What If? - Jezebel never dated Mikel
Part 2
Everything had changed so much in a matter of days. Jezebel had been kicked out of her own home, a friend had died, Daniel was back in her life as her brother, and most of all she had Jordan in her life again too. Two years apart, and now she was pregnant with a child that wasn’t his, but maybe that wasn’t exactly an obstacle to overcome. Of course, things were still a bit uncertain, but the world had brought her and Jordan back together. However, there was one new certainty in Jezebel’s life, the Parker family. In making up with Daniel, she had gained a family, and a place to call home. She couldn’t go back to the Sloane household, but within just a couple of days she was fully moved into the Parker home. In just a few days, she went from Daniel treating her like she was worthless, to being made to feel like she had a family. She had been more supported in a week than she had in a very long time. The Parker family was now her family, but most of all Jordan made her feel safe and cared for in a way she needed more than anything else.
As Jezebel heard the question, all she could do was look to the ground and close her eyes. Of course she knew she would be asked if she had ever been pregnant before, but it still hurt to think about, and that was the one thing that wasn’t made easier by having Jordan there with her. Jezebel had always thought that maybe one day she would tell him, but she never knew how she would be able to say the words. For the past week, she had done her best to push the memory of two years earlier out of her mind. Thinking about it only made her more scared, and that fear was far too much for her, especially before a doctor could actually tell her that this baby was healthy and fine. Though, it seemed that this would be that day, the day Jordan would find out what happened after he left. The only answer she could give was to nod, an answer that she knew would be a surprise to Jordan. She had been pregnant before. “Two years ago…”
At first, Jordan didn’t say a word, and Jezebel continued talking with the doctor, knowing she had to tell Jordan everything. After a few moments, Jordan turned to her with a whisper, “You were… pregnant?”
At Jordan’s words, her attention went completely to him. She looked at him, giving a slight nod. “I didn’t know how to tell you…” She knew he needed to know, and she had always planned to tell him one day, but that didn’t make it easier… the fear she was fighting to ignore, the pain she always had to bury deeper, it was all coming to the surface with the tears beginning to gather in her eyes.
It was a lot for Jordan to process, Jezebel knew that. It was something she doubted that he ever would have expected, and it was just… a lot. After a moment, she heard Jordan’s attention go to the doctor in the room, to ask him if they could have a moment alone. “What do you… how were you… well, not how clearly I know how but… you never told me… why didn’t you tell me?”
Jezebel was already hurting, thinking about the past, what happened. Every second she thought about it, pained her. Even after two years, it even having been so close to that two year mark when she realized she was pregnant this time, it still killed her inside. If anything, that made it hurt even more, and all she could do as tears started pouring down her face was to pull her knees in close, hugging her legs, barely looking at Jordan. “I was scared… you were leaving… I… I was going to tell you… but…”
With the doctor out of the room, Jezebel watched Jordan start pacing. He needed to know what happened, it just wasn’t easy for Jezebel to say. “You didn’t…I would have wanted to know… what… what happened to them?” Jordan said, walking back towards her, putting his hands on hers.
“I wanted to tell you… I was about to…” Jezebel began, before putting her head down on her knees, not wanting to look at him as she said what happened. All she could do was lightly squeeze his hand as she took a deep breath, barely able to get the words out, sobbing at the end. “I couldn’t take care of myself… I… I got sick… I was in the hospital… and… and…” She couldn’t bring herself say the last words, that she lost the baby, that it was a miscarriage, but her tears said enough.
Jezebel finally looked back to Jordan when he pulled her into a tight hug, tears in his eyes. They stayed there for what felt like a long time before Jordan finally whispered, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”
When it happened, the one thing she wanted was Jordan. She wanted him there with her more than anything else, but she didn’t want him feeling the same overwhelming pain she felt.
Jezebel held him tight, as though her life depended on it, as she said, “I should have told you…” for a few moments, she stayed there, before looking right at him. “I’m sorry…” She was sorry she didn’t tell him sooner and she was sorry that he had to feel any of that pain, but she was most apologetic about losing the baby in the first place. She felt like she not only could have done better, but should have done better, that she could have made things go differently, and that their baby would have made it. Which was why her next words came out as a whisper, more to herself than to him, muffled slightly as she buried her face against him. “It was my fault…”
Just as soon as the words left her mouth, Jordan moved to cup her face in his hands and kissed her. Jez didn’t know what to do in that moment, his head against hers as tears streamed down her cheeks. “Don’t ever say that. Don’t… Ever say that Jezebel. I love you, I love you now, I loved you then, I’ve never stopped loving you and that’s not your fault. You hurting right now shows me it’s not your fault and I don’t blame you for that and you… you can’t blame yourself because you are everything. You are my everything.” He said, wrapping his arms tightly around her.
He still loved her, and despite how much she blamed herself, he said she shouldn’t, because she was his everything. After losing his child, after not telling him about it until now, after two whole years, she was still his everything, and he was hers. Maybe, just maybe, with Jordan by her side she could start to believe that everything would be alright. All she could do was let out the words, “I love you too.”