Honest Opionion (Scene)

Writing Desk Archive
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Anna: Jamie is a girl! Get over it!
Carl: HE is a boy!
Anna: No! She’s a girl.
Jamie starts trembling and falls backwards into Anna’s arms and into a chair
Anna: Jamie…?
Jamie: I-I’m cold.
Anna sees blood going down Jamie’s arm (Blood not shown) and calls 911
At The Hospital
Anna: I’m so glad you’re alright.
Jamie: You’re the best, Anna.

  • Jamie is the MC. Male-to-female transgender person
  • Anna is her cousin
  • Carl is Jamie’s dad
  • Jamie cut herself
  • Carl has been very mean ever since Jamie came out
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@Writers

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Good dialogue but I think you need to add in more of an understanding of surroundings in the scene. Like How did Jamie get hurt? Did Carl do something to Jamie? Who are these characters in the story?

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How do I add all that @WolfGamerGirl37 ?

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Ah okay, so is this for a regular story or episode story?

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Episode

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So, Ink or Limelight? I can help you figure out good animations for them. Is that what you need help with?

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Limelight and yeah, kinda

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:slight_smile: Thanks

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Okay, for certain parts you will have to use a narrator box like for instance for the injury on the arm. You can use the faint animation for when Jamie actually collapses but you will need to put that in a narrator box along with the animation.

ANNA (talk_angry)
Jamie is a girl! Get over it!

CARL (talk_accuse_angry)
HE is a boy!

ANNA (talk_asif_angry)
No! She’s a girl!

@JAMIE is faint

Narrator
Jamie starts trembling and falls backward into Anna’s arms and into a chair.

ANNA (talk_startled_neutral)
Jamie…?

JAMIE (idle_lay_exhausted_loop)
I-I’m cold.

@ANNA is react_shocked_gasp

NARRATOR
Anna sees blood going down Jaime’s arm and calls 911.

@ANNA is talk_phone_sad_loop

Use a blanket overlay to make look like Jamie is laying down.

ANNA (talk_sit_shrug_neutral) or (talk_sit_reasure_happy)
I’m so glad you’re alright.

JAMIE (talk_sit_leanback_neutral)
You’re the best, Anna.

I’m not sure what positions you wanted or directions the characters are facing but try this dialogue out to see what you think.

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You’re welcome!

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Closed due to inactivity :two_hearts: