~I wanted to import my old thread from wattpad because it’s still important to raise awareness about these types of things~
Firstly, I’m not sure if there is a “clear” definition of what a toxic friendship is because the toxicity between friends is not always obvious - not only to those looking on the outside but to the people involved.
When I was in a toxic friendship, I always knew something deep down something was wrong, but I ignored it as I was in a position of stay with A or be a loner.
Luckily, I’ve moved on from the situation I was in when I first made the thread. I’m in the process of making new friends and I don’t really associate with the toxic friend(s) anymore. However, healing is a process. I’m still aware of what happened in the past and it’s something I can move on from, but not forget. The scars are still there.
Here are the signs of a toxic friendship. I might not have included everything but I think it’s so useful to know the signs especially if you think you are in a toxic friendship right now. To quote me from a few months ago, "Even if you are in a healthy friendship I would heavily recommend giving them a quick read because friendships, in my opinion, are so normalised that the negatives are widely overlooked. Even in the [article that I linked at the time], it mentions that these actions would never fly with a partner or relative. So why a friend?:
[This list is summarised in this video by Maha Maven:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xah0PkHB-CQ]
- They peer pressure you - they make you do things they know you don’t want to do and your fear is dismissed.
- They encourage you to go against your values - similar to peer pressure, they pressure you into doing things you don’t agree with and go against your gut feelings.
- You don’t trust them - you find yourself doing things in advance because you know what the “friend” is like. You don’t like leaving valuables with them or telling them personal information.
- They are happy when you fail - when something goes wrong for you, they jokingly laugh or smirk.
- They downplay your successes - when you win, they try to one-up it by making the conversation about themselves or trying to shift the convo to something else.
- They insult you - they either subtly or blatantly make fun of you. When you point it out they claim they were joking and accuse you of being defensive.
- You can’t fully express yourself around them - you feel like you have to water down and keep parts of yourself hidden out of shame or embarrassment.
- You feel negative because of them - during and after interacting with them you feel sadness, anger or exhaustion. You feel relieved in instances when they’re not around.
- They don’t take your hobbies, talents, passions or future seriously - they laugh, scoff or smirk when you talk about something you are passionate about.
- They embarrass you publically - they make you feel humiliated or exposed in large groups of people or groups of people you don’t know.
- They lie to you - you can recall multiple instances of them lying to you. A common example of this is saying they will repay you for doing a good deed for them, but never doing it.
- They dislike it when you hang out with other people - they accuse you of “ditching” them when you spend more time with someone else and that you are neglecting them.
- They only talk to you when they need something - after ignoring you for a long time, they may only talk to you occasionally. Each of these times, they ask you to do something for them such as asking for an object or for you do work for them. They accuse you of selfishness if you refuse.
- They use up all of your time - you find yourself going above and beyond for them. They want constant interaction from you. You are considered “selfish” for wanting to spend time alone.
- They constantly victimize themselves - when you call out their behaviour they recall all the positive moments you have had with them. They will bring up their loyalty and kindness and how it will all be lost if you choose to cut them off. Sometimes they will distort, lie about and exaggerate the kind acts they’ve done for you.
- They are overall, manipulative - You are portrayed as displaying harsh behaviour whenever you defend yourself. They frame your other friends or even family members as trying to take you away from them or “rude” when the friend or family member calls the toxic friend out. They make you doubt your own feelings and emotions.
My advice if you’re in a toxic friendship is to leave whenever you can - this is when the toxic friend begins to ditch you or constantly talks about how you “mistreat” them in the friendship. It’s ok if it takes a long time to do this. It’s not your fault. The toxic friend will frame you as the bad guy, but I can guarantee it’s better to be the villain for staying true to yourself than the good guy for appeasing someone at the cost of your well-being. If you feel bad for cutting off the toxic friend, that is also ok. You have been conditioned to feel attached to them so you will struggle a bit to separate yourself from them. Also, talk to someone you trust.
Whenever I’m going through a tough time, there’s always that one song that helped me push through. Some of these are about toxic friendships. Some are just sad. Some are supposed to cheer you up. Some are a bit of everything. If there’s a song that helped you in your toxic friendship let me know!:
- AURORA - I Went Too Far
- Sigrid - Fake Friends
- MARINA - Better Than That
- Grace Vanderwaal - Gossip Girl
- Sigrid - I Don’t Want To Know
- P!nk - Try
- Local Natives - Mt. Washington
- Falling In Reverse - F*ck You And All Your Friends this and the following were suggested by @anon68003072
- Bring Me The Horizon - True Friends
- New Years Day - Come For Me
- New Years Day - Alone
- Melanie Martinez - Dead To Me
- Melanie Martinez - Lunchbox Friends
- Breaking Benjamin -Had Enough
- Set it Off - Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
- Neffex - Go Hard suggested by @BrutallyBritish
*Links to the songs are now added 
If you’re in a toxic/abusive friendship, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You aren’t weak for staying, you’re not mean for leaving, you aren’t at fault for struggling to reach out. I wish someone would have told me this. You are deserving of productive, positive and healthy friendships.
