[color= #049fe0]Jezebel Mallory Sloane[/color]
2018…
The appendix is such a strange organ. Something considered useless by many, and to still be helpful by others, though often only brought up when there’s a problem. Of course, for being something so minor, appendicitis is rough, a fact that Jezebel will always remember. After all, she was the one in the hospital after just having been through an emergency appendectomy. She had been feeling worse and worse for days, not realizing why. She was nauseous, tired, feeling terrible, but she just thought it was because of being pregnant, certainly not because her appendix was about to rupture, at least not until she found herself in the hospital.
She woke up fuzzy headed, seemingly alone, no, there was someone there, a nurse checking on her, who smiled softly when she saw Jezebel was awake. Though, even drowsy, barely sure of where she was, there was one thing she did have clear on her mind. Jezebel’s hand went to her stomach, and she barely got the words out before hearing the most crushing news she ever could have imagined, a miscarriage most likely resulting from her appendix rupturing. Jezebel didn’t care what condition she was in, she felt broken, empty. Tears began to roll down her cheeks as the nurse walked out of the room, but soon she had to wipe her tears, trying to seem like she was alright, as she heard someone walking inside, Daniel. [color= #049fe0]“Hey…”[/color]
“I swear to god, Jez, are you trying to give me a heart attack. You should listen to what everyone else says - I don’t have a hearrrrtt so it’s impossibleeee” Jezebel tried to give her best friend the best smile she could manage, to act “normal”, but putting up that front was killing her inside even more. [color= #049fe0]“Nah, I know you’ve got a heart, but I’ll keep that in mind…”[/color]
“Hey now - we both know I’m always right. Don’t try to argue, we both know I’m going to win at this moment.” At that point Daniel hugged her and softly whispered, “I’m glad you’re okay…” Jezebel hugged him back [color= #049fe0]“Me too…”[/color] she said, though at that moment she didn’t mean it. She may have been alright physically, but that was it, and it felt as though not being alright physically would be less painful than what she was feeling then. Despite how she was trying to put up a strong front, she couldn’t stop her tears, and there wasn’t much Daniel could really do other than pat her back and say “Hey… it’s okay… you’re okay… you’re fine…” She could just blame it all on the anesthesia and pain medication from surgery, or her exhaustion and just feeling unwell, for why she was crying, but nobody would know there was a much deeper reason…
Flashback
Jezebel stood in her bathroom, looking in the mirror, resting her hand against her stomach. Not showing yet, but probably wouldn’t be long. Even in the past weeks, everything seemed to have been changing. Nobody knew, especially not her mother and grandparents. They would never understand, after all a teen pregnancy was how she was born herself. At first, Jezebel didn’t know how to feel, but within a couple weeks she was sure. She wanted the baby. She had just turned 17, and it was still another couple of months until Jordan would be 17 too, so she knew they were too young, but she wanted to have the baby with Jordan. Hiding it from everyone, being scared about how people would react, she didn’t know what to do, but she wanted to find the best way to tell Jordan. [color= #049fe0]“Your dad is going to love you when he finds out.”[/color] Jezebel whispered quietly to herself, as if she was telling the baby. She knew it would be a shock to Jordan, but she knew him. She knew that even though it was so far from any kind of ideal circumstances, he would love the baby and would be an amazing dad. She just had to tell him, then together they could figure out what to do and tell everyone else in their lives. Jezebel walked into her bedroom, sitting on her bed and pulling out a small journal she had hidden nearby, her diary where she had written so much already. Scattered notes on everything that came to mind about the baby. Notes on how the baby would be developing, name ideas, questions of how everything would work out after, and so many ways to tell Jordan. Telling him was something that she wanted to make sure to get right. She wanted it to be more special than just calling him and directly saying she was pregnant.
End of Flashback
Jezebel woke up, tears streaming down her face because of the memory she dreamt about. It had been days since she was in the hospital. No, it had been weeks. Two, maybe three. Jezebel wasn’t entirely sure, the days all blended together. Those first few, just getting better physically, then just forcing herself to act as normal as she could. Each day like the one before, go to school, go along with whatever Dan wanted to do, go home and avoid her grandparents and mother, or do whatever necessary to appease her mother. Each night, she would go to her bedroom and the smile she had to fake each day would finally break down, cry, and hope for the day to be over, to not feel like she was dying inside… but sleep wasn’t even an escape. Dreams that would have been nice once, brought more pain than most nightmares even would. When she woke up in the middle of the night, she looked to her diary, and opened it to the most recent pages. She was happy then… unaware of what was going to happen, all because she couldn’t take care of herself. If she had just realized something was wrong, everything could have been taken care of before it got too far, and she wouldn’t have lost the baby. Then there, on the page, her plans to tell Jordan, a date written on the page, one that would have been just after she had been in the hospital, the day she planned to tell him… Jezebel watched as her tears fell and hit the paper, and she couldn’t look at it any longer. She grabbed the page, ripping it out of the journal. One by one, she began ripping out each and every page she had written on about the baby. The name ideas, the due date, the thoughts about the future, the things she would need to do, how to tell people, everything. She couldn’t bear the thought of reading it all. All that she left even mentioning the pregnancy in general, was what she wrote just after finding out about being pregnant, saying how she was freaked out and didn’t know what to do, just looking at what options she even had, before she knew she wanted to keep the baby. The memories killed her, and the journal pages were just a constant reminder of how much pain she was in. All she wanted was to feel Jordan’s arms around her, telling her he loved her and that everything would be alright, but she couldn’t tell him, because she didn’t feel like she deserved that love, and just as much as it hurt her to keep it from him, she more than anything didn’t want him to feel the pain she felt. She couldn’t tell the person she needed most, and she couldn’t tell anyone else, making her feel all the more alone…
@benitz786 - Dan/Jordan mentioned