“Valerie Wood. God… I wrote this speech a hundred times. And honestly, I could never find the right words. The right way to say this. Because you deserve more than perfection. You deserve the world. I don’t know if I can give you that, but I can promise I will spend the rest of my life trying. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you laugh, to make you smile, to make you happy. So god… please Valerie…. Will you marry me?”
“Yes… and Dan?”
“Yes, my love?”
”I’m pregnant”
And in that moment, Valerie realised she was indeed the luckiest woman alive. Never in her wildest dreams she even imagined the possibility of finding such happiness. But ever since she found Daniel, she knew that happiness, and love, they all existed. And she had them in the palm of her hand, as simple and natural as leaves falling from trees ans waves crashing against the shore. Just like that, in one man, she found it all.
”I fcking love you so much” she whispered as her arms were wrapped around him, the love of her life, the father of her yet unborn child, her fiance, as her mind went back to that moment, quite a long while ago, when she told herself that this is the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. And as far as the plan is going, seems like it just might be in the cards for them.
But where were they now? Well, turns out it might not be in the cards after all. Because right now at this point in her life, Valerie has hit rock bottom. She was pregnant yet again with their third child, which was nice and all, until it turned out her 18 year old daughter was pregnant as well. A twist that didn’t end well, especially not for Valerie and Daniel.
You see, after this whole thing exploded, Daniel left. As she knew him well enough to know he wasn’t planning on coming back by his own will, which could potentially just mean never. There were many things Valerie could lose and handle, but losing Daniel just wasn’t one of those things. And as much as she tried staying strong for her kids, she just couldn’t, she barely slept, she looked at food and just didn’t find it appealing, she just sunk into a depression nobody seemed to manage to shake her out of. Not her family, and not her closest friends.
She had a hole in her heart, a deep heavy pain that didn’t stop, unbearable pain because as much as things were sunshine and rainbows once, ever since the day they got together, Valerie rued the day he’d realise she was never good enough, and just walk away. It didn’t even matter if it was in fact the reason he left or not, she just felt it, the pain of knowing the one man she loved more than anyone, walked away from her, let alone their children. And he did it willingly.
Nothing hurt more than that.
But at some point, well, pain just becomes a regular thing, and all that’s left is numbness. A void. Trying to hold on, trying to come to terms with the idea of him never coming back, slipping right back into her old habits and trying to fill the hole that was left inside with the only way she always knew how to fill voids, lots of alcohol and meaningless sex. But let alone the fact that this one mistake would lead to divorce papers, it also led her straight to the hospital, because if you may have forgot, she was still pregnant after all, and her body couldn’t handle it all.
She collapsed, crashed and fell apart, and frankly, it wasn’t even certain to the doctors at start that she and the babies would both make it through.
”I know you probably cant even hear this, and don’t want to… but I miss you-” she spoke quietly to her phone that led her straight to voicemail, her voice cracking as she started to cry in between her words ”I just- I’m scared, and I really need you here, I need you to hold my hand and tell me it’s going to be okay, because I’m not sure it will… and I just- Please come back…”
She tried, so many times, he didn’t call, or show up, like expected. The moment he’d walk past the door will probably forever remain a shred of a small hole that somehow stuck to her heart.
But perhaps it helped, because if we’re being honest here, it was terrifying. She barely remembered what her life without Daniel was like, and honestly even if she did remember, it was nothing close to a happy life. And now she was there, stuck in a hospital bed connected to every possible machine in order to get herself back on track so she doesn’t lose the babies who’s father doesn’t even know about. The ones she might have to raise on her own.
”I love you…”
@benitz786 Daniel