“ he said quietly now, moving to the red one and watching it bleed into blue, ”is where legends are born.“
When she reached for her own, he leaned in just enough to make the moment unnecessarily dramatic, shoulder brushing hers. ”Choose wisely. This could define our entire- “ He stopped midsentence because even Rudy didn’t have a name for what this was between them. Friendship? No… it was… something brighter, something lighter, something tangled up in the way he looked at her when she laughed, the way she smiled when he acted ridiculous… He let out a small, almost embarrassed chuckle, shaking his head as if to clear the thought. ”Just choose wisely… No pressure, though.“ he ended up saying, his voice softer now.

∘₊┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈₊∘

@novella

[novella]

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨ February 2nd, The Drive ୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Lizzy had a spring in her step that she didn’t even try to hide as they approached the small building, isolated in the middle of the parking lot. It was the kind of walk that came naturally to her, that she usually tried to hide, but maybe because it was dark, or maybe there was some new developing comfortability around Rudy, Lizzy didn’t feel the need to hide. But as they got closer and Rudy spoke on their mission, Lizzy turned around, walking backwards so she could face him. “Copy that,” Lizzy responded solemnly, putting on a deep voice and pressing her lips together to fight a smile as they stopped at the entrance. “If I don’t make it, tell the Frog that I love her,” She said before turning away, facing where they were walking into.

The gas station was starkly lit, illuminating the cluttered shelves and the glossy white floors, and them as they walked in. Rudy was suddenly more visible, and Lizzy could see all the small details, his perfectly messy hair, the faint crease in the corner of his eyes when he smiled. Everything seemed exposed in here, and while he was clearly immune to this unflattering lighting, Lizzy suddenly became aware of how she might be percieved right now. Aware of how she was probably still sweaty from the cheer meet with wisps of baby hairs that had fallen out of her ponytail and any trace of makeup from that morning rubbed away. In a pathetic attempt to ammend any of that, Lizzy ran her fingers through her hair, coaxing the loose strands back into place. It made no real difference, of course.

Though thankfully, Rudy didn’t appear to be paying too much attention to Lizzy and what she looked like, as he had already located their target aisle. By the time he was reaching for the cup and meticulously explaining the methodology of doing so, Lizzy had forgotten about her worries as she listened intently. She nodded in approval at the chosen cup size, as if she had any sway on the matter. “I didn’t realise I was in the presence of a.. certified Slushie Scholar,” Lizzy told him, her brows raised with impress. “And that you would so willingly share this knowledge? A charitable scholar, at that,” She added, before Rudy’s cup was filled and he was turning to her, indicating her time to see how much she had learnt.

As she stepped up to the slush machines, Lizzy rolled her shoulders back, throwing in a few exaggerated arm stretches. Rudy told her to choose wisely, and Lizzy took a deep breath in as if she was preparing for battle. When she was reaching for the cup, he started to say how much of a defining moment this choice would be, but then… stopped. Lizzy’s hand froze midair, her gaze darting over to him as she watched him struggle to find words. Rudy struggling to find the words to say to her. If she had slighty less self-control, her jaw would have dropped. In that moment Lizzy could only be surprised at that sight, that she almost didn’t notice what it was that caused the loss of words.

Only when Rudy had recomposed himself did Lizzy realise what it had been, and her eyes widened. If it hadn’t been obvious that Lizzy had noticed at first, it was definitely obvious now. Define our entire… what?! That would have been a really informative and useful sentence for Rudy to finish there, but the moment for Lizzy to push for it was long gone now. She cleared her throat. “It sounds like there’s a lot on the line here,” She said, meeting his eyes, carefully choosing her words as she internally fought the urge she had to bring that back up. But only externally could she ignore it. What exactly was on the line here? Did that mean he thought there was something?

After a prolonged moment, Lizzy blinked and looked away from him, focusing on their surroundings instead, reminding herself of what they were doing. Right. Gas station, slush machines, flavours. She forced her hand back into motion, landing on one of the large cups as silent embarrassment rushed over her at how she could find away to overanalyze this situation. Once she’d picked it up, Lizzy alternated the cup from one hand to the other a few times as she tried to reapproach the playful mindset she had been in moments prior. “Legends born here, huh?” She said, circling back to what he had said before. “Feels like I’m one wrong colour away from being a cautionary tale for you here,” Lizzy continued, raising her eyebrows and looking in his direction again, faced with an expectant gaze.

“Okay, okay, I know, no more stalling,” Lizzy exclaimed, clutching onto the cup as she eventually landed on the spinning ice with a bright shade of grape purple. She pointed at it, and looked to Rudy for his opinion, but he gave an indifferent shrug as if to say he would only give it once she had committed to it. “Didn’t need your approval anyway,” She told him lightheartedly, as she turned to pour her trusted flavour of choice to fill half the cup. “Looks pretty… unnaturally tongue staining to me,” Lizzy thought out loud, with his rules in mind, before moving onto her next choice, the neon lime green that she then used to fill the rest.

With her back still turned, Lizzy clasped both hands around her finished product. “Okay, ready for the reveal?” She asked, her voice adopting a dramatic announcement-like style. At the sound of his response, Lizzy spun around, holding it up and releasing her hold enough to reveal the side profile. “Ta daaaa!” She exclaimed in a sing-song voice. “What do you think? A colour palette worthy for the seasoned professional?”

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

@astxrism

[benitz786]

April 2005 - The dreaded group project.

Emerson let his eyes fall to her bag that was stuffed so full it looked like it was about to split at the seams. He could already picture the contents in… excruciating detail: pastel binders, glitter pens, laminated tabs, probably even a damn ruler tucked neatly into one of the side pockets like she was prepping for the SATs and a scrapbook convention in the same f*cking breath. It sat between them like a third person and honestly, it was loud and obnoxious - just like her.

A stark contrast to the fact that he’d forgotten his bag altogether.

He hadn’t even realized until he’d gotten to school, which wasn’t new. Some mornings it was the bag. Other mornings, it was something else. It was always a trade-off with him on what he remembered and what he didn’t - honestly, the school was lucky he remembered to bring himself. All he had was one pencil in his hoodie pocket, albeit, it was dull, chewed at both ends, but it made noise when he tapped it against the desk. A steady beat that matched the ticking clock above the whiteboard. Tick. Tap. Tick. Tap. Counting down the minutes until this hellish hour was over and he could vanish again.

Across from him, she was talking. Not just talking… trying. Her voice all bright edges and forced optimism, like she could will this partnership into being something other than a nightmare. He didn’t respond. Not to her comment about the individual report, not to her suggestion that he’d have to “come up with a new plan,” and definitely not to the tight-lipped, goody-two-shoes smile she tacked on at the end like it might soften the blow.

Instead, he stared at her.

Right in the eyes.

Saying absolutely nothing.

It wasn’t a glare. Not quite. It was something quieter. More unsettling. Like he was trying to see how long it would take her to squirm. People hated silence ha, they hated real silence. They rushed to fill it. With noise, with apology, with whatever they thought would make it stop. But Emerson? He lived in it. Knew how to sharpen it into a weapon and let it hang like fog in a room.

And Lizzy?

She cracked just the way he expected.

She filled it with more words, more nervous energy, more of that relentless brightness that made his head ache. He watched the way she fidgeted with her pen, adjusted her posture, tried again with another light joke, another “everything’s fine!” laugh. She was like a walking after-school special, trying to force connection through pure will.

He blinked once, slow.

Then finally, he gave her what she craved - a response: “Please tell me you’re not going to burst into song and we’ll be surrounded by birds or some shit?”

His tone was flat, like he wasn’t even annoyed anymore, just tired. Like the idea of her breaking into a musical number was something that haunted his dreams and he needed to address it out loud, just in case the universe tried to make it happen.

No seriously.

Universe gods - please don’t let that happen.

She didn’t stop. Of course she didn’t. Something about Cheetah Girls. Something about coffee. Something about heat and energy and chemistry concepts that made his skull throb. even more

God, she smelled like vanilla and overachieving.

“Yeah… whatever. Sure, if it’ll get this whole thing done with faster.” The words dropped like bricks from his mouth. He scratched absently at the seam of his hoodie, dragging the frayed thread between his fingers until it snapped.

She kept going - listing off project ideas now, flipping through notes like she was trying to conjure excitement for the both of them. And he let her. Let her ramble, let her take the lead, let her pretend this was some team effort when really it was her dragging a corpse through a group assignment.

He wasn’t trying to be difficult.

Not exactly.

It was just that… lately, everything felt off.

Not loud, not spinning, not wrong in the way it sometimes got when things broke loose in his head. No… this was the opposite. Too quiet. Too clean. Like someone had scrubbed the edges off his brain. The world felt distant. Muted. Like he was pressing his face against the glass of his own life and watching someone else live it.

He didn’t feel sharp. Didn’t feel real.

He felt like a carbon copy of himself going through the motions. Doing the right thing. Not hearing voices. Not reacting. Not engaging. Just… existing. And maybe that’s why Lizzy’s endless commentary got under his skin so much. Because she was still feeling things. Still trying. Still walking around like her head wasn’t a minefield waiting to go off. It was exhausting.

It.

Was.

Exhausting.

He shifted again, pulling his hood up halfway, the fabric shadowing his face just enough to make the buzzing overhead lights a little less harsh. She was mid-sentence about endothermic reactions when he cut in again - voice quieter this time.

“You know you’re trying too hard, right?”

Not mean. Not snide. Just… there.

Like he was pointing out the obvious and waiting to see what she’d do with it.

He didn’t smile. Didn’t blink. Just watched her again, curious now.
Because most people? They couldn’t handle it.

And he wanted to see what happened when she finally cracked.

@novella

[Kristi]

---

1 week after his mom returned

---

One week. One whole fcking week since Malik’s been out of his house. He couldn’t go there, but he knew he would of course had to go back for three reasons:

1. He was a minor and his father and his ‘surrogacy’ parent would call the cops to drags his @ss back.
2. He had Jordan to think about, and if there was anyone in the world he could abandon, it wasn’t Jordan. He couldn’t do that to her.
3. He couldn’t keep leeching off Charlotte and her parents, no matter how many times they said they were fine with it + he didn’t like little blackwell and little blackwell ain’t like him back, so shxt was tense as fck in this btch (but not as fcked as it would be at home)

He just couldn’t believe the prodigal mother was back. Like aah yes, you left for 8 years and you’re back and Malik is supposed to act like nothing happened? Fck that shit, seriously fck it. But he couldn’t say that to her face and don’t get him wrong, he didn’t care about the btch’s feelings, not at all, but seeing her face simply made him uncomfortable. He didn’t know how to talk to her nor how to yell at her, it was simply weird.

And the worst part? Everybody else was acting like it was normal. His dad moving through the house like nothing, like she hadn’t vanished for nearly a decade and left Malik to clean up the silence she carved out. Jordan with that childish giggle and excitement when she saw their mom.
Malik hated it. Hated the way her perfume lingered in the hall, hated the way her laugh tried to fill in the cracks. He hated the way she looked at him, like she wanted him to be eight years old again, running into her arms.

Nah. That boy was dead. She killed him when she left.

And Malik wasn’t about to resurrect him for her.

"Malik,” Charlotte’s voice cut through his spiral, a little tentative, like she already knew he was gonna bite back. “Come help me with this, it’s heavy".

Malik dragged his eyes up from the cracked screen of his phone and gave her a look. “Slavery has been dead for a while"” he muttered, but he still shoved the phone into his pocket and stood.

Charlotte gave him a look but didn’t argue, leading him to the side of the porch where some bulky-ass box sat waiting. She bent down, fingers curling under it, and Malik immediately shook his head. “Nah, sit your @ss down. Those little arms can’t do nothing but carry your cheer pumpumps."

She rolled her eyes, the dramatic kind, but a laugh cracked through anyway. “You’re so fcking annoying,” she said, pushing his shoulder lightly as he carried the thing like it was empty.

He dropped it by the side of the steps and brushed his hands off. “There. Princess duties complete. Now where’s my medal?"”

Charlotte shook her head, biting back another laugh, and motioned for him to follow her into the backyard. They settled into the plastic chairs by the old wood fence, cicadas humming loud like static in the background. A couple minutes later, she disappeared inside and came back with two cold cans, setting one in front of him.

Malik cracked it open, foam fizzing at the lip. Silence stretched for a moment, thick and uncomfortable, before Charlotte leaned back and spoke.

“You gonna keep pretending your phone is more interesting than your entire life falling apart?” she asked, tone light but her eyes sharp.

Malik scoffed, staring at the bubbles racing up in his drink. “My life been falling apart. What’s that thing you girls are now suddenly interested in. Astrology? Yeah it must be mercury retrograde cause my surrogate showing up just makes it official."

Charlotte didn’t flinch. “You’ve been walking around here like you swallowed barbed wire. And I’m not saying you gotta forgive her or even talk to her, but you can’t keep locking it all inside like this.”

Malik’s jaw tightened. He looked away, out at the patchy grass and peeling fence paint. “She left me. She left us. And now she’s back like she never did. Jordan’s eating it up. Dad’s eating it up. Everybody’s acting like I’m the problem ‘cause I don’t wanna clap for her return.”

Charlotte took a slow sip of her drink, then said quietly, “You’re not the problem. You’re the only one willing to call shxt what it is.”

That almost got a smile out of him. Almost.

Charlotte leaned forward, her elbows on her knees, eyes soft but steady. “I’m telling you… you don’t have to carry all of this alone. Let me help you get your mind off it, even for a little while.”
emphasised text
Malik didn’t say anything. Then he did, with a furrowed brow and a ghost of a smirk tugging at his lips. “You know you’re not really my type, right?”

Charlotte didn’t hesitate. With a quick, sharp motion, she slapped the top of his head. “Not that you pig”

He laughed, a little rougher than he expected, and shook his head. “Fair. Fair. "

She rolled her eyes, grabbing his arm and tugging him toward the driveway. “Come on, drama king. We’re getting out of here. You need a break from… all this grown-up nonsense. Let’s go somewhere fun before your brain melts entirely.”

Malik followed, letting himself get pulled along, the tension in his shoulders easing just a touch. They hopped into Charlotte’s beat-up car, the windows down, the late-afternoon heat spilling in. The hum of the engine, the wind in his hair, it felt like stepping out of his own heavy thoughts and into a world that didn’t care about his family drama for five minutes.

.“Where we going?” Malik asked, trying not to sound too relieved.

“You’ll see. Trust me,” Charlotte said, a grin stretching across her face. “No lectures, no moms showing up out of nowhere, no dads pretending everything’s fine. Just… fun.”

They drove past the familiar streets, the sun sliding low behind the rooftops, settling into the kind of golden haze that made even peeling paint look like art. Soon, they were at a small, rickety carnival on the edge of town, the smells of popcorn and fried dough hitting Malik like a wave. Malik was going to head towards the food, but Charlotte practically dragged him toward the bumper cars, laughing when he looked at her like she was crazy.

“Charlotte. Charlotte. I’m not getting in that shxt, what am I 9?”

“You’re not?” She gasped as if it was a real shocker and Malik rolled his eyes. “But come on just get inside, you know I just learnt of his term toxic masculinity and you’re behaving like the definition of that right now.” Malik had given her a look that said ‘does it look like i give a fck?’

Charlotte laughed, a sharp, teasing sound that cut through the hum of the carnival. “Oh my God, Malik, you do give a fck—you’re just trying to look tough. Now come on, before I push you in myself.”

“That attitude might get you in trouble someday.” He muttered rolling his eyes as he got into the ridiculous small, squeaky, and smelling faintly of fried sugar and rubbery bumper car. Charlotte buckled into the car next to him.

“Ready to eat my dust, Malik?” she called out, and Malik couldn’t help but smirk despite himself.

“You really think that’s possible?” he shot back, gripping the wheel.

The ride started, and chaos exploded around them. Bumper cars collided, metal clanged, kids screamed with delight—and Charlotte laughed, loud and unrestrained, like a sound he hadn’t realized he’d missed. She leaned forward, swerving her car with precision, ramming his lightly.

“Haha! There! Eat that, Mr. Grumpy!”

Malik swerved back, laughing despite himself. “Oh, it’s on now, princess. You’re going down!”

They bumped each other back and forth, screaming and laughing, Charlotte’s hands gripping the wheel like it was life itself. Malik felt something shift, a knot in his chest loosening just a little. The anger, the tension, the suffocating feeling of being stuck in a family he didn’t know how to navigate—all of it faded into the hum of the engines, the collision of cars, and Charlotte’s relentless energy.

At one point, Charlotte’s car nudged his so hard that he nearly tipped over. She leaned out, grinning wildly. “Admit it! You needed this!”

Malik shook his head, laughing, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. “Maybe… maybe you’re the worst teammate ever. But okay, fine. This… helps.”

Charlotte shot him a triumphant smirk. “Told ya. Sometimes, Malik, you just gotta let yourself be a kid—even if the world’s trying to act like you’re not.”

By the end of the ride, both of them were laughing so hard their sides hurt, cheeks flushed, hair sticking in wild directions. Malik felt lighter than he had in days, maybe weeks, and he realized that, for now, he could survive being home a little longer, because for this one golden, reckless evening, Charlotte had reminded him how to just… breathe.

---

[astxrism]

{ the drive / February 2nd / with Lizzy }

∘₊┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈₊∘

While Lizzy poured, Rudy barely registered what she was doing, what colors she was swirling together. His eyes weren’t on the cup at all, they were on her. He found himself thinking she looked… happy? That bright, unguarded kind of happy that made those harsh fluorescent lights of the gas station feel like something softer. And before she turned to face him, cup in hand, Rudy was still standing there, caught… admiring. He straightened quickly when she spun around.

His eyes lit up at the sight of her masterpiece, the purple and lime stacked together like it came out of a villain’s lab. He tilted his head, squinting at it as if appraising a fine piece of art. His lips twitched, fighting a smile as he tried to look very serious, crossing his arms and giving a low, thoughtful hum. ”Bold choice,“ he finally said, drawing it out like he was a judge on some reality competition. ”Could start a revolution in the slushy world.“ His lips broke into a grin. ”Seasoned professional such as myself would be jealous.“

He stepped closer, shoulder brushing hers again as he leaned to get a better look. ”Yeah, I’d say you passed the first test,“ His voice softened, that grin still playing on his lips and for a beat longer than necessary, he didn’t move away. Then, like flicking a switch back to playful, he straightened and gestured toward the front counter. ”Alright then, scholar in training,“ he said, lowering his voice to that fake commanding tone again. He reached out suddenly, plucking the cup from her grip, his fingers brushed against hers just long enough to make it feel intentional. ”Time for stealing… And.. this looks really good actually,“ he took one last look at her cup and shook his head in mock disbelief, already walking toward the counter. ” Dangerous combination, you know. Good looks and good instincts. Unfair advantage against the rest of us mere mortals.“

He didn’t give Lizzy a chance to argue, at the counter he dropped a few bills, sliding them across. ”Keep the change,“ he added with a smile at the clerk, then turned back. Rudy stepped out of the gas station first, holding the cups… he held up her cup, tilting it slightly as if inspecting it for any imperfections before offering it back, “You know,“ he said, voice lower now, the playful tone still there but softened, ”If this is a glimpse of your taste in drinks, I’m genuinely worried about how dangerously charming the rest of your choices might be.” He offered her a smile. ”You obviously got a knack for picking good things. Lucky me for being in the right place at the right time,“ he added, slowing down to match her steps, all his movements somehow both casual and deliberate.

When they reached her car he turned fully toward her with that easy smile that made his whole face light up. ”So.. ready to try our masterpiece?“ His eyes flicked briefly to the neon slush in her hands, but only for a beat…then back to her.

∘₊┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈₊∘

@novella

[novella]

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊ April, 2005 Chemistry Class ₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Since he had joined, Lizzy had wondered how Emerson had established himself as an outsider right away. He was never around the same people, or anyone for longer than a few days for that matter. It made her wonder if his efforts had been denied, if he had been pushed away and ran from everyone like she once had? But when she spoke to him now, Lizzy realised she might have been wrong. The way he carried himself, the distance in his eyes, the minimal responses - Emerson had chosen this. And she couldn’t understand how someone would choose to be unnoticed. Disliked, even. It unsettled her, but also drew her to him at the same time.

Lizzy’s eyes shifted in his direction the moment he offered one of his rare responses. Sure, it wasn’t- again- the nicest thing he could have said, but it gave Lizzy slightly more to work with. She tilted her head slightly, suddenly feeling immune to any harm he meant by that statement, with a smile that knew he wasn’t going to like whatever she could possibly say next, but she was going to say something anyway. “You seem to know a lot about musicals,” Lizzy told him, her tone humorous but delicate now, as if the slightest change in tone would send him up and leaving.

“Well…” She suddenly continued, internally wondering how she could actually bare to say anything ever again when Emerson kept looking at her like that. “Good to know someone else around here imagining spontaneous musicals and singing animals,” She said, tapping her pen against the palm of her hand and looking around to avoid whatever digusted reaction he was having to her joke.

Now that ‘they’ had decided on a topic, Lizzy finally had a new distraction in that she could start building on ideas from her initial notes on what to do. The experiments, what they would be measuring, how they would present it, how long she would need to keep writing before the bell rang. As she wrote, Emerson’s voice appeared from behind her again, and she winced at his comment on doing whatever it took to get this done faster. “I think it will probably take the two weeks allocated to u—” She started, before he cut her off. His voice was quiet, a stark contrast from his biting tone and sharp remarks he had been making prior, and it probably made it worse. It prompted her to put her pen down, and finally fully face him.

In the brief glances Lizzy had cast in his direction, she had thought it was irritation and frustration on Emerson’s face. From being paired with her, from having to do a project, from being in class. But now she was taking the moment to actually stop and look at him to figure out what he meant by that comment, Lizzy could see that he was wrong. Well, not wrong about him not wanting her as partner, that much was obvious. But there wasn’t the deep-rooted anger she had anticipated being on his face, in his eyes. It was nothing. His eyes were hollow, an absent void in place of where emotion should be. It was a look she’d seen before.

“I…-” Lizzy started, trying to recall what he’d asked. When she did, she sighed to herself as she realised it probably looked like it was his question that she was shaken by. “Yeah maybe,” She eventually said, forcing a shrug, and going back to her notes pretending she had some idea of what to write. “This project probably doesn’t count for much, you’re right. I just find it interesting. Like, chemistry and stuff,” Lizzy continued, before taking the time to consider what he might have actually meant by that.

When checking the clock, Lizzy cleared her throat. They were almost done. “Okay, so Mr. Carter said we can use the lab during class time,” She recalled, telling him this while knowing there was a high chance he was going to ignore her and let her go alone. “We can use the lab tomorrow? I have a few ideas of demos we can do to get ahead of this,” Lizzy explained, before raising her eyebrows and offering some form of incentive for him, “Meaning it will get done so much quicker,” She said, which really meant: she could get on and do the rest after that. “So… come tomorrow. Please,” Lizzy concluded, before the bell rang and just like that he was gone.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

@benitz786

[novella]

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨ February 2nd, 2005 The Drive ୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon’s sparkling

Rudy took a moment to hold back his reaction to her reveal, making his judgements internally. “I didn’t realise you were such a harsh critic,” Lizzy told him lightly, with her brows raised. Though she suppressed her smile as he folded his arms, awaiting the final thoughts. Eventually, Rudy gave away his thoughts, telling her it was a bold choice that could start a revolution. She smiled immediately, feeling a buzz from getting his approval even at something as small as this. Then she fought to drop the smile, shrugging. “Wellll I had a great teacher,” Lizzy told him, in an overly trying-to-stay-humble manner.

Lizzy’s eyes flicked from her cup to the ground, and she watched as his feet stepped closer to hers. Her eyes subtly widened, and while Rudy had stayed focused on the colour scheme of her ice, Lizzy had fixated on his proximity right now. It was probably an accident, but enough for her to stay hung up on it for the moments he was in her close vicinity. And if that hadn’t been enough to set off an internal spiral, Rudy then took what was in her hand, brushing his fingers grazing hers without any warning. Lizzy opened her mouth, and had to make a conscious effort not to blurt questions on what he was doing, if he was doing that on purpose, if so, why would he be doing that.

Thankfully, Rudy beat her to saying anything, continuing to compliment her work as they reached the counter. Lizzy laughed, underlying nerves creeping up as she became conscious of the clerk watching them, as if she needed a witness to her failing to function properly around Rudy. “I mean, pfft, come on, purple and green will always be a good look,” She insisted, her hands gesturing towards it as she struggled to find something else to do with them. “But yeah, sure, you know, I’ll probably start working on that revolution some point soon,” Lizzy continued, before meeting the gaze of the clerk as Rudy was looking away, with a look that said I don’t know either. As Rudy looked back, dollar bills landed on the counter, “You don’t—” Lizzy started, but he was already turning towards the door. “Thank you,” She said as she caught up with him.

As they stepped outside, Lizzy raised her eyebrows at Rudy’s interpretation from her slushy; her making charming choices. “Okay, I think that might be a bit of a–” Lizzy started, before he continued to insist on his point. Then she tilted her head, barely hiding her disbelief at him claiming to have merely been at the right place at the right time. Did he not know that Lizzy knew the exact place and the exact time for her to ‘bump’ into him? “And how do you know it wasn’t just another one of my great choices?” She asked, surprising herself with the forwardness, while still downplaying the deliberateness of her actions.

After all his talking on it and the careful crafting behind it, Rudy finally declared the moment of trying the slushies. “Okay, well, it better have been worth it,” Lizzy told him, as if it wouldn’t all be worth it even if it tasted like sh!t. She held up the cup as he looked at her with anticipation. “Okay, I’m doing it,” Lizzy said, overplaying the moment as if she was about to jump off a cliff. She finally put the straw to her lips, taking the first sip of her concoction. The cold hit her tongue immediately, closely followed by the sugary sourness of the lime and grape. “Oh my God,” Lizzy exclaimed, her hand reaching for her head that had taken a hit from the jolt of ice. “That’s a lot,” She told him, her reaction hard to read for a prolonged moment.

Eventually, Lizzy broke out into a laugh, more revealing of her thoughts. “You were right, it’s amazing,” She admitted with a wide smile. “Maybe you’re not too bad at making choices yourself,” Lizzy told him, her head nodding in his direction playfully, before she went in for another sip. Her hand went back up to her head again as she said, “And yes, it was all totally worth it. Minus the pain part, thanks for that warning,” Lizzy commented lightly.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

@astxrism

[astxrism]

{ the kiss / February 2nd / with Lizzy }

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Rudy was watching her like a coach waiting on that game winning shot, arms clumsily folded because he was trying to hold his drink, brows lifted in full anticipation as she finally went in for the sip. The second Lizzy’s hand shot up to her temple, he lauuuughed out a laugh. ”Oh nooo, no no, there it is! The rookie mistake!” He said, slightly shaking his head. ” First rule: always ease into the greatness. Otherwise? Boom! Instant brain freeze. That’s science, Lizzy.“

”And I know it’s amazing,“ he said, tipping his cup slightly as if to punctuate the point.
”This… This is how you do it,“ He lifted his own cup and took a long, deliberate sip, tilting his head back as the icy rush hit him. Eyes closed, he let out a satisfied hum smacking his lips. ”Seeee? Not that hard,“ there it was again, that playful smirk as he carefully set his cup on the roof of her car. Standing a little straighter, hands free now, watching her. ”Sooo that’s how it goes? You get one compliment in and suddenly I’m officially impressive and can make good choices?“ His tone was playful but the way his eyes lingered on her made it clear he was enjoying it more than he could admit.

When she took another sip Rudy reached out, palm pressing to her temple with that fake pouty face. ”Oh, poor you. Not the brain freeze again,“ he teased again, letting his hand rest there for another moment before very gently and slowly sliding it down to cup her cheek. His thumb lingered gently as he met her gaze, the joke softening into something more. The world seemed to shrink around them and… Rudy didn’t hesitate.
He didn’t hesitate but… he was also not thinking. Not really. One second he was teasing, brushing her forehead with mock pity and then.. he was leaning in.

His lips met hers suddenly, without warning, soft at first like he was testing his actions. But the second her warmth met his, any restraint dissolved. His other hand found its way to the small of her back, fingers pressing gently, pulling her just a little closer. He just went for it and when he finally pulled back, just a fraction, the world snapped back around him. He blinked, suddenly aware of how close they still were. His hand dropped instantly from her face, his grin faltering into something more sheepish as he met her eyes… her face that to him looked like he just did something he probably shouldn’t have done. He froze for a beat, caught in the raw vulnerability of the moment. ”… Sorry,“ he mumbled, almost under his breath, almost awkwardly. He tried studying her expression but… couldn’t quite make anything out of it. It was unnerving but Rudy realized that this was one “choice” he didn’t regret making.

∘₊┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈₊∘

@novella

[novella]

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨ February 2nd, 2005 The Drive ୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

You can hear it in the silence,
You can feel it on the way home

Lizzy rolled her eyes as Rudy laughed at her brain freeze, suppressing the urge to laugh along for the sake of making her argument. She held up her index finger in his direction, “Okay, one, that was totally not your first rule for slushies, Rudy,” She told him, emphasising this considering the meticulous list of rules he had shared with her in the gas station. Then held up a second finger. “And two, let’s not forget how well I was doing until this moment, alright? Come on, I was bound to fall short at some point, give me a break,” Lizzy said, the crinkling corners of her eyes betraying her ‘serious’ points.

“We get it, you’re the professional here,” Lizzy said lightheartedly, gesturing around to the empty audience when saying ‘we’, as Rudy demonstrated his immunity to the pain of ice, holding her hand up between them and looking away as if she couldn’t bare to watch him showing off this expertise anymore. Then Rudy commented on her praise to him, and Lizzy pulled her arm back, looking at him as she raised her eyebrows. “I actually don’t think I ever said ‘impressive’,” She couldn’t help but point out.

The next few moments were a whirlwind. One moment, Lizzy was resting her cup beside his on the car, blinking rapidly against the sting of cold that still lingered, focused on her aching head. Before she could see what he was doing, Rudy had swooped in, pressing his palm on her temple. The instant the contact was made, her attention had locked onto him, her mind completely emptied. He was just joking, she could see that, about Lizzy’s rookie error once again. But, by the time she had processed that and was ready to say something back, something shifted in Rudy’s gaze, and she watched as any trace of amusement suddenly disappeared. What replaced it was something harder to read, and Lizzy wasn’t given much time to figure it out before he was kissing her.

Repeat, he was kissing her. As in Rudy, to Lizzy. As in maybe things hadn’t been completely in her head all this time and maybe there was something reciprocated in her feelings. At least the tiniest bit. It was like an outbreak of butterflies had been released in her stomach, and she could almost hear the sound of her heart pounding, Rudy might have been able to feel it. Lizzy could have pulled away just from the shock of it all. She didn’t, of course. She leaned in, holding onto this moment like it was the last time it would happen. When Rudy pulled away, it was like a brief moment of coming back down to reality- the kind that made her heart race. Yes, that was actually Rudy in front of her, yes, that actually did just happen, no, she was definitely not dreaming.

Lizzy studied Rudy’s expression as he apologised. There was something new in Rudy’s eyes, something nervous, unguarded, even. It was far from his usual playful and lightheartedness, and it surprised Lizzy possibly more than the kiss itself. There was something about that vulnerability that gave Lizzy the a sudden surge of confidence. She held his gaze for a moment longer, before she was cupping his face in her hands, closing the distance once again and kissing him back.

When they returned to the car, Lizzy scrunched her nose to stop herself from nervous laughing, before looking across to Rudy. “Okay, fine. Maybe I do say ‘impressive’,” She said.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

@astxrism

[astxrism]

{ the kiss / February 2nd / with Lizzy }

∘₊┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈₊∘

For a split second Rudy thought he ruined it. That silence stretched just a beat too long and he was already about to laugh it off, make some dumb joke to cover himself, when suddenly her hands were on his face. Now… it’s not like Rudy is confident like that, but everything so far led him to believe she would return it… Even if, for a very short moment, he might’ve questioned that right there. Still, relief crashed over him and then there was no room left for relief at all… just her.

His hands drop to her waist and he tugged her forward, closing whatever space existed between them. A small smile crept onto his face as he didn’t let her back away, instead his hand slipped up to the back of her neck as he kissed her back again. And harder this time, bolder, the kind of kiss that said he’d been waiting for this maybe longer than he’d even admitted to himself. Without thinking, he walked her back step by step until her back met the cool metal of the car behind her. The thud was soft, almost reminding them that the world still existed but Rudy didn’t care. He braced one hand against the car near her head, the other still holding her.

For once in his life, returning to her car, Rudy didn’t have a single joke, a single cocky line. To her words he only smiled but still managed to shrug his shoulders in that “yeah, I know” way.

∘₊┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈₊∘

He’d just do that okay, Next scene coming soon

@novella

[astxrism]

{ bonfire panic / August, 2005 / with Lizzy }
{ I lost faith in the world a long time ago }

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The fire settled into that steady rhythm… those low crackles, a sudden hiss when a log shifted, bursts of sparks once in a while. The smell of wood smoke clung to Rudy’s clothes, his hair, the inside of his throat every time he laughed. Jesse was still poking at the flames with a stick and muttering something when they flared back while Charlotte was sprawled out on the blanket, telling some long story Rudy stopped listening to halfway through… Because Lizzy was next to him.

He was sitting on the log closest to the lake, his shoulders were hunched forward while his legs sprawled in that lazy way of his. But really he was angled just enough that Lizzy could tuck into his side. To anyone else, it probably looked casual… like she was leaning against him for warmth in the cool night air but Rudy knew better. He knew the way her shoulder pressed a little firmer against his ribs than it had to. The way her hand, resting between them on the log brushed his every so often. And Rudy was restless… always was. His foot tapped against the sand, he shifted often, adjusting his seat on the log, leaning forward then back again. But every twitch had purpose… A way to let his fingers graze her hand, a way to let his knee bump hers like it was nothing. He couldn’t stop glancing down at her. At how her hair caught the glow of the fire and every time she laughed, even when it wasn’t at anything he said, his chest tightened just a little. But Rudy played it cool… He leaned back on one hand, grabbed a bottle of beer with the other and made some offhand comment to Jesse about not knowing how to keep firewood from collapsing. Everyone laughed, the conversation rolled on and he let his free arm drop just a little, just enough that his knuckles brushed against Lizzy’s thigh.

After a while, Charlotte pulled Jesse into some ridiculous argument about who knows what so Rudy used the distraction… He dipped his head down just enough to murmur into Lizzy’s ear, “You warm enough?” He watched for her reaction, a small smile pulling at his lips when her hand slipped beneath his on the log, fingers threading with his. Rudy exhaled slow, biting down on his grin and gave her hand one squeeze before letting go… Was it torture? Sure. But it was the kind of torture he thought he deserved.

The lake stretched out in front of them, dark and endless and Rudy shifted his gaze to it, stared at it like it could cool him down. Every now and then Charlotte’s laugh would snap him back or Jesse would say something dumb and Rudy would throw in a one liner, keep up appearances. But the whole time his thumb brushed the back of Lizzy’s hand where no one could see and when she leaned her head against his shoulder for the briefest second, he tilted his cheek against her hair and just… stayed there. For Rudy time warped. Minutes passed and it felt like hours, like he was wrapped in something fragile and perfect… Too perfect.
And that’s when it started.
At first, it was subtle. A skip in his breathing… His grin faltered, only for a second, quickly disguised by another sip of beer. But inside his chest had tightened in a way that wasn’t from Lizzy’s touch. It was from the thought that crept in, uninvited. The warmth pressed against his side, Lizzy’s shoulder, Lizzy’s hand suddenly felt dangerous. Not because of her but because of what she meant. Because if he let himself really have this… if he let himself hold on… what happens then?

He rubbed at the back of his neck, laughing at something Jesse said but his voice was thinner than usual and he hated that. He hated how his body betrayed him like this. He could notice Lizzy glancing at him so he quickly forced a smile as he looked down at her. “Hey,” He said it like it’s no big deal, trying to joke just to not give himself away. “Be back in a second. You’ll be good here without me? I promise Jesse is not as scary as he looks..well..sometimes.”

∘₊┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈₊∘

@novella
@CerealKiller mentioned there

[astxrism]

{ first day of senior year / week before Lottie’s murder / with Lottie }
{ and I’m a man with a thimble fighting a flood }

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The locker room was supposed to smell like a fresh start… that new year, clean slate. Instead all Rudy could taste was the sharp tang of metal and disinfectant… It was first day of senior year and he couldn’t even complain about it, anything was better than the usual locker room stew of sweat and socks. But the air still carried that faint musk like the summer heat never got the memo that vacation was over.

Pockets of light and shadow broke across the tile while one light flickered over Rudy like it was already tired of the semester and Rudy… well, he claimed the darkest corner he could find. He was sitting on the cold floor, back against the lockers, knees drawn up, one sneaker tilted sideways so the sole faced the wall. The chill crept through his jeans, grounding him while his hoodie sleeves swallowed his hands. He twisted the cuff absent mindedly… tight, then loose… over and over. His chest still held a bit of a panic that came fast and left a sour aftertaste, the kind that made his ribs question whether breathing was worth the effort. Senior year was supposed to feel bigger, but right now it just felt… loud.

That’s when the door squeaked open.
His eyes flicked toward it lazily, expecting maybe some freshman who got lost. Instead Charlotte slipped inside like she owned the place, hair a little windblown, scanning the room like she was looking for something. She spotted him immediately. “…Again?” Her voice wasn’t judgmental. It wasn’t even surprised, it was the kind of tone people use when they’ve been here before, when they already know the answer. Rudy blinked, caught but not embarrassed, the corner of his mouth tipping into a crooked grin. “Heyyy… you know this is the boys locker room, right? Bold move… I respect it.” One eyebrow arched, she crossed her arms and stayed by the door for a beat, measuring the air. “You, uh…” he waved vaguely toward the benches. “Lost something? Or are you here to challenge me to a sit up contest? Warning, I’ll fake an injury by round one. Very dramatic.”

Charlotte exhaled through her nose, half sigh, half almost laugh and wandered forward until the smell of her perfume replaced the smell of metal. She slid down opposite him, the floor squeaking under her shoes and stretched her legs out. “Looking for something…” she said. Then, softer but aimed right at him, “You look… Like you’re having a moment.” “A moment?” Rudy widened his eyes in mock innocence. “Nah. Just soaking up the ambiance… Eau de Gym Sock, limited edition. You can’t buy this kind of atmosphere, you know I missed it over the summer.” He swept a hand toward the room’s dim corners. Her mouth twitched. “Right.” “Fine,” he spoke up, voice quieter. “Maybe I was… chilling a little too hard.”

She leaned back against the lockers now mirroring him. The silence that settled wasn’t awkward, it just… was. Still, he felt a small hitch in the quiet… Jesse’s breakup with Charlotte hovered between them and now Rudy wasn’t sure what to do with his eyes or his words. Bestfriend code said keep things normal but normal suddenly felt complicated. So for a moment Rudy let his head tilt, studying her shoes. “You’ve got a speck of glitter on your left sneaker. Secret fairy fight?” “Banners duty for tryouts,” she said, a reluctant smile tugging. “Ahh.. close enough. Cheerleader fairies are the most dangerous kind.” Some tension in his shoulders eased. Charlotte rested her elbows on her knees. “So how long were you planning to sit here? Should I fetch you something so you don’t starve during your dramatic floor residency?” Rudy straightened just enough to give a mock serious nod. “This is my training arc…Gotta start strong if I want gold.” She shook her head but still gave a small laugh.

They let the quiet stretch again, the buzzing light and distant squeak of sneakers in the gym filling the gaps. Charlotte’s gaze drifted toward him every so often… Finally Rudy rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “It’s… a lot. First day and all. Feels like everyone else came in with a plan, and I’m just…” he flicked his fingers, searching… but never ended that thought. Charlotte tilted her head. “Yeah,” she echoed, soft but sure.

[astxrism]

{ Rudy’s first senior year week: a collection of moments }

∘₊┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈₊∘

{ hallway philosopher }

Rudy leaned against his locker, oversized backpack dangling precariously from one shoulder. His other hand fiddled with the zipper, tugging it up and down in rhythm with his foot tapping a little too fast for anyone else to follow. The hallway was filled with freshmen, all looking overwhelmed and terrified like they’d just stumbled into a jungle with no map. Rudy grinned. Perfect…Absolutely perfect. This was his stage, he saw the perfect opportunity to be… inspirational. “Listen, kid,” he said, waving both hands as if conducting an orchestra no one else could hear. “High school is like a sandwich… and you? You’re the mustard… or ketchup? Whatever you prefer- what I’m trying to say is: don’t let anyone squish you.” He leaned forward just enough to make the kid flinch, perfect timing and gave a theatrical wink, tapping the kid’s shoulder. He watched the boy’s eyes go wide. Success. First point scored.

He crouched slightly, whispering now, voice low and conspiratorial. “And if anyone tells you that cafeteria pizza is bad… ignore them. They lie.” Rudy’s eyebrows went up in mock horror as he added, “Propaganda! Do not consume the lies!” He straightened, backpack falling a little heavier on his shoulder and walked away from the boy down the hall, giving a theatrical bow to no one in particular. He caught himself mid step, noticing his hoodie string dangling. Tugged it, twirled it, smiled at his reflection in the trophy case.
First day energy, baby.

---

{ locker chaos }

Later that day, Rudy approached his locker and immediately froze. The combination? Gone. Completely gone… Who even remembers a combination? Not Rudy. Not today. Not ever. He jiggled the dial, tapping the locker like that might help but of course it didn’t. “Three… wait, no- AH! Seven?” He twisted, tugged, muttered dramatic curses under his breath. “Come on, baby.” Click. Nope. Wrong. Click. Wrong again. He paused, hand hovering over the dial, staring like it had personally insulted him. His backpack shifted on his shoulder, almost tipping him sideways, and he flailed briefly before catching it. Finally, with a long, looooong exaggerated exhale he yanked the locker open.

Chaos.
Absolute chaos.
Papers spilled like confetti over the floor, notebooks leaned precariously and every doodle, every absurd little margin sketch seemed to stare at him with judgmental eyes. A stick figure giving the middle finger, a doodled cat with a crown, a quote about life being “like soup, sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it’s cold, and sometimes it’s just weird.” Rudy grinned… Perfect, a locker reflecting his soul. He reached in and started shuffling through things with the care of someone defusing a bomb. A notebook fell open to a page covered in ink swirls and half formed equations. A kid passed by. “Dude… how do you even-”
“I live in the abstract, my friend,” Rudy said, waving dramatically, the movement sending a few more papers fluttering to the floor. “Order? Pfft. Overrated. Chaos? That’s where the magic happens.”

That’s when he started rearranging the pile in a way that only made sense to him: folders on top, a stray homework sheet tucked just so, a half eaten granola bar wedged in the side… By the time Rudy shoved a rogue pencil into the top shelf, a small crowd gathered, mostly freshmen and one confused senior who clearly regretted walking by. Rudy didn’t even notice them at first. He was too busy giving his locker a proud, slightly maniacal glowup.

---

{ janitor training }

Passing the janitor in the hall, Rudy spotted him struggling with a bucket of water. Without a second thought Rudy leapt into action like a superhero he is. “Hold up, sir! Let the rookie show you how a master handles this!” The janitor gave him a look that said oh boy, here we go again, but he smiled anyway. “You’re lucky I’m not charging for lessons,” he said. Rudy grinned, tipping an imaginary hat. Together they carried the bucket down the hall. Rudy tripped slightly and the janitor chuckled. “Kid, you’re gonna spill that.” “I might, but I like to keep things exciting,” Rudy said, waggling his eyebrows and straightening, steadying the bucket. “Floor mopping olympics, training in progress. Gold medal incoming!” The janitor shook his head, laughing. “Man, I can’t wait for you to leave. Is this your last year already?”

Rudy made that fake shocked face. “How dare you! You’ve known me for years and now you’re counting down the days?” He spun around the mop. “I’ve left my mark here, sir. History will remember me…” The janitor laughed out loud. “You’ve been doing this since freshman year, huh? Same antics every time. You never change, kid.” “Exactly!” Rudy threw his arms up, nearly tipping the bucket, then caught it. “Consistency is key, my friend. Plus, who else will make janitor training an art form? You’ll tell stories about me for decades” He added, leaning casually against the wall now, mop propped beside him. “Remember me fondly, my friend.” The janitor waved him off. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll try.”

[novella]

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨ August, 2005 Bonfire ୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

I hope I never lose you

Lizzy’s eyes followed the dancing flames as they flared and flickered, illuminating the four of them as they sat on logs in the otherwise darkness. It was one of the last weekends before starting junior year, and they were finishing it exactly how they had spent most of the summer. Jesse and Lottie sat on the opposite side of the fire, fluctuating between snappy remarks, kissing, exhausted eyerolls and laughter. Their back-and-forth had become the standard on nights like these, but Lizzy never usually paid mind to them. Not when Rudy was there.

That night at the gas station had been a turning point that started something between Lizzy and Rudy. In the following months, there were more frequent car drives and unhurried walks home, and phone calls that stretched on for hours, keeping their two-man movie club alive. The summer had only escalated this, their time unburdened by classes and other people and open to spend completely with each other - giving her feelings for him the space to grow even further. Rudy had carved out a place in Lizzy’s life, in her mind, her heart, and it wasn’t going anywhere. She hung onto his every word, memorised how the corner of his eyes crinkled when he smiled, the subtly playful way he leaned into jokes. It didn’t even matter to Lizzy what they were, regardless of Lottie’s comments on the lack of clarification. Lizzy was certain of her feelings, and she held onto hope that Rudy felt something at least nearly equivalent.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Lizzy said softly as Rudy asked if she was warm enough, the check in being enough to send a buzz through Lizzy. But it fizzled out when she glanced in his direction, the firelight catching his profile, his expression. He was smiling, even joking along with Jesse, but there was something distant in his eyes. It paralleled the way in which his restless foot tapped against the ground and shoulders tensed. Lizzy had noticed this demeanour more and more over the summer, like a quiet storm gathering beneath a very fragile surface. Carefully, and seemingly casually, Lizzy slipped her hand under his, holding onto him the only way she knew how.

Jesse started telling the group some story, Lottie laughed along at each sentence, and Rudy let go of Lizzy’s hand, not looking her direction. It was subtle, nothing noticable to the others, but a pit formed in Lizzy’s stomach. It was an effort to keep her gaze on Jesse and Lottie, feigining investment in whatever they were talking about. She watched as her friend rested her head on her boyfriend’s shoulder. The ease in which she did so. As Rudy made some playful quip to Jesse, Lizzy laughed as she rested her head against his shoulder, in spite of her doubtful mind.

That’s when Rudy straightened up, prompting Lizzy to do the same and look over at him as he stood up. But his focus was on whatever Jesse had been saying, laughing in way that didn’t sound like him. It was as if Rudy could tell Lizzy was about to say something, because his attention suddenly switched back to her. The look on his face had her at a loss for words; the unnatural smile and hollow tone as he joked. “Rudy, are you…-” She started, but Rudy was walking away the instant he had finished talking.

Then just like that, Rudy was out of sight. Lizzy reluctantly turned back around, to face the unsuspecting couple and the dying fire. She was grateful for the darkness though, because her overwhelming feelings of concern, upset and confusion were hard not to convey in her expression. In that moment, Lizzy felt something shift; Rudy slipping away. And she had no idea how to stop it.

“Everything okay over there??” Lottie’s voice called across, as Jesse stood to work on the fire. It was a lighthearted ask, the kind that wasn’t anticipating whatever honest answer Lizzy could have given. “Y-Yeah, I just-” Her palms pressed against the log, pushing herself up, because, before she could even think about it, she was getting up. “I’m just gonna go over…” Lizzy vaguely said, gesturing in the direction that Rudy had walked away in. Lottie raised her eyebrows, and for a moment Lizzy thought she knew what was going on. Then she wolf-whistled, a wide smile creeping on her face. “Verrrry subtle, Lizzy,” She said, prompting Lizzy to turn her back to them and walk away. “Be careful!!!” Though Lizzy was cold, and crossed her arms as she walked in attempt to recify that, her face flushed red at Lottie’s words, at what they must be thinking was happening.

When out of their sight, Lizzy’s footsteps slowed as she had the time to contemplate what she was doing. Maybe she was incapable of taking a hint, and leaving him when he clearly wanted to be alone, and she needed to let him let her go. But there was something that kept her moving forward, pushed her regardless of her mind telling her otherwise. Fine, she might possibly be wrecking the last of her pride, but he was worth risking that.

“Rudy?” Lizzy said quietly, as found him stood, his back to her and head hung low. Her overthinking mind cleared as she took in the sight of Rudy, a sharp alertness surging through her.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

@astxrism