~OPERATION MUM IS MINE (SORRY, NOT SORRY, GRAYSON)~
Hello, it’s me again—Ethan, the smarter, funnier, and clearly better twin. Today’s mission? Operation Mum Is Mine. You see, while Grayson stayed home with Dad for some boring “talking lessons,” I got Mum all to myself. No Grayson. No Shay or Zoe (they were at school). No Aiden either (also school, HA). Loserssssssss. Just me and Mum, out in the world, living our best lives. And let me tell you, it was glorious.
Phase 1: The Morning Win
The day started with Mum swooping in and picking me up first. Not Grayson. Me. She kissed my cheek, fixed my hair, and whispered,
“Ready for an adventure, love?”
Was I ready? Mum, I was born ready. I gave Grayson a smug look over her shoulder as we left the room. Sorry, mate. This is my day. Ha. They (Ethan and Grayson) BOTH knew mom was better when sneaking them bad snacks. Dad? Noooooot so much. Did you know he tried to feed shay oat milk when she was a baby because it was healthier? Ew. EW. wow - glad he learned but still. HEALLLLLTHHHHH Nut that one.
Phase 2: The Car Ride Chronicles
After breakfast, Mum buckled me into my car seat and started the engine. Car rides are amazing. Wind in my hair, music in the background, and the occasional vroom vroom. I babbled the whole way, sharing all my brilliant ideas.
“Baaa dee daa maaam baaa bbgg!” Translation: “Mum, I’m so much cooler than Grayson. Also, let’s stop for snacks immediately.”
“Oh, are you now? Snacks it is, then,” she said, grinning at me in the mirror.
This is why Mum is the best. SHE JUST GOT IT.
Phase 3: The Café Incident
Our first stop was a café. Mum got a big, steamy cup of something fancy which didn’t smell the best but whatever, to each their own. I, on the other hand, got the good stuff—milk. MMMMM CREAMY, DELICIOUS MILK. As I sipped, Mum pointed to a bird hopping around outside.
“Ethan, can you say ‘bird’?”
I gave her my best “Are you serious?” look. Then, because I’m hilarious, I shouted,
“Fck!”
Mum laughed so hard she nearly spilled her drink. A few people at the café turned to stare, their eyes wide. Mum didn’t even blink.
“Well, at least you’re consistent, love,” she said with a smirk, wiping my face. Legend.
Phase 4: Zoo Adventures
Next stop: the zoo. Mum pushed me in my stroller and showed me all sorts of weird animals. Tall ones, loud ones, fluffy ones—this place had everything. Mum pointed to a long-necked thing she called a giraffe.
“Can you say ‘giraffe,’ Ethan?”
I sighed dramatically, rolling my eyes (basically - I don’t know if it actually rolled but I tried). Words are overrated. Instead, I stuck with my classic.
“Fck!”
Mum chuckled and shook her head.
“Brilliant as ever, aren’t you?” she said. Obviously, Mum. Obviously.
Phase 5: Ice Cream & Secrets
After the zoo, we had a picnic in the park. Mum pulled out a magical treat called ice cream. Cold, sweet, and absolutely life-changing. Did you know ice cream was just COLD MILK? It’s crazy. I feelsohypernow but it’s GREAT. I clapped my hands and babbled,
[color=#75c7af “Mmmmmmm!” [/color] Translation: “More, please. And also, you’re the best.”
Mum smiled and kissed my cheek.
“You’re my little foodie, aren’t you?”
Phase 6: The Great Dada Incident
By the time we got home, I was feeling on top of the world. Grayson, meanwhile, was sitting on Dad’s lap, surrounded by books and toys. He looked exhausted. Dad looked worse, like he’d run a marathon. Mum walked in, raising an eyebrow.
“What’s all this racket about, then?”
She knelt down in front of Grayson with her soft smile.
“Grayson, love, can you say ‘Mama’?”
Dad held his breath. Mum looked hopeful. The room went silent. Grayson grinned, leaned forward, and said…
“Dada!”
The look on Mum’s face? Priceless. She turned to Dad with a sharp glare.
“Dori, did you teach our son how to say ‘Dada’ all day? That’s bloody cheating. You do not get a favor out of this… noooooo sir.”
Dad raised his hands in mock innocence.
“I didn’t do anything! He just—”
Mum cut him off with a laugh, scooping Grayson into her arms.
“Oh, you’re such a cheeky boy, aren’t you? You’ve made your father’s day, haven’t you?”
Meanwhile, I was sitting on the floor, absolutely losing it. Grayson? Calling Mum Dada? That was the lamest thing I’d ever heard. I clapped my hands and shouted,
“Fck!” which totally meant, “You’re such a rookie, Grayson.”
Mum gave me a look, half-amused and half-exasperated.
“Ethan, love… you’re trouble. But at least you’re consistent.”
“Fck!”
Dad groaned, rubbing his temples.
“Great. Now both of them are saying it.”
Mission Complete
And that’s how I nailed Operation Mum Is Mine. While Grayson spent his day learning boring words, I was out conquering the world, one ice cream cone and swear word at a time. Sorry, Gray. Better luck next time.