{ during first class }
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{ I’m not afraid to disappear the billboard said the end is near }
Rudy was leaning back in his chair at that perfect, effortless angle he mastered years ago: one leg stretched out, one arm slung over the backrest, grin so big. The class’s attention was on him, like most of the time… That familiar, familiar warmth. His own voice traveling around, chasing the joke because he didn’t know how not to.
And then Lizzy answered.
Just a few soft words, nothing sharp, nothing accusing but still… something in them hit him. I’m sure you could find someone else more suitable for the job Rudy’s smile faltered first, just barely. Just a twitch in the corner, but enough for him to feel it. His gaze moved off her instantly, landing on the corner of Mrs. Lewis’s desk.
He swallowed, struggled to. ”Need to get to those application forms then," he said, too quietly, too… unlike him. He tried to laugh afterward, to roll back into that easy, chaotic rhythm he lived in but it caught in his chest. Luckily the teacher started speaking and the class’s attention slipped off him one pair of eyes at a time. But Rudy didn’t hear a word.
He sat forward, elbows on the desk, hands laced tight like he needed to hold them still. His knees bounced anyway. The room felt too bright all of a sudden and something inside him pulsed… quick. The joke was fine. He was fine. He was fine. So why did he suddenly feel that feeling again? His fingers twitched to reach for the familiar comfort of his hoodie strings, but he forced his hands flat, still, before anyone noticed. So he kept his eyes down, he didn’t say another word for the rest of the period.
Rudy didn’t meant to linger in the hallway. He packed up slower than usual, hands clumsy with that same buzzing under his skin. He could still feel the faint tremor in his fingers as he adjusted the strap of his backpack, head down, trying to blink away the ringing in his ears.
Then…
“Hey, Rudy!”
He was ready to put on his charming smile again, greet the person trying to get his attention in the same way he greets everyone until he saw who it was and what was happening. Lottie’s face wasn’t angry, just… sharp and aimed directly at him, with Lizzy by her side. Lizzy who looked horrified. “It’s nothing!” she blurted, voice overlapping Lottie’s. “It’s nothing.” Rudy blinked once… Twice. He couldn’t make sense of what either of them were saying, his brain lagged behind. Lizzy was reaching for Lottie’s arm, Lottie was still half turned toward him. Everyone else was moving around them, a blur of backpacks and chatter that felt way too loud. Rudy didn’t trust his voice. If he spoke, it would come out wrong so he just nodded, shallow, automatic and looked away first. And as he walked down the hall, he could feel it. The heat creeping up the back of his neck.
Did he do something? Did he say something? Did he forget something? Why were they calling him like that? Why did Lizzy look scared…at him? Of him?
{ second class }
Rudy simply followed the crowd to his next class and by the time he stepped through the door, something already felt wrong in his own skin.
Just… off. He kept tapping his pen against his desk fast, fast, faster until Peter shot him a look without even turning his head fully and Rudy flashed him a grin that didn’t reach his eyes. ”Sorry, excessive genius leaking out. Can’t control it." Peter huffed a laugh and turned away, but Rudy kept tapping anyway. The room felt too bright again. The words on the board swam a little. Did he have breakfast? Did he even wake up properly? He couldn’t remember the last thing he wrote for this class. His heart was beating too fast for no reason at all. He told himself to breathe, just breathe. That’s when Ms. Greene called his name. “Rudy? Your essay. Please hand it in.”
Rudy blinked… His stomach dropped. The essay. The essay?? He wrote that. Didn’t he? He remembered… sitting down. At the table… Pen… Paper. Or maybe he was thinking of last week? Or something else entirely? He swallowed hard and forced a smile. ”Yeah, yeah, one sec, Ms. G, hold your horses-" “I’ve given you three extensions already,” the teacher said, not unkindly, but firm. “I need the essay today.” Rudy’s chest clenched. He checked his backpack… papers, receipts, gum wrappers, one lonely pencil but no essay. The class was watching and at this moment he did not enjoy all those eyes on him. ”I turned it in," he said, louder than he meant to. His voice bounced too sharply off the walls. ”I put it on your desk." Ms. Greene frowned. “Rudy, you didn’t. I would remem-” ”YES. I DID." It… came out too fast. It exploded out of him. Half the class flinched. A ripple of whispered, “Dude…” “Chill…” “What the hell…” slid through the desks.
Rudy’s pulse hammered. Ms. Greene softened instantly. “Rudy… maybe you’re mixing up dates. Let’s talk after class, alright? I’m not angry.” But that only made Rudy’s chest twist tighter. ”I’m not-" He laughed, but it sounded wrong coming out. ”I’m not mixing anything up. I said I turned it in so I did." He hated how desperate he sounded. Hated even more that he wasn’t sure he believed himself. Ms. Greene stepped closer. “Rudy.” And that did it. Rudy shoved his chair back, metal legs screeching loud. He stood too fast, his vision blurring for a second. ”Can we not do this interrogation thing today?" he snapped, hands raised like he was joking, like everything was a joke. He forced a smile … big, bright. ”Seriously, Ms. G, I love you but not today." She froze. “Rudy—”
”No, really," he said, voice pitching high. ”I…I forgot I have a dentist appointment anyway." “You have… what?” Ms. Greene asked slowly.”Dentist!" He grabbed his bag. His smile looked almost painful. ”Teeth cleaning! Gotta keep these chompers sparkling!" “Rudy, you can’t just-” But he was already halfway to the door.
”I’ll email you the essay!" he lied brightly. Rudy didn’t wait for permission. He didn’t wait for anything. He just pushed through the door abd the hallway air hit him like cold wind and for one second he stopped, hand gripping the strap of his backpack, eyes unfocused.
Then he bolted.
Out the doors.
Down the steps.
Toward the parking lot.