Malachi Azure
A late night talk - 2032
Kai turned at the sound of footsteps behind him. He didn’t know how long he had been out on the balcony, but it must have been long enough for her to realize he was gone. “Are you okay?” she questioned as she stood at the edge of the doorway, just where he could see her. “I’m fine. I just couldn’t sleep. ” He knew she could see there was more to it, but he didn’t want any more pressure on her than there already was. She knew there would be a reason for him being awake, there always was. The only question was what that reason was this time.
Sleep didn’t come easy to Kai, and when he was alone it was always worse, but even when he slept it wasn’t always restful. Skye could often put his mind at ease, help him rest, but some nights not even having her in his arms was enough to help. He only had a couple of options, lay there and try to fall asleep without disturbing her, or sneak away for some fresh air and hope she wouldn’t notice.
“We both know that’s not true. Please, come back inside.” Skye added, holding her hand out for him to take, and he hesitated just for a moment before stepping inside, grabbing her hand and closing the door behind him. She brought him back over towards the bed, and that’s when he softly kissed the top of her head and lightly laid his hand against her stomach. “I don’t want you worrying about me.”
“I care about you, so I will. So you might as well just talk to me.” It didn’t matter what he said, she dug her heels in on the matter. Even with someone he loved, Kai didn’t like opening up to people. His thoughts usually remained in his mind, especially his worries and self doubt.
It took her time to get to what was really on his mind. Though it wasn’t as simple as what woke him up, it was what was keeping him up. Kai didn’t want to talk about it, or really even think consciously about it. He was scared, worried about the future, both with Skye and their child, and even for himself. He felt as though his hands were tied, and he didn’t know how that would change things for after the baby was born. A part of him was scared that he wouldn’t be able to do all that he wanted to be able to for the baby.
“I’m scared too, Kai. I don’t know how to be a parent. I haven’t exactly had an example to look to, but all we can do is try.”
“I feel like I don’t have control over anything. Everything’s out of my control… I can’t do the things I want, be who I want, my life isn’t mine and I don’t know what to do. How am I supposed to do this when everything is out of my control?”
“There’s a lot out of your control, Kai. She who should not be named certainly makes sure of that, but not everything is out of your control.” Skye said, softly bringing her hand to Kai’s cheek. “You control who matters to you. You decide who you love. You get to be you when we’re together. I know the Kai Azure that’s laying here next to me, the man who our daughter is going to look up to and know will always love her and idolize her as much as she’s going to idolize him. There may not be much you can do outside of this room, but you are always going to be able to be you, with us.” She was right, with her, he was in complete control of who he was. It was like a private world between the two of them.
“You’re right, but I still don’t know how to make it all work.”
“We will figure it out as we go. You can’t solve the world’s problems in one night. And solving your own takes just as long. But there are some things we can figure out.”
“Like what?” Kai questioned, able to tell by the look on her face that she had something specific in mind.
“We’re going to need a name for her pretty soon.”
“What names did you have in mind?”
“I like the name Scarlet.” Skye paused for a moment, as if she was waiting to see if there was a reaction from Kai while he thought about the name, before continuing. “But I like it spelled with only one ‘t’, like the color.”
“Why Scarlet?” Kai wanted Skye to be happy, but he just wasn’t sure about the name, especially being spelled like the color instead of a more expected spelling of the name. He just had a list of names he liked better. “There are other names that are also colors too, if that’s what you really want. Like Amber, or Violet.”
“But I still like the name Scarlet for her.” There was a look of certainty on her face that Kai couldn’t deny. He just couldn’t get past his uncertainty about the name. It simply didn’t seem right in his mind. “Maybe we need to think about that one for a while.”
Round and round they went discussing names, even settling on a middle name, but they couldn’t find a first name they both thought was right. There were names Kai suggested that Skye thought were nice options, but she was set on the name, Scarlet. While Kai, he didn’t come around to the name until the day she was born. Scarlet deserved to have the name her mother wanted for her, and Skye deserved to have named her daughter, even if she would never get to meet her.