Why? - 2032
Silent tears ran down Jess’s eyes as she lay in the darkness. It was the same every year - gut-wrenching pain as her mind went back to what happened when she was 21. Correction: As her mind pushed her to relive losing her and Dori’s kids over and over and over again. Flashes of her screaming, of her… withering in an empty crib meant for her twins met her mind and all Jess could do was cry. Last year was different, it was… the first year that Dorian had seen her like that. It was the first year he had comforted her since learning about what happened and helped her eat for little Shay who was growing inside her… which was a change from the norm since usually Jess couldn’t eat anything on that… day.
“I brought water,”
Jess felt her body move as he lifted her head and held her against him, however, Jess made no inclination to grab the water from his hand. “It’s 2:23… I lost them at 2:33…I…I lost them,” . She still remembered it like it was yesterday… waking up with the pain… her head moving to the time as it flashed 2:33 AM and she just knew. Jess felt her fiance’s arms wrap around her tighter, and a kiss meet her forehead as she cried herself to sleep.
“Mmaama?”
“No no potato, we can’t bother mommy right now okay? She’s sleeping.”
“Whhyyy?”
Jess felt her eyes open overhearing voices near the outside of her bedroom door. Suffice to say, she had barely gotten any sleep - waking up every few hours to cry some more as Dorian held her shaking body until she fell asleep again.
“Wellllll, mommy didn’t sleep as well as you slept baby,”
“Why?”
Despite everything, the smallest of smiles met Jess’ lips hearing her daughter - especially since in the handful of words she had learned, “Why” had been one of her favorites. Maybe it was because that word kept both Jess and Dorian engaging to answer the question, but either way, the little girl would now go up to everyone and ask Why. Let’s just say, it definitely kept the conversations going on for hours - especially when Andy has the little one in his grasps because that nug could talk.
“Sometimes, when you’re reallllly sad, you can’t sleep. You remember how you were crying because your tummy hurt? It’s like that and sooooo we can’t bother mommy right now.”
“Whhhyyyy?”
“Weellll what happens when you don’t sleep? You get tired annnnnnnd CRANKKKY. You don’t wanna wake up a mom monster do you?”
“WHhhhhhhyy?”
After a few seconds, Jess pulled herself out of bed after small struggle and opened the door. Before her, Dori was sitting on the floor with th little 11 month old munchkin in his hands, who seemed to be trying to wiggle towards the door for the last few minutes. The second Shay caught sight of Jess, a squeel left her lips as she screamed “Mammmmmaa?”
Taking a seat next to Dori, Jess wrapped her arms around her daughter, smothering the little girl in kisses. “What are you up to rascal,” Laughter left her daughter’s lips as she tickled the little girl. A smile met her own lips as she felt Dori’s arms around her, his lips meeting her cheek as he leaned in to whisper “You should go back to sleep,”
She should - but maybe she needed this. It was a good distraction - playing with her daughter. “Mmm tum… sad,” Jess looked as Shay touched her belly. Standing up, Jess picked her daughter up with her and walked towards the kitchen. Grabbing applesauce, Jess sat Shay down in her high chair. However, when Jess tried to feed her, Shay frowned and moved her face away. “Nooo daddaa”
With a tired smile, Jess handed the applesauce to Dorian who was standing nearby, and moved aside. Looking away, Jess closed her eyes - feeling the memories resurfacing, only to be brought out of her trance by her daughter once again. “NOOOOOo nooo”
Jess turned around, watching her daughter push the spoon away. “Come onnn potato. Do you want something else?” Jess watched as Shay pointed back towards her, a big frown on Shay’s face - clearly upset that Dori and Jess weren’t understanding something. “Mamamma”
With a sense of confusion, Jess moved back to the high chair, trying to grab the spoon but clearly shay wasn’t having that either. “Nnoooooo NOOOOo” Shay muttered frantically. Moving her hand, Shay touched the applesauce and pointed at her mom saying “Dadada”
Maybe it was the sleep deprivation, but let’s just say Jess was a little confused. Dorian on the other hand, looked like he at least had an idea. Picking up the spoon again, instead of moving towards Shay, Dorian brought it to Jess’ lips. “Is this better Shay?”
A laugh left Shay’s lips as Jess hesitantly ate the applesauce - ironically the first thing she had eaten since yesterday. “meeeemeee”
Dorian seemed to smile as he brought a spoon of apple sauce to Shay and then after she ate it, he gave a spoon to Jess - which seemed like the only way Shay was going to eat her food.
Shay spent the next few minutes finishing her food with her mom before running towards the fridge once she was let down so she could make her mom eat more food - which started with her grabbing whatever out of the fridge and handing it to her mom.
During this, Jess simply sat on the floor of the kitchen and smiled softly at Dorian who had Shay in his arms as he pointed to something in the fridge waiting for her to nod her head or not before handing it to Jess.
“Ma…mama happy? No…no tired?”
“Yes darling, I’m happy,” Jess whispered, kissing her daughter again as she leaned her head against Dori’s - sharing a look with him before playing with her daughter again.