There were so many times over the past few weeks that Jordan had broken his vows to his wife. It seemed like he kept doing that… disappointing those who mattered most to him. He had once vowed he’d never hurt Sadie and… clearly everyone knew how that went. Now, he did it again - and it killed him. It killed him that he hurt Jezebel… and Annie… and Sadie… and everyone in his life. It seemed Jordan Williams was more like his father than he ever wanted to admit - but look where he was. Look at what he had done. He was truly no better than the man who raised him, and part of him wished he could go back in time before he had ever met Jezebel and just… taken himself out of her life because honestly, he felt like it would have been better without him.
With her statement of wanting to be alone… he understood. If their roles were reversed - he’d want the same thing. Honestly, maybe he would want nothing to do with him ever again. He simply stood there as Jez said her words - and he agreed with all of it. He would have said sorry again, but he knew his words meant nothing to her right now. A sorry without action meant nothing and right now when Jez was learning her son was in the NICU, it really meant nothing.
He thought he knew himself too… he thought he would never hurt Jezebel. Though, forgetting her… he was… confused. A person placed in the wrong time… a person angry for no reason and not wanting to hear reason because his life was falling apart. And part of Jordan… that Jordan knew Jez was one of the only people who would understand him and… well Jordan wanted to punish himself… and ended up hurting her too in the process. So, instead of saying something that would simply confuse her more, he said nothing. That was, of course, until he heard her say his daughter’s name.
“Annie…” Jordan whispered, his eyes tearing up more as he saw his daughter. There was no hesitation as he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead and whispering “I love you…” . He had sent a message to her while Jezebel was out… letting her and everyone who needed to know that he remembered. Though after a few seconds, he let go. Though, he didn’t let Jez’s comment about probably wanting to see him stop him. “We’ll talk later sweetie… can you just… be with them? Take care of them?” He whispered, low enough that Jez wouldn’t be able to hear him. If he couldn’t be there… he wanted her to be. Someone to be…
And with that, he kissed her forehead again and walked outside. He kept walking until he was outside of the hospital, and with that, he took a seat on the pavement… closing his eyes as he remembered… everything wrong he had done. And there was… so much. So much that he couldn’t even begin to apologize for.
It had been hours since he left his wife… if she was still his wife. At this point, he wouldn’t be surprised if she wanted to go with his idiotic… past self’s choice to send her divorce papers. He was in the waiting room - not willing to leave the hospital until he knew Jez was okay… and his babies were okay. Annie had left a few hours before after visiting hours had ended and the two sat together for a little while before he told her to go home and that they’d talk in the morning.
“Mr. Williams?”
Jordan looked up from his seat, watching as the doctor approached him. “I’m the doctor who’s on your son’s care team. We have him on a ventilator right now and we’ve been watching his vitals but… I think I need to tell you that he likely won’t survive the night. His vitals have been dropping for the past few hours and we suspect he won’t last until the morning. I notified your wife before coming here. And, if you want to sit with him, this would be the time.”
“There… there’s no chance… are you… there’s… he won’t survive?”
Jordan felt tears fill his eyes once more, and he found the doctor sitting next to him.
“There’s a small chance. If he survives the night, we think he’ll be okay but at this rate, it’s not likely.”
“Can… can I see my wife? I… I know visiting hours are…”
“Yes…yes of course. You two can sit outside the NICU as well, we have a glass panel where you can see him.”
And… well that’s exactly what he did. After the doctor left, Jordan walked back toward his wife - and heard sobs coming from the room. He found a nurse coming towards him with a wheelchair, who only gave him a pitiful smile before handing it to him before muttering something about it being for his wife.
“Ti…tink” Jordan whispered, bringing a wheelchair inside. “Do… you want to go see him with me? Or… I can… help you get there and leave if… if you want.”