Shorts Series: Alternate Universe - Kai’s What If - 2037/2038
There were so many reasons Jessica Pierce abhorred her mind. She hated the cogs in her brain and how they constantly ticked… the way she remembered every… single… fcking emotion as it was happening again… and again… and again, as if those days were on repeat with no end in sight. With the way her mind worked, pain never dulled. Hell, love never… really did either. Every strong emotion was constantly on display. And perhaps time helped her lock away certain thoughts… moments. Avoid certain triggers… think about certain things less. Hey, the achohol helped with that too, especially on one particular day where she woke up knowing her babies were gone. It wasn’t the only moment, however. If someone knew what pain felt like… it was her, in more ways than one.
One of those triggers was easily Malachi Azure. And no, it wasn’t just for the bad memories. What hurt the most sometimes was the good memories. And perhaps… those were what she was thinking about those hours she was awake locked in her bedroom knowing that the man who caused so much pain… and even love was merely a few feet away. Her mind became locked in that of her teenage years, and moments with him were replaying - making her wonder if she was honestly hallucinating until the exhaustion overtook her.
Was she hallucinating? Dreaming? After all, it wouldn’t be the first time. However, that answer seemed to be an astounding no as she found herself standing inside her guest room, looking at… a shadow of the Kai she once knew begging his child not to cry. It was strange… this scene in front of her. Perhaps there was even irony in the way that a man she once even imagined having kids with was sitting in front of her, with a child of his own. Perhaps it was instinct, but she couldn’t help herself from the words that left her lips. “Do you need help?”
Despite the darkness settled in the room, her eyes didn’t need adjusting to see how tired Malachi looked. He looked… consumed. A version of himself that she… recognized but only because she had been there. And perhaps it was that very familiarity that unsettled her to her core. It was that familiarity that screamed in her head to let him inside hours earlier. It was that familiarity that told her he was broken. His voice showed that even more as he told her that he didn’t know what to do.
After another moment of staring at him, allowing her eyes to meet his for the first time since she walked in - Jessica moved towards the crying baby and wrapped her carefully in her arms. There was a sort of expertise in her touch - but after taking care of her siblings, her neices, her nephews, her cousins, Kaya, Veronica Charlotte, and even Laurel… this was honestly second nature. People always said she had a way with kids, and perhaps she did. A big part of her always wanted kids too…a family… someone to love… but clearly she wasn’t destined for that life, and over the past few years, Jessica had come to terms with that fact. “Hi Munckin, shhh, come on now… what’s the point in crying?” Jess whispered, walking with the baby towards her stroller on the side of the room. Bringing her eyes from the baby, towards the… one item Kai had brought with him, Jess kneeled down, grabbing the box of formula and a bottle, before walking the baby and herself towards the kitchen. “You know what always makes me feel better after a good cry, darling? Food. And I have this weird feeling that you’re just as hungry as I am, huh?” Jess continued. She could see Kai following her from the corner of her eye, and as she reached the kitchen, swaying her body gently, she looked towards him after putting the formula down. “Kai, can you wash the bottle and make the formula?” Jess told the man - knowing that in his state, he needed instructions, not questions.
Standing next to him, Jess continued to sway with the little girl. “So formula huh? Aren’t you a fancy one. Personally if I was going to have powdered anything, it better be chicken nuggets but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, love.” Jess told the little girl, talking to her in a calm voice. As she spoke, Jess put the kettle on, waiting for the water to heat up just enough so that Kai could add it to the bottle. “Honestly, perhaps you should become a singer in the future. You definitely have the lungs for it and guesses what? I have connections. There’s this lovely man named Andy who would just love to take you under his wing. Don’t worry, the gig’s pretty easy. You just scream into a mic and for the most part, people cheer you on if you’re cute and I think you’ve got that part covered. Maybe even more than Andy… don’t tell him I said that.” Jess added as Kai got the ingredients together and handed her the bottle.
“Here we go love,” Jess whispered, bringing the bottle the the little girl’s lips, and after a few seconds, she was quiet and drinking. After a few moments, Jessica moved to the couch, gently rocking the girl as she drank the milk. “You look awful Kai,” Jess added after a few seconds, looking towards the man who had his eyes closed as he leaned against the wall near her.
The girl in her arms was still happily drinking as Jess stood up, walking towards her bathroom and grabbing a small container with her other hand. Walking back to Kai, Jess handed him the container. Inside were small, white circular pills - though the container had no label indicating exactly what was inside. “Do me a favor. Take two of those.” Jess told the man, before taking a seat back on the couch to watch the girl in her arms - who’s eyes were slowly closing as she finished her milk. She knew Kai hadn’t yet moved, with a sigh and her eyes on the girl she added “I need you to trust me Kai. I’ll watch her. Take two of those and go back to bed.”