[color="lightsteelblue”]Dorian DeLoughrey[/color]
{ Set of thoughts }
{ 1 | Meeting Amelia and Phoebe, 2021 }
Nervous - one word that could completely describe how Dorian was feeling on his way to see his sister and nieces, when he was there and while he was holding them. Ah, holding babies… Is it weird that Dorian has never held babies before? Never really played with babies or just… been close to them? So besides the obvious happiness he was feeling and this new responsibility, he was freaking out. One of the first things that crossed his mind was, [color="lightsteelblue”]how would I know which one is Phoebe and which one is Amelia?[/color] They are the same. Identical. But… aren’t all the babies the same? I swear they all do look the same. There was also a moment when he got a little bit scared for Elodie and Riker - what if they mix them up? Okay… that’d be funny, it’s not something he wouldn’t mind seeing but… How do parents do that? How do they know their little twins? A thought that in that moment made him wish he’d never have to go through that - having identical twins.
But actually seeing them, holding them… all those funny thoughts he had and worry he felt quickly disappeared, replaced with happiness and calmness. You’re so tiny, a smile on his face looking down at a sleepy girl… Phoebe? No… Who did Elodie say that was?
{ 2 | a night that changed everything for good, 2030 }
How should one feel about ending up in bed with an ex? Depends on way too many things, right? Maybe it would be easier to answer this: How should one feel about ending up in bed, a little bit tipsy, with an ex they never completely got over and still had a little hope of things working out in the end after letting everything that was on their mind for so many years out in the open? Great, huh? Amazing. That’s what Dorian would’ve told you if he wasn’t so lost in his thoughts. Or he would’ve told you it was scary because, well, he was scared. Scared of messing it up again. Scared of letting her do what she wanted and possibly simply letting her go again without fighting. That was mostly on his mind as he was there next to her, his arms wrapped around her. A mix of fear and bliss. Endless thoughts of it ending bad, being hurt all over again but also endless thoughts… a decision to make it work. Her explanation repeating in his head. His own words and this big secret he was holding all to himself… A big mess.
But her every little movement would bring him back to reality. Reality in which he was holding her again in a way he hasn’t for a long time, thinking [color="lightsteelblue”]this is all I really want.[/color] Thinking I’m not letting you be stupid again and do what you think is best for me, because this time it was finally his turn to act and fight.
{ 3 | first doctor’s visit, 2030 }
[color="lightsteelblue”]How can she tell anything by looking at a… blob on the screen?[/color] Did Dorian just refer to his baby as a blob on the screen. Yes, but was he wrong? Not in calling her that but figuring out how this whole ultrasound thing works? No… The doctor was still setting up everything but he was confused and super, super nervous so don’t judge. Tightly holding Jess’s hand he carefully listened to everything her doctor was saying since this was the first time they were there… Checking if everything was alright. And this was a rare time when he was completely silent. His heart skipping a beat hearing the doctor saying they are all ready. It’s fine. Everything is perfectly fine. He tried to convince himself but he didn’t need to because they soon found out that everything, in fact, was perfectly fine.
That was the moment when he fully understood what was happening. Holly sht, we’re having a baby… We ARE having a baby. But once again he only stayed silent not knowing how to react to it - he just looked up at Jess, bringing her hand he was so tightly holding to his lips.
{ 4 | Decorating the nursery, 2030 }
[color="lightsteelblue”]She looks so funny with a belly. Would she kill me if I said that? Yes?[/color] Sitting on the ground, Dorian was watching Jessica putting some things to the side after they finished painting one wall of their baby’s nursery. It’s not that it was funny… she’s just a tiny girl and he was still getting used to it - this new life, having her with him every day again… Her being pregnant. [color="lightsteelblue”]How much bigger would it get? How… how can women deal with that?[/color] His eyes glued to her, he was lost in his thoughts, very important questions going through his mind. How… no. No. Not thinking about that now.
Shaking those thoughts, there would always be a smile on his lips knowing how much things were gonna change, sitting in that room making it more real. Little girl. And his smile only growing the moment he’d meet Jessica’s eyes again as she turned to show him,
{ 5 | Holding Shay for the first time, 2031 }
There was an euphoric feeling throughout the whole birth - from coming to the hospital alone to Shay being born and seeing her for the first time, but it couldn’t compare to the moment he held his little girl for the first time. [color="lightsteelblue”]A little wrapped up potato,[/color] he thought right before taking her into his arms. Just a moment before he completely fell in love with her - couple of minutes of silence as he looked down at her little face, holding her so tightly against him. There were quiet [color="lightsteelblue”]”hi”[/color]s here and there but what was he thinking about? That was hard to tell, even he didn’t know… a million of different things - from imagination taking her home to [color="lightsteelblue”]look at your little nose and lips aaand cheeks, you’re so perfect[/color] and I love you. A lot of I love yous that quickly turned into whispers, placing the softest kisses on top of her little head.