⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨ August, 2005 Bonfire ୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
Lizzy’s eyes followed the dancing flames as they flared and flickered, illuminating the four of them as they sat on logs in the otherwise darkness. It was one of the last weekends before starting junior year, and they were finishing it exactly how they had spent most of the summer. Jesse and Lottie sat on the opposite side of the fire, fluctuating between snappy remarks, kissing, exhausted eyerolls and laughter. Their back-and-forth had become the standard on nights like these, but Lizzy never usually paid mind to them. Not when Rudy was there.
That night at the gas station had been a turning point that started something between Lizzy and Rudy. In the following months, there were more frequent car drives and unhurried walks home, and phone calls that stretched on for hours, keeping their two-man movie club alive. The summer had only escalated this, their time unburdened by classes and other people and open to spend completely with each other - giving her feelings for him the space to grow even further. Rudy had carved out a place in Lizzy’s life, in her mind, her heart, and it wasn’t going anywhere. She hung onto his every word, memorised how the corner of his eyes crinkled when he smiled, the subtly playful way he leaned into jokes. It didn’t even matter to Lizzy what they were, regardless of Lottie’s comments on the lack of clarification. Lizzy was certain of her feelings, and she held onto hope that Rudy felt something at least nearly equivalent.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” Lizzy said softly as Rudy asked if she was warm enough, the check in being enough to send a buzz through Lizzy. But it fizzled out when she glanced in his direction, the firelight catching his profile, his expression. He was smiling, even joking along with Jesse, but there was something distant in his eyes. It paralleled the way in which his restless foot tapped against the ground and shoulders tensed. Lizzy had noticed this demeanour more and more over the summer, like a quiet storm gathering beneath a very fragile surface. Carefully, and seemingly casually, Lizzy slipped her hand under his, holding onto him the only way she knew how.
Jesse started telling the group some story, Lottie laughed along at each sentence, and Rudy let go of Lizzy’s hand, not looking her direction. It was subtle, nothing noticable to the others, but a pit formed in Lizzy’s stomach. It was an effort to keep her gaze on Jesse and Lottie, feigining investment in whatever they were talking about. She watched as her friend rested her head on her boyfriend’s shoulder. The ease in which she did so. As Rudy made some playful quip to Jesse, Lizzy laughed as she rested her head against his shoulder, in spite of her doubtful mind.
That’s when Rudy straightened up, prompting Lizzy to do the same and look over at him as he stood up. But his focus was on whatever Jesse had been saying, laughing in way that didn’t sound like him. It was as if Rudy could tell Lizzy was about to say something, because his attention suddenly switched back to her. The look on his face had her at a loss for words; the unnatural smile and hollow tone as he joked. “Rudy, are you…-” She started, but Rudy was walking away the instant he had finished talking.
Then just like that, Rudy was out of sight. Lizzy reluctantly turned back around, to face the unsuspecting couple and the dying fire. She was grateful for the darkness though, because her overwhelming feelings of concern, upset and confusion were hard not to convey in her expression. In that moment, Lizzy felt something shift; Rudy slipping away. And she had no idea how to stop it.
“Everything okay over there??” Lottie’s voice called across, as Jesse stood to work on the fire. It was a lighthearted ask, the kind that wasn’t anticipating whatever honest answer Lizzy could have given. “Y-Yeah, I just-” Her palms pressed against the log, pushing herself up, because, before she could even think about it, she was getting up. “I’m just gonna go over…” Lizzy vaguely said, gesturing in the direction that Rudy had walked away in. Lottie raised her eyebrows, and for a moment Lizzy thought she knew what was going on. Then she wolf-whistled, a wide smile creeping on her face. “Verrrry subtle, Lizzy,” She said, prompting Lizzy to turn her back to them and walk away. “Be careful!!!” Though Lizzy was cold, and crossed her arms as she walked in attempt to recify that, her face flushed red at Lottie’s words, at what they must be thinking was happening.
When out of their sight, Lizzy’s footsteps slowed as she had the time to contemplate what she was doing. Maybe she was incapable of taking a hint, and leaving him when he clearly wanted to be alone, and she needed to let him let her go. But there was something that kept her moving forward, pushed her regardless of her mind telling her otherwise. Fine, she might possibly be wrecking the last of her pride, but he was worth risking that.
“Rudy?” Lizzy said quietly, as found him stood, his back to her and head hung low. Her overthinking mind cleared as she took in the sight of Rudy, a sharp alertness surging through her.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹