Blue Royaltyâs Present to the Bride and Groom â 12/14/39
written by @benitz786
Aww, look at the bride and groom saying âI doâ - how adorable. Can Blue Royalty just start by saying, thank you for the invite Mr. and Mrs. Williams? Well, now that weâre here and we have the pleasantries out of the way, is it a little late to say that we object? Well⌠technically we donât need to âobjectâ exactly, but just⌠add on to the nuptials. After all, Jezebel Williams, you have your something old, blue, and borrowed so let us bless this wedding with something new.
By something new, of course, we mean new to all of the wedding guests. Why donât we start with the Bride and Groomâs own kids? How disappointing is it when the groomâs own daughter decides to skip the wedding? Though, we guess itâs a damn good thing sheâs adopted because apparently, all the other Williams kids decided to show up, including soon-to-be Williams, Laurel Parker. Oh wait⌠sheâs not going to be a Williams, or even a Parker for much longer. Rather, our sources found that Laurel recently went to the County Clerkâs Office to change her last name to âLucasâ. We here at Blue Royalty are believers in giving back to our community, so Laurel, our gift to you is expediting this process so starting today, you are Laurel Lucas. Congrats! Talk about an awkward family dinner laterâŚ
Since weâre already talking about Jezebelâs family, it would be hard to ignore Veronica Charlotte Parker, Jezebelâs darling niece⌠especially when that family tree is soon to be growing. And no, we donât mean the fact that your mom, Valerie Wood is pregnant, or that your cousin, Jessica DeLoughrey, is pregnant, or even that Jezebel Williams, the bride herself, is pregnant. Apparently, the apple doesnât fall far from the tree, Valerie and Daniel, since your own little angel is also knocked up. Any bets on the baby daddy? Clearly, thereâs more than one contender: Elio Esposito, Mateo Perez, and Enrique Montoya.
Apparently, thereâs a lot of sex going around at this wedding, and we donât just mean the type to knock someone up⌠though maybe there will be a few more people at this wedding thatâll give birth in 9 months. Why donât we start with Finley Klein sleeping with Nora McAllister - and yes, we mean Cerulean High teacher, Nora McAllister. Apparently, having sex with someone twice your age is what happens when you have âmommyâ and âdaddyâ issues, isnât that right, Fin? Donât worry, from what we remember, Noraâs in the same boat which is probably why she fcked you too. Nora, sweetie, I hope you are ready to look for a new job - schools donât usually like it when you sleep with the students and weâve graciously made it public knowledge for you. Maybe itâs a good thing that not all the McAllisterâs can get knocked up, isnât that right Kaya? Infertility can be amazing when you think about all the terrible parents there are about to be in the room with you. Oh⌠were you keeping that to yourself? Too bad. Talking about sex, it seems like thereâs someone even feistier than you, Fin, and itâs not exactly someone anyone would expect. Isnât that right, Eduard Flynn? Is that sex tape with Paige Pierce still just sitting in your house? Sweetie, what happens in a school classroom doesnât exactly stay in a school classroom - especially when you two arenât exactly quiet. Talking about having sex in public places, it seems like Eddieâs best friend, Amelia, seems to be on a similar path - after all, having sex with JP during the wedding doesnât seem very innocent of that Taylor-DeLoughrey. Well, imagine our surprise when blue royalty found out that Amelia Grace turned even sex into the most innocent thing it can be - after all, what would you call Amelia asking JP to have sex with her so she could learn⌠well⌠everything. Our resident good girl turned sex into a schedule - and we have the pictures to prove it. Thank you Phoebe for taking those photos for us - we truly couldnât have figured this out without your help.
Amelia's Diary
Though, we canât exactly blame Amelia after her mother seemingly left her father⌠though Phoebe was a little too daft to pick up on that huh? Donât worry, thatâs why weâre right here to tell you all. Rumor has it that Riker Taylor-DeLoughrey requested for divorce papers to be drafted up by his lawyer. Though clearly, thatâs not the only family issue in the room since Alexander Beaumont is visiting his darling father in a mental institution and even helped him escape. Oh⌠sorry Madelaine, did you not know your son had figured out who his father was, and with the help of Phoebe, gotten him out? Maybe if Amelia was still friends with him, she would have talked him out of that⌠but oops, sheâs a little too busy fcking JP in every which way.
Ahh, isnât it interesting how a wedding filled with so much love has guests that are filled with so much hate? Though, can we blame Enrique Montoya - after all - how would you react if you found out that the Montoya triplets didnât exist because you, yourself, were actually adopted? Hurts doesnât it, Enrique? Weâd say go turn to Lenora or Veronica Charlotte - but clearly, no one wants you. Not your own family who gave you away, not your brothers since⌠well⌠theyâre not your brothers, and clearly not anyone in your love life since thatâs always gone to sht. Though donât worry, Enrique, youâre not the only person whose life is absolute sht. Just ask the person who fcked your ex, Lenora, Ezekiel Griffin. I mean, he is, after all, living out of a hotel and sleeping with girls for money. Tell us, Kaya, are you and your father missing any cash? Iâd go take a look at your valuables. But hey, if youâre looking for a roomy, donât forget that Fin also has daddy problems Zek. I see bestie material right here.
It seems like a lot of people in the room have mommy and or daddy problems, so donât fret you two. Specifically, the Weston-Lucierâs clearly have daddies problems - though what can we expect when your former dad was a druggie, and your biological dad is also such a sht show. Maybe a few more of us should ask where Amanda really was for the past few months⌠we here at blue royalty truly realize that she takes after Maverick Weston, but then again, youâre not very innocent in the first place are you Amanda? What about Clara? Well, wouldnât you be surprised that daddyâs little angel is anorexic? Though⌠have you seen her? Itâs not hard to guess. Donât worry Clara, you can go reach out to Hera Zhou and become anorexic buddies since sheâs in the same boat as you. The only difference, Hera got there by a bit more liposuction than you.
Though we may be attending the wedding, we here at blue royalty do hope that those not in attendance didnât forget about us. Though, not getting an invite doesnât exactly put you in our good graces - just look at Fin who snuck in. Even he knows where people of class should be during a day like this. To that, all we can say is do better. In any case, Karen darling, donât kill another goldfish at the carnival okay? After all - since poisoning a class pet seems to be your forte⌠we can only wonder if that skill translates to poisoning people you consider friends⌠or even enemies. Though, Karen, if you ever need help - feel free to reach out to Hades Lucas-Astor. Seems as if he has a knack for killing people just like you do for animals - after all, what would you all call almost killing your cousin with your bare hands? Oh, Hades, darling, also, if you are looking for more drugs for your mother, Gabriella, we truly suggest you reach out to Ezekiel Griffin⌠or maybe even look into Julian Paul Medina⌠though we wouldnât be surprised if your mother is already in contact with those two⌠maybe double-check that sheâs not also fcking Fin.
Anyways, I hope the bride and groom enjoyed our gift to you all. We truly hope you have a long and prosperous marriage⌠unlike the last time with Sadie Monroe who we found leaving the wedding a little early after a little chat with Jordan Williams. Seems, Jordan really is in it for the long haul, Jezebel. What a lucky bride.
