The slightest hint of hesitation from Jordan gave her the answer immediately, making her draw away even further from him. The answer she had never wanted to hear, one that would set her back ten years, back to the insecure teen she was pre-Jordan. Jordan loved Sadie. But not just her, and she would never be able to change that. And if she wanted to stay with him she would just have to accept it. Of course, this didn’t change Sadie’s feelings for him. Maybe nothing ever will. But would she let her love, the family and life they had made together, be outweighed by the continuous worry that something like this could potentially happen again?
Looking in his eyes finally made her see, and painfully believe, the remorse and extreme self-awareness Jordan’s features exuded. Anything she would have said to him, he would probably be expecting. The fact that she was hurt, that he was an idiot, that it would take a long time to recover from this: she could see he already knew. Sadie didn’t have to say anything. Which worked for her, because honestly, Sadie didn’t know what to say. There was no immediate solution or answer to this.
Logically, Sadie would end their relationship right there and then. If Jordan was willing to throw away their marriage, then so was she. But her response actually came in the form of her taking his hand. No, it wasn’t forgiveness, and certainly not forgetting. Call her stupid, but Sadie took it because she wasn’t ready to let it go. To let him, and her life with him, go. Though she would usually consider herself an optimist, this situation Sadie felt was an exception. She knew there was only a small chance of redemption, but Sadie was willing to take it. Though it was still clear that it would take a while to even begin the process of fixing this, she was giving him a sign that this wasn’t completely over.
Despite leaving the reunion party together, they still had an undeniable distance between them. Being at home, reuniting with the kids, coming back in general emphasised the difference in their dynamic, in the home they used to be comfortable in. As days and weeks passed, they continued to be in the awkward limbo of unknowingness. In fact, during the times their kids would be at school, Sadie would stay out of the house and away from him, disrupting any progress they had possibly made.
That was until the day the social worker turned up at their door to continue their adoption process, something that a divorce would completely ruin. Mariana Lennox was someone they had met a few years ago now, and in that time she had basically become family. Sadie couldn’t let the unresolved problems between her and Jordan stop that from becoming official. So with no disruptions, Sadie and Jordan were ruled as suitable to adopt.
While staying together was worth it to make Annie a permanent member of the family, that was something that only temporarily fixed Jordan and Sadie’s relationship. Though Sadie had hope for them being able to work out, it was cancelled out by the overwhelming insecurities that she didn’t think she would be able to ever get over, and that was something Jordan could see too. So, inevitably, the divorce was finalised. Doing that was almost as difficult and painful as the day Sadie saw him kissing her, but it was the best thing to do at the time. Maybe in the future she will realise the mistake she made and take everything back. Because, despite all of this, Sadie still loved him. The same way she did when he proposed. When they got married. When they met each other. But the idea- and probable truth- that it wasn’t reciprocated was something Sadie couldn’t see past.
However, the good thing about breakups is that they come with record-breaking songs, her music career accelerating, despite the minor worry that media would side with the more-followed celebrity. For her kids, Sadie put all of her effort into. She strived to be the best parent she could be, maybe to make up for the guilt of breaking it up. It took a while to get used to the new normal, but honestly, it was okay. In fact, after years of living reliant on other people, Sadie learned to live independently and for herself. Sadie looked for the positives, as she proceeded to do so with everything, because, despite everything, that’s who she was.
@benitz786 — Jordan Williams