some years ago, Belle’s first crush and last crush
Somewhere in france- at the fleur manor
Belle’s memory of how these feelings began with Augustus was hazy. Augustus was older, a man she regarded almost as kin, a close and familiar figure in her life. He was older by a mere 5 years, a similar age gap she shared with her brothers and like Belle said Augustus was like a brother to her.
So why then these feelings? Sure, He possessed a certain handsomeness, kindness that shone through his lovely smiles, and he was the exact kind of gentleman Belle believed men should aspire to be – a far cry from the rakes that populated L’Europe. They were all of the same cloth too—not remarkable, not kind enough, not handsome enough, not intelligent enough—just men with big egos.
And Belle had a tendency to prick at their inflated egos, relishing the label of “intense” or “insane” that some of them bestowed upon her. She was called Thorny Belle, a well earned nickname, she liked the nickname so much she named the cat her mother had given to her as a birthday gift Thorne. The nickname seriously mused her as she found amusement in stirring the discomfort of men, well aware of the whispered rumors about her eccentricity. Her intention was clear – she intended to remain unburdened by suitors, strike fears in their heart so they would think less to pursue her when she debuts and Belle will have a lovely debut season with no suitors, and it would continue and continue like that till her mother gives up and let belle enjoy her life.
Alas, such a beautiful outcome seemed unlikely. With her father being Grand Duke Gabriel, soon to be eligible suitors will perceive Belle as a desirable catch. That notion repulsed her; marriage was far from her agenda. Fortunately, her father supported her in her defiance against such a nightmare. She cherished him for his understanding and affection, while her mother sang a different tune.
Duchess Margot, her mother, whom Belle loved but did not like. If not for the familial connection, Belle would avoid her. A caring woman, yes-depending on your definition of caring, but one driven by the desire of marrying Belle off to a suitable match. A match that ticked all the boxes of what her mother thought was Belle ideal type: a nice age, title, handsomeness, kindness- Belle did not care for title but her mother did so she included it.
Where was Belle again? Right, she couldn’t fathom her attraction to him. Her heart had fluttered just like the maids have described it would when he had sent her a letter, but why did it? Why him?
Was it his agreeable personality? After all he was who Belle deemed as ideal for women who sought marriage- women who were not her. But if that was the case then why did she not have feelings for Atlas? After all, he checked a lot of her boxes for the ideal gentlemen for women who were not her.
Perhaps it was because Augustus was more expressive, open with his feelings compared to Atlas.
Belle could not help but to thank the fact that Augustus was not a Frenchman, he lived in England, meaning Belle did not have to see him daily. She feels like he would discover her feelings for him if that was the case.
The mere thought of Augustus discovering her feelings sent shivers down her spine. She dreaded the idea of his awareness- Belle could not have feelings for anyone. She just could not. She refused to confront this emotional entanglement, for it was a labyrinth she had no wish to navigate in. She contemplated seeking counsel from dear Josephine, but Josephine would give her useless advice about marriage too or tell her mother. There was Kat, her younger sister, but what would Kat know about feelings such as this? She was too inexperienced. The idea of revealing her affections to her best friend, Louisa, seemed equally daunting, especially if she pressed for a name or if she feels betrayed that Belle has feelings. She could not confide in her mother nor brothers, she could confide in the maids- they were caring, but maybe they would be too busy for this silly thing.
Frustration gripped her, as she made her way down to her father’s study door. She knocked on it and with permission granted she entered and took a seat.
“Father, when you met Mother, what were your first impressions? How did you feel?” Her father dropped his papers, raising a brow as he stared at her, a curious look on his face.
“Why do you wonder, dear daughter.”
“I just do,”
Her father held the papers back in his hand arranging them as he removed his bifocals to smile at his young innocent daughter. “As you know, my mother’s union was arranged by our parents. I found her beautiful of course and agreed to it, just like she did but I was nervous around her.”
“Why?” Though Belle didn’t really have to wonder how or why. Her mother was terrifying at times.
“Come and sit in my lap, it’s time for story time.”
“Father, I am 13 winters old, such a thing is inappropriate.”
“When did you care for that?” Belle smiled at these words as she nodded and sat at her old man’s lap, arms crossed as she stared into his eyes.
“Well, how should I begin? When I met your mother I knew she disliked me even if it was just a little- I think she was in love with someone else or hated the idea of an arranged marriage. So, when she stares at me, she will give me the looks you will see in nightmares.”
“Was mother that scary?”
“Most terrifying, she was beautiful and stricken at the same time. She made my heart beat whenever I was around her- of both love and fear, fear that she might one day poison me. I don’t quite remember when our first kiss happened, our first kiss outside our wedding day that she initiated but she had smiled at me giving me a hug. I think she began to get comfortable with me by then and I had loved her by then.”
“Astonishing, that sounds truly astonishing.” Young Belle said.
“Did you perform your marital duties?” Belle’s father coughed at that and Belle cocked her head to the side wondering what she said wrong, she had heard maids whispering about some marital duties.
“What do you know about Marital duties?”
Belle paused, “I don’t quite know, the books I read do not mention that in detail just that they hold hands.” Her dad coughed uncomfortably.
“Right, we did hold hands. Belle it’s getting late, you should rest.” He kissed her forehead, “Call you brother Thomas for me, I have something to discuss with him.” Belle kissed her father on the cheek as she stepped down his lap.
“Ok, Father.” She curtsies, “I’ll make sure to call my brother,”
Belle exited the study room and went looking for Brother Thomas, but Thomas was not in his room. Astonishing, she went downstairs again and went to a door that read ‘do not enter’ . She knocked on it and nothing, when she opened it, she was horrified at what she was seeing.
Her brother and a maid. Young Belle stood frightened not moving, Thomas turned to her and his eyes widened. He quickly got dressed and sent the maid away.
“What are you doing here,” He hissed, “Can’t you read the door, you’re a good reader for your age so I know that’s not the case.”
Belle blinked, “F…father, father is calling you.” Belle said uncomfortable as her lips trembled, “W-what what were you doing?”
Her brother coughed shifting uncomfortably, “Nothing Belle, I was doing nothing.”
“But you were doing something and that was why you were so ashamed when I came and the maid was equally as horrified, why was she without clothes?”
Thomas stared at her, scratching his neck- he was trying to come up with a tale, a lie and so Belle quickly said, “Do not lie to me or I will tell father what you were doing.”
“You would not,” Thomas said and He was right,s he would not,
“I will, just watch.”
“Belle…. Fine, I will tell you since you insist so much,” Belle smiled, still quite shaken at the horrific thing she saw.
“Well…” Thomas started before he began to tell her the most terrifying thing she had heard. She had fled there and in two days her feelings for Augustus had gone, that whole talk making her uncomfortable.
mentioned:
@sunflowerjm - Atlas
@Madilfill - Augustus- well most of this was about augustus
@Ouijaloveletters - Louisa