★・・・・・・★ ⊱♥⊱ ★・・・・・・★
★・・・・・・★ ⊱♥⊱ ★・・・・・・★
“But, if you want my help getting ready, I won’t say no.” It was a step in the right direction. “Perfect!” she replied, her own excitement bubbling over as she let her lamb go limp on Tae’s bed. She bounded over to her basket of makeup, fingers dancing over the array of colors and brushes like a kid in a candy store.
“I would never forgive myself if you got hurt because of me.” Ayla was slightly offended, but would never let him see that on her face. “I’m not here to play the hero for you, Tae. I’m here because you’re family and I care about you. That’s enough reason for me to stand up to him.” Ayla replied, shrugging off his doubt. “I’m not afraid of the monster lurking in the dark. I’ll confront whatever beast threatens my family.”
“Sometimes I wonder if my dad wishes my brother was still here instead of me.” Ayla felt the familiar fire within her dim for a moment as she listened to Tae’s words. She noticed the anguish etched on his face, the way he clung to the comforter like it was the only thing anchoring him to the present. Suddenly, the fierce protector she felt obligated to be needed to pivot—this moment called for empathy, not just valor. She inhaled deeply, forcing herself to calm the storm inside. This was about her cousin, his heart, his fears. “…but I can’t get the thought out of my head.”
Ayla gently placed a hand on his back, rubbing small circles to bring comfort. “Tae, love isn’t conditional. Your dad may struggle with his grief, but it doesn’t change the fact that he loves you. So, so much. That love is not diminished or erased by what happened.” She paused, feeling the rawness of her own words. She knew firsthand how painful it was to lose someone—it still stung deeply, even now. “Sometimes we—I didn’t know how to communicate when I was lost in grief. It was hard not to let that define who I was.” She confessed.
“Isaac would hate this.” He picked at the edges of his ring, lost in thought for a moment. Ayla couldn’t help but just watch him. She was way out her league here, and needed a breather to catch up. She knew in her head the advice to offer—to offer someone who was as feelings oriented as her little cousin. She knew the right and wrong coping mechanisms in her head, but she felt guilty that she almost never practiced them herself.
“I know Isaac wanted that for you,” she said, her voice steady yet sympathetic. “But you can’t hold yourself to that standard if it puts you in harm’s way. Honestly, it sounds like Renlin’s struggling, and he’s trying to navigate his grief in a way that isn’t fair to you. That’s not your fault. You’re allowed to protect yourself, Tae. You’re allowed to step back if that’s what you need to do.” Ayla wished she could take away that exhaustion away, the exhaustion that had put her in a three year slump. She was almost positive Tae felt it to some degree. “You’re already honoring him by living your life, Tae. One step forward at a time. I always hated when people told me how Alex would have felt, but—Isaac wouldn’t want you to lose yourself trying to fulfill a role that doesn’t fit. He’d probably want you to be true to yourself.” Ayla said, feeling her protective instincts shift into something more nurturing.
★・★ @Caticorn | Tae★・★