At first, Lyra flinched when Aurora’s hand touched her arm. She was still wound up, her body trembling with tension. But Aurora’s steady, warm presence cut through the storm of emotions swirling inside her. As she lifted her head, her eyes met Aurora’s, and something in the kindness there made her chest tighten in a different way.
Lyra felt a pang of vulnerability, like a crack had opened in the wall she’d been trying to keep up. She wanted to fall apart, to let the tears flow and admit how terrified she was, but Aurora’s calm voice, her gentle touch, made her feel seen - understood, even if only for a moment.
Her breath hitched, the weight of it all suddenly unbearable, but she managed to hold Aurora’s gaze, even if her voice shook. “It’s not just Kiki…” she whispered, her words laced with more fear than explanation. The tears brimmed again, but this time, they weren’t just from guilt - they were from the sudden, crushing realization of how deeply this reminded her of Lysander.
Her lip quivered as she tried to speak again, but all that came out was a shaky exhale. It was like being on the edge of a cliff, uncertain whether she could hold on or if she’d fall apart entirely.
Lyra’s eyes flickered as Aurora squeezed her shoulder, grounding her slightly, but Aurora’s promise - we’ll figure this out - echoed in her mind. Could they really fix this? Lyra wanted to believe it, wanted to cling to that hope. But how could anyone fix it when her magic had gone so horribly wrong?
She swallowed hard, blinking through her tears as the question who is Kiki pulled her back to the present. For a split second, her chest tightened again. She hadn’t realised Aurora didn’t know who Kiki was, and now, the words seemed so small, so foolish. She could feel the weight of everything she had done crashing down again, but now it was tangled with the fear that Aurora might think she was overreacting
“It’s… it’s Desdemona’s lizard,” she finally muttered, her voice barely audible. “Kiki… she had escaped, and I-I tried to stop her…” The lump in her throat grew, and a fresh wave of tears welled up. Lyra shook her head, her fingers curling into fists at her sides. Her voice unsteady as she continued speaking, "My magic… it made everything worse. The bookshelf fell, and Kiki… she…” Her voice cracked, and she trailed off, unable to bring herself to say it again.
She took a shaky breath, her anxiety creeping in deeper. “A lot of people saw it. They saw the bookshelf fall… what if they think I’m some freak who can’t control her magic? What if they think I… I killed her on purpose?” Her voice hitched again, more tears slipping down her cheeks. “ Or what if they think I’m incapable of magic now?”*
Lyra’s voice wavered as she added, almost in a whisper, “You probably think I’m being ridiculous, worrying about this like it’s the end of the world. But I hurt her. I hurt something that didn’t deserve it…” Lyra trailed off, her thoughts drifting back to Lysander. Her brother had warned her about moments like this - when magic went wrong, it didn’t just hurt the caster. It hurt everyone around them.
There was nothing but silence for a few seconds before she continued, “I’m just like him…” she whispered again, more to herself this time, but the weight of her brother’s name felt too heavy to carry alone. She took a shaky breath, her voice unsteady as she began. “My brother… Lysander… he was at this school too.” The words came out quietly, almost like a secret she hadn’t meant to reveal. Lyra hadn’t talked about him with many people since it happened, not because she didn’t want to, but because the loss was still so close, so real. “He… he died here.”
Her chest tightened as she spoke, the memories surfacing like ghosts. She couldn’t meet Aurora’s gaze, instead staring at the ground, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t even know what happened. No one really talks about it. It was sudden. But… a few weeks before he died, he warned me. He told me to be careful with my magic, to make sure I was always in control.”
She paused, her voice trembling again, “But I didn’t listen. I thought… I thought I could handle it.” A tear slipped down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away, frustration mixing with her sorrow. “And now… Kiki… I wasn’t careful enough. It’s like he knew this would happen.”
The guilt that had been suffocating her now seemed even heavier, like it was tied to her brother’s death. She couldn’t stop thinking about his warning, how much he had cared, and how she had failed to keep her magic in check too - just as he’d feared.