Malachi Azure
“I wanted one thing in my life, Jess. One thing. I wanted to be a good father, better than what I had.” If there was one thing Kai was willing to put everything else that he wanted most aside, it was to be a father. It was why he said no to Jess when he should have left with her, a time he could’ve been happier, when everything could’ve been different. He could look back and think about how he should’ve left Listaria, left his wife when he had the chance but didn’t because of that need to be there for his kids. He didn’t want to be like his father, treating his children like they didn’t matter, like they didn’t deserve to be a highlight of his life, like they were an obligation or regret that was only dealt with because that’s just the way things were. Kai was never good enough for his dad, he could never fit the mold of what his father wanted, at least not to a level where he could be treated as an individual. All his life he was only ever treated as a pawn. A pawn to the king of Blue Royalty, a pawn to the soon-to-be queen of Listaria, even to his own twin he was a pawn in her own twisted game with Anna Pierce. Kai wanted more than that for his own kids. He wanted them to have everything they deserved, and at the very least to know they had a father who wanted the best for them, that loved them and would support them in whatever paths they chose to take in their lives. Their lives would be in their own hands, and he would care about them every step of the way. This time, he just didn’t even have the chance. The choice was made for him. “Everything I’ve done has been because I thought it was what I had to do. I keep f^^king up, but I’ve never stopped trying to get things right. Especially for my kids.” Kai stopped for just a moment, looking at Jess. It was at that point the anger began to dissipate, though frustration remained with a seriousness. His guilt, over everything he did that hurt her, that hurt everyone he cared about, and the pain, pain from hating himself, from all of the heartache and trauma, both became increasingly clear in his tone.
“I failed Zach… I was never good enough for what he deserved, and the best thing I could do was step back for him to have everything he needed. But I still look after him from a distance, I want the best for him and think about him all the time. Our kid… my son…” Kai paused, just for a second, taking an extra breath with the thoughts about the kid he and Jess would’ve had, as well as the son he had with his wife, that didn’t survive past birth, though he knew Jess wouldn’t have known about that. “every day I think about them… and that little girl out there, she’s my everything. I’m doing everything, for her. I came here, for her. ” In Kai’s mind, he was at a point where if he could be a good father for Scarlet, raise her right, then there could be one thing he could say he actually did right in his life. For once he could do his best, and it would be good enough. “I’m a failure, a coward, and a lost f^^king cause, but I’m always trying… and I never got to even try to be anything for… two nineteen-year-old daughters that I didn’t even know I had…” Perhaps that was what hurt the most about the situation. Even if he never got to be in their lives, it was in a way worse to realize how he didn’t even know they existed, when he always had the others on his mind.