You have a history of not ever wanting kids. I now believe that you still don’t want them.
Is not
It’s a valid one.
If you could turn back time and make it so Jess had your first babies, would you? Or nah- because you never wanted kids that early?
But you don’t even want her
“Always “
Appreciated
at least SOMOEONE wants her
take jess too
”I do, yes, but that doesn’t mean I won’t love my own kid. It doesn’t mean I’d always think that way.”
”Is.”
”I wanted to marry her back then and you think I don’t know what that would mean and what she’d eventually want? Sure, maybe kids weren’t in my plans then but you can’t ask me that. I never wanted her to lose them and as much as I might’ve not been ready for that, I would’ve done anything to make her happy… To make sure it didn’t end the way it did.”
”And who told you that?”
YOU DID
Are you scared she’ll grow up to be like you?
”WHEN?”
”What’s wrong with me?”
I knooooow shh
Jezebel:
He seemed sweet and really nice.
Jezebel:
There’s no reason why I shouldn’t help him, or be friends with him.
Jezebel:
It was cold, and he didn’t have a jacket. I have more at home, and I thought it would help him.
I know… she won’t like it… but I couldn’t not do something when I knew I could.
He’s not
Stop being friends with him
Your mom doesn’t approve
You could 
All you had to do was leave
Jezebel:
But he was nice though, and I’m not going to stop being friends with him because you told me so.
Jezebel:
But I still want to be friends with him, and help him if he needs help.
Jezebel:
No. I didn’t want to. I wasn’t going to just not be nice.
Little Jez
I wonder where Jez would be if she never met jordan @Littlefeets
Jezebel:
Why would I?
Jezebel:
Really?
Jezebel:
What? No, why would he hate me?
Jezebel:
He is nice. I don’t understand why you don’t think so.
I feel like she would’ve internalized a lot more of her feelings and nobody would’ve known much at all of how her relationship is with her mother. Definitely would’ve been soooooo much worse on her self esteem, and she wouldn’t understand love, or that having someone care about her shouldn’t mean being treated badly…
A lot of depression she’d try to hide behind attempted perfection, followed by a lot of toxic (probably abusive) relationships as she’d get older…
I feel like if she didn’t have Jordan to show her how to love… she kinda would have been like laurel in a weird way. Like one of those girls who’s an angel at home but becomes worse when their parents aren’t watching?
Or maybe I’m missing the mark
Yeah I can kinda get that. And I see it either going that way, or the opposite. Seemingly perfect away from home, while home is a mess, because her attempts at perfection would never be enough.