So… a while ago I thought that to be a feminist you should advocate for equal rights for men and women. But I’d get angry at “not all men” because… I’m afraid of all men. If I don’t know you, and I’m alone and you’re near me and you’re a man, I’m automatically afraid of you. That’s just how it works. And I’d kind of have to explain this and pander to men because of this…
But I saw someone recently who interested me who was a misandrist (or at least claimed to be).
At first, I hated it. But then I think I saw what she was doing. I could be very wrong about this and if so, feel free to point that out if you’re more familiar with her because this is the first time I’ve seen this woman.
So basically she does blame all problems on men, but at the same time, I’ve seen her around men and duet men and support them. Well, a few at least. It’s clear that she doesn’t hate literally all men, but she says that specifically to the misogynists and the girls that are in abusive relationships and need the confidence to get out. If you have a supportive, non-toxic man in your life- these kinds of things wouldn’t need to be said, but when you do- these things do. She highlights women and focuses on those problems specifically by using her platform, but also supports other things such as blacklivesmatter.
Her content isn’t for the men that support women, her anti-men content is for the men that don’t. And for the girls that have been affected by this, that need validation.
Misandry is basically the opposite of misogyny, and honestly not something I would personally get behind. Many misandrists often end up becoming radical feminists and Terfs, as that kind of mindset borders on those territories.
Misandry is a negative term, simply defined as a prejudice or hatred towards men, but it encompasses a huge number of things:
Oversexualising and objectifying male bodies
Excluding people perceived as men by society (pre-transition trans feminine people (enbies and trans women) as well as many poc in whitewashed and racist communities)
Violence and mockery of men
Homophobia/transphobia against men and transmasculine ppl
This is the one that gets me mad: Believing that men cannot experience ‘women’s struggles’ (This includes everything from pregnancy to periods to r*pe)
(This is not an extensive list)
I am all for equality, just not misandry. I believe men should be held accountable, but not have the tables turned on them, simply because a lot of the time when people do this it’s the vulnerable men (poc, lgbtq+, disabled, ect.) who often end up taking the brunt of it.
On that note, jokes like “I hate men” “K!ll all men” “F-ck men” ect. are not misandry (as long as they are only used as satire and not brought up in places where they aren’t welcome (like in a gay and/or trans man’s comment section when they are talking about their love for men))
If that makes sense lol
I think I agree as well. I do think those TikTok’s were interesting and seemed to be more like a joke, but if I actually saw that IRL I’d be very put off.
I don’t think that using social cues to assess your safety in any given situation is the same as misandry. “Not all men” angers me, too, and I most definitely believe that men have some serious gender-based challenges that they face and that we need to eradicate. I hate it because, like “all lives matter”, it’s being used to talk over a legitimate issue.
Sure, not all men are like that. Sure, all lives matter. However, the issue right now is on sexual harassment and black people being killed by the police respectively. I’ve said this before, but if you were talking to the emergency services operator in your country because your house was on fire and they replied “all houses matter, you know? Stop being so selfish and focussing on your house! What about your neighbour’s house?” You’d be p***ed. The problem isn’t that all houses don’t matter. It’s that it’s only your house that’s on fire on that street at that moment and so it’s the one that needs the special attention right now.
I am still very aware that men have issues that they need to solve. They still don’t have the same rights to their children as women do. They are still taught to be “strong” and not show “weak” emotions, which is continuing to damage their mental health. Men are still killed at work more than women. They still have higher suicide rates. It is exponentially harder for men to make meaningful connections with other human beings (both romantically and platonically). There is plenty that we need to fix for men.
Some of it will be evened out by feminist policies – such as the ones about parental rights and workplace death rates. If society stops seeing women as the primary caregivers and the “weaker sex”, then it will be much harder for women to be favoured in custody courts and women would not be as discouraged from doing the more dangerous jobs out there. Then there are other things that we need to take care of by focussing on men and their unique struggles. I fully get behind that.
However, I sincerely don’t think fearing your life or your bodily safety when with a strange man makes you sexist in any way. One of the symptoms of our sick society is still that more men feel entitled to women’s bodies and more men are encouraged to seek violence as a solution to their problems. Yes, it’s not all men. However, it is a realistic symptom of our society right now and pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t make you a saint. It gets you in trouble as a woman.
