“But you know I do that, you just stopped approving because you can’t stand me anymore.”
“I never approved of it,” she defended, and it was true. Amani had never approved of it, nor disapproved of it. At first, witnessing it had been strange. This peculiar initiation into the brotherhood had begun during their second year at Wyndham. She could not precisely recall how it started, only that it had been instigated by Vincenzo. At first, she had been startled, confusion etched across her face, but there was no disgust. She had thought it childish, yes, but had also found herself amused by the brutal spectacle of it all.
Amani often positioned herself on the periphery, a book in hand, as she watched Vincenzo initiate the first-year students. She would flip the pages, her eyes darting between the bloody scene unfolding before her and the equally bloody narrative in her book. The violence outside the pages seemed to blur with the violence within them, creating a surreal tableau that felt both detached and intimately familiar. She had been quite fascinated by the ritual, for its raw display of power and submission, the unspoken rules that governed their small, cloistered society. She wondered if the others felt the same magnetic pull towards the edge of chaos, the same thrill of witnessing boundaries being tested and broken. They were cruel, yes, but Amani has never been opposed to cruelty, as she was often cruel herself and she couldn’t care less for half the population of Umbra, to truly oppose it, but the point was that she didn’t approve of it, she had simply been a bystander, there was a difference.
Moreover, what Vincenzo had said, about the victim of his brutality, caused her to arc a brow- a senior? She wondered, who that senior was. But she did not ask, she didn’t care to ask, really, instead she had rolled her eyes when he had brought up her ‘friends’ and her lack of inclination towards the morals, she had berated Vincenzo for. “I always thought that it was doltish, that you were doltish for it, and even if we were still friends, dear, I would still think that.” That indeed was not a lie, but she had not found it doltish in the way that perhaps Vincenzo would be inclined to think of, but doltish in a way that it was amusing.
When he began to speak on Arya, Amani’s eyes had wandered around, as if to say, okay? Anyways lmao, “You should probably find better stalkers to do your job then, if that’s what you’ve heard.” She arched a brow-, “Me and your ex were doing everything but picking on each other that day,” At Vincenzo’s suggestion that she picked ups traits from Arya, Amani resisted the urge to snarl, to retort or to say something childish. Instead, she asked, “Perhaps,” She allowed for a pregnant silence to follow. “Do you think Sellenova will fuck those traits into me?” She looked as if she truly considering it, “I always criticized her, you and her’s relationship most of all, because I thought it wouldn’t last and it seems I was right, but pity, unlike me, she had been the first to see the signs and disregard you,” She tried not to look at his eyes much as she talked, she did not want to find signs of Vinnie in him. “That’s the only time she has been smarter than me.” Amani said pridefully. “Hopefully, she’s a much better lay than you were, I don’t know how she put out for you all this time,” Amani did not want to be reminded of what had transpired between them- between her and Vincenzo, but she wanted to say something, to get under his skin a little, and the only thing she could think about currently was that. “I almost pity her, really, she most have suffered, faking an orgasm all this time. No wonder she left, though,” Her eyes inched towards his hair, 'She probably also didn’t want her children to bald before they’re 25 nor turn out like you."
He had inched closer to her, and she had inched back, but still he came near her, his hands reaching to caress her cheek, it was a gently touch- a touch that reminded her of the past, of how things used to be and she couldn’t help but to fight against the instinct that wanted her to lean in to the touch, to be Amani and Vinnie again, but there was no Amani and Vinnie, at least, not anymore. Thus, she slapped his hands away, her eyes narrowing at the contact and at the words that followed next. She bristled a little, before she rolled her eyes, her demeanor shifting. “You’re not that interesting ,” She had shrugged, “And like I said, I care not to impress you.”
When Vincenzo began to talk about how others may think of her, might remember her, Amani began to look around with her eyes, as if to convey the message of, ‘okay and?’. Did he really think that Amani cared about what this cohort infested with dimwits and boxers that had not been washed since last spring will remember her for? Like was he actually serious? Truthfully, the only part that slightly flinched was the mention of Ditto, but she had quickly regained her composure. “I like Azriel, well enough. I even hoped it was him instead of you on the rooftop” She shrugged, , a dismissive wave of her hand accompanying her word. Perhaps, if she had not already accepted that Wyndham might truly be her last chance of freedom, she would care more for those words, but she had long accepted that Azriel was not going anywhere and he was not all to bad, she liked him in her own way. "And please, when you’re listing all my achievements " she rolled her eyes, “Don’t forget I was the mean girl who also excelled in every class without much work, and the mean girl who it seems you’re still worked up about, and all this fiance talk, I thought you hated Azriel” She arched brow, “Though, I’ll be sure to let my fiance know, that he can always count on you to defend him, I suppose.”
She had wanted to ignore the betrayal comment, to not speak on it, or pretend like she did not even know what he was talking about, but see, Amani has always been… Well Amani, “I never betrayed you,” She began, “I simply left, people leave all the time. Did you really think we were going to be best friends forever?” Amani thought that, she had hoped that perhaps they’ll always be close, that even when she got married, there will always be a her and Vinnie, a close platonic bond between them. But even then, Amani knew she was delusional, as after all, all good things must come to an end. “This is not my little pony, Vincenzo,I was bound to get tired of you.” Her voice had been cold, uncaring, but her words had been anything but truthful. She had loved him, yes, and if circumstances were different, if that mistake had not occur, then perhaps, instead of arguing on top of the rooftop, they would be cracking jokes and laughing together, but circumstances had not been different, and Amani hated the boy standing in front of her. She couldn’t care less of him- she needed to stop caring, he was an obstacle.
She was lucky enough, that her father never found out, and that after what he had done and said, it made it easier for her to despise him. This dress, though it made her itch, made her face twist in anger, also brought her immense happiness, as it was just another thing that could make her despise him. “It’s green,” of course it matches my eyes. She had said and thought in distaste.
mentioned:
@CerealKiller - your daughter
framed on a nearby shelf. The photograph seemed to mock her, a reminder of the warmth and unity that now felt so distant. 
