Okay, I’ve wanted to be a nurse since I was in high school (I graduated in 2018). I applied to a university in high school and was surprised to be admitted into the nursing program, for which I had to do prerequisites before beginning the nursing degree, but they accepted me beforehand due to SAT scores and other factors. Yet, because of my parents, I was unable to attend the university. They were planning on moving to a whole different city and were completely unsupportive, and I still kinda resent them for it to this day. Anyway, I became depressed after that because of the whole moving to another city and not being able to achieve what I wanted, so I took a year off because I didn’t know what I wanted to do.
I then looked into more colleges in my area, but all I really found was a fast-paced medical assistant program that I was able to complete in 9 months. For a time, I was content with it, but I knew I wanted to grow. and I guess this is what I dislike about myself because I feel like a failure if I don’t obtain a college degree. So, during COVID, I discovered a nursing-only school, and to be accepted into that program (which was also fast-paced), I only had to take my entrance exam. I will tell you that I failed the first time and cried. I honestly wanted to give up, but I tried again and was accepted my second time. My first semester was great, but by the second semester, my mental health was declining. At the time, I was having trouble balancing my job, family, and long-distance relationship. I began failing my classes, and I gave them up so easily. I dropped out of school and quit my medical assistant job to get a regular part-time job since I didn’t know what I wanted to do at the time anymore.
Time passed, and I honestly hated just making enough money to pay my bills, so I applied for another medical assistant job, which I now am in, and I am the office manager for one of the offices. I enjoy my job, which has motivated me to try again to obtain my nursing degree. I moved in with my boyfriend, so we no longer have to be long distance; I got away from the stress that my family was causing me, which don’t get me wrong, I love them, but it was sometimes too much for me to bear. I’ve started attending a community college, and I need to complete my prerequisites before being admitted into the nursing program. Something that worries me is that I’ve heard it’s quite difficult to get into. My first semester went well; I received A’s and B’s, but in my second semester, which is now going on, I am taking microbiology, which is really difficult. The semester isn’t over yet, but I’ve accepted that I failed this class even though I still have two tests left, but I have a 68 right now. I’m starting to get discouraged again, but I don’t want to quit, and I’m working really hard not to. I just think about the fact that they grade students for admission to the nursing program using a point system discourages me. For instance, A = 3 points, B = 2 points, and C = 1 points. If you have to retake a course, they deduct two points from your total.
I think to myself that maybe this just not for me. Maybe I am not meant to be a nurse? My boyfriend has always been my biggest supporter and always assures me that everything is going to be okay. He tells me that he doesn’t mind taking care of the bills and taking care of me. Also when it came to it, he honestly prefers that I stay at home with our kids, but he supports me in whatever I want to do. And, while not having to work sounds pleasant, I always think, what if he decides to just get up and leave one day? Who will I be?
Does anyone ever feel like this, or am I simply overthinking everything? lol
if I pass my degree, which I hope, I wouldn’t know what to do with it, plus I’m always anxious about my lack of work experience, so yeah who’d be an adult right?