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[Littlefeets]

@Littlefeets

Jezebel Mallory Sloane

2018…

Its even sadder knowing that the last misc reaction I did was this one

@benitz786

Sometimes living feels like death - 2023

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@Littlefeets

Jezebel tried to give her best friend the best smile she could manage, to act “normal”, but putting up that front was killing her inside even more.

She couldn’t let anybody know…
Not even her best friend…

@Littlefeets

Daniel hugged her and softly whispered, “I’m glad you’re okay…” Jezebel hugged him back “Me too…” she said, though at that moment she didn’t mean it.

She didn’t mean it at all.

@Littlefeets

Despite how she was trying to put up a strong front, she couldn’t stop her tears

She could only do so much to pretend.

@Littlefeets

there wasn’t much Daniel could really do other than pat her back and say “Hey… it’s okay… you’re okay… you’re fine…”

Awww Daniel trying to comfort his bestie even though he had no idea what was really going on

@Littlefeets

She could just blame it all on the anesthesia and pain medication from surgery, or her exhaustion and just feeling unwell, for why she was crying, but nobody would know there was a much deeper reason…

That’s all it was… that’s all anybody needed to know. Anesthesia and pain medication made her cry… not that she lost her baby…

@Littlefeets

At first, Jezebel didn’t know how to feel, but within a couple weeks she was sure. She wanted the baby. She had just turned 17, and it was still another couple of months until Jordan would be 17 too, so she knew they were too young, but she wanted to have the baby with Jordan.

At first she was scared… but then she was so excited for the baby

@Littlefeets

Jezebel woke up, tears streaming down her face because of the memory she dreamt about.

@Littlefeets

It had been days since she was in the hospital. No, it had been weeks. Two, maybe three. Jezebel wasn’t entirely sure, the days all blended together.

@Littlefeets

Each day like the one before, go to school, go along with whatever Dan wanted to do, go home and avoid her grandparents and mother, or do whatever necessary to appease her mother.

The best she could hope for was feeling numb…

@Littlefeets

Each night, she would go to her bedroom and the smile she had to fake each day would finally break down, cry, and hope for the day to be over, to not feel like she was dying inside… but sleep wasn’t even an escape. Dreams that would have been nice once, brought more pain than most nightmares even would.

@Littlefeets

Jezebel watched as her tears fell and hit the paper, and she couldn’t look at it any longer. She grabbed the page, ripping it out of the journal. One by one, she began ripping out each and every page she had written on about the baby. The name ideas, the due date, the thoughts about the future, the things she would need to do, how to tell people, everything. She couldn’t bear the thought of reading it all.

She couldn’t look at it any more

@Littlefeets

All that she left even mentioning the pregnancy in general, was what she wrote just after finding out about being pregnant, saying how she was freaked out and didn’t know what to do, just looking at what options she even had, before she knew she wanted to keep the baby

And that’s how Riker got the wrong idea…

But he didn’t pay close enough attention to there having been pages ripped out…

@Littlefeets

All she wanted was to feel Jordan’s arms around her, telling her he loved her and that everything would be alright, but she couldn’t tell him, because she didn’t feel like she deserved that love, and just as much as it hurt her to keep it from him, she more than anything didn’t want him to feel the pain she felt. She couldn’t tell the person she needed most, and she couldn’t tell anyone else, making her feel all the more alone…

She just wanted to tell him