How the hell does anyone do this? There’s no guidebook on “telling your wife you remember her after treating her like… absolute sh!t for the past few months because you lost your memory”. All Jordan knew was that he… messed up. He messed up with the person who meant… everything to him. His wife… the love of his life. He… did that… to her. So could he blame her for reacting the way she did? For flinching away from his touch with how he treated her? No… no he couldn’t… that didn’t mean it didn’t kill him inside to see it. All he wanted to do was… wrap his arms around her and tell her that he was there. That he was hers, and that he knew what she was going through… because he was going through it too - their children being… so small.
Though, Jezebel was going through it a second time - after all, Laurel had a similar predicament years earlier. Honestly, going through it himself… he didn’t know how she did it. The only reason he kept a brave face right now was that he had to… he had to for his kids… he had to for her. So instead of pushing… he just said nothing, watching as his wife held their daughters in her hands. He was mesmerized by the scene… her holding their kids. If only things hadn’t been as they were… if things were simply… different. If he hadn’t lost… his memory… if they weren’t here weeks early… if their son was there.
Whatever worry Jordan felt, he knew Jez felt it 10 times over - after all, she hadn’t been the one bombarding the nurses with questions about their son for the past few hours. She wasn’t the one sitting with him… she wasn’t… “He’s… still in critical condition right now, but that’s all I can say, I’m afraid since they’re checking him right now. The doctor will be in soon with more news. Once you’re feeling a little better, we can bring you up to see him but I’m afraid he’s not strong enough to be brought to you… but for now, I’ll leave you both to your girls. We’ll come back and check on them in a little bit. Would you like us to send in one of the other nurses to teach you how to feed?”
This was all… basically information that Jordan had been getting for the past few hours. They’ll know more soon. It was always that… soon. Not now… but soon. With that, the nurse swiftly left leaving Jordan alone with his wife who was still holding their girls. “I… saw him. That’s where I’ve been… going to go see our girls… and our son in the NICU… and… here of course… he’s… he’s small… but I’m sure he’s a fighter just like his mom,” Jordan whispered, looking at his wife before moving his eyes down to his daughters. “I told you that your mom would be up soon and she’d want to be the first to hold you,” Jordan whispered, walking to her side and letting his hand gently caress their heads, touching his daughters for the first time since they were born. “You have your mom’s nose… and eyes… and little crinkle when you smile don’t you.” he continued, looking at them properly for the first time… he loved them. He already knew he loved them… those two little girls had his entire heart, just like the rest of his kids did.
For a few seconds, that’s all he did. He looked at his daughters who cooed to their mom… and then, he finally looked at his wife again. Taking a deep breath, Jordan got on his knees to be on her eye level, and simply looked at her.
“I know… nothing I can say will excuse the way… I treated you Jez. Nothing I say can… or will ever. But… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything… I’m sorry for what I did, I’m sorry for how I did it, and I’m sorry that I ever forgot how much you mean to me. Well… I didn’t exactly forget it… my stupid mind just pushed it away because I couldn’t… believe it with everything else that happened to us. It doesn’t matter… I didn’t… even give you a chance because I was stuck in my own stupid head… and I was trying to distract myself from how much I loved you by convincing myself that wasn’t who I was. I don’t know if you can ever forgive me, and I won’t blame you if you can’t - but I love you. I love you, and I remember you and us… and I never want to forget because you, Tink, mean everything to me. You are my everything. They… are my everything.” With that, Jordan moved to gently put his hands on hers… though stopped himself last minute recalling how she reacted the first time. He didn’t want to… push her… not now. So with that, he stood up, moving his hand to wipe the tears that had slowly formed on his face. “They are beautiful and adorable, just like you Tink… and so is our son.”