{ New Years Party 2 / 1st January, 2006 / with Lizzy }
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New Year’s Eve started like most afternoons in the Maddox house, it was too bright and too loud. Nala claimed the bathroom since morning, hair in some rollers, nails painted and that faint hum of Kelly Clarkson drifting through the crack under the door. Rudy sat slouched at the kitchen counter, flicking the edge of a cereal box with one finger, pretending to read the comics section he wasn’t actually seeing. The house always felt smaller when she was getting ready for something, especially at this age when she pretended she was a grown up because in just a few months she’d be going to the same school Rudy was going to. Her energy bounced off the walls, half excitement, half nerves and it made him restless in a way he couldn’t name.
“Are you wearing that to the party?” Nala asked, suddenly appearing in the doorway. Her hair was done now, glitter dusted across her cheeks. Rudy glanced down at his hoodie. “Yeah. What, you think it’s too classy?” She rolled her eyes but smiled a little, leaning against the doorframe. “Lizzy’s gonna love it.” … That name hit him like static. He picked up the empty box and got up to throw it in the bin, but he bought himself a few seconds before answering. "Yeah, sure,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. And Nala noticed. She always noticed.
So she started talking about Lizzy again… how the two of them had been hanging out during the fall, how Lizzy was amazing, how she couldn’t wait to see her around school when she becomes a freshman. It was happening more and more lately. Somehow, someone Rudy was close with became his sister’s favorite person in the neighborhood. “She’s really nice, you know,” Nala said with a small shrug, pulling at the sleeve of her sparkly top. “Not like… fake nice. Just-” "Yeah, I know,” Rudy cut in, trying to hint that he was done with this conversation. And… that was the problem. Lizzy was Lizzy. Thoughtful, patient, soft-spoken… She showed up in his life like a warm light at the edge of a dark street and for months he let himself believe he deserved it. But lately, that light started feeling more like a spotlight.
Because what if she saw too much?
He looked up at the kitchen window, back turned to Nala but the words blurred into nothing. His jaw tightened. Every mention of her name made him feel heavier because Lizzy wasn’t the kind of girl you could halfway love and Rudy was terrified that halfway was all he was built for… Right now. “Are you even listening?” Nala asked, snapping him back. He blinked, turning to look at her. "Yeah. Sorry. You were saying something about…?” “That girl… From the diner,” she said slowly, arms folding across her chest. “You are hanging out with her, right?” Rudy froze for a fraction of a second, then forced an easy shrug. Look at little Nala, asking all these questions… "We just grab coffee sometimes, she works there. Chill spot to hang out after practice.” “Right.” She, of course, didn’t sound convinced and he didn’t blame her. It wasn’t like he and Tabitha were a thing, not even close. But there were late nights at the diner, sitting in the corner booth, the two of them talking about everything and nothing while she refilled his mug. It was… something different.
He didn’t pay attention to whether Tabs looked or didn’t look at him the way Lizzy did. If she did or didn’t ask if he was okay, didn’t try to fix whatever was broken in him. She simply laughed at his dumb jokes and that, right now, was easier. Nala’s voice broke through again. “Does Lizzy know you’ve been there every other night this week?” “Why… I don’t think I owe you or anyone an explanation-” Rudy almost snapped at his own sister but stopped himself from doing and saying anything stupid… instead he forced a soft smile, shoved his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and walked over to where Nala was standing. “You might be too sprakly,” he stated, looking down at her makeup and her new top. And yes, he was simply teasing her… anything just not to talk about his love life because Lizzy and him… They weren’t fine. Not really.
And they haven’t been for months. After summer something inside him shifted, every kiss after that felt a little heavier, every silence a little louder and Lizzy, she just couldn’t see it. Or didn’t want to, he couldn’t really tell.
Now it was New Year’s Eve and he could feel it sitting in his chest, that quiet, ugly truth that he was about to hurt the person who least deserved it but he had to do it. He had to.
“You gonna see her tonight?” Nala asked finally, breaking the silence again but Rudy didn’t reply, so she continued. “You should,” she said simply. “She’s been really good to you.” Once again he didn’t answer, he just nodded once, grabbed his jacket off the chair and mumbled something about heading out. The air outside was cold and sharp, the kind that made you feel more awake than you wanted to be. He shoved his hands into his pockets and started walking toward the party, trying not to think about how he’d left his heart somewhere in the kitchen, beating too fast.
By the time he steps into the house, the party is already thumping, alive in that way only a New Year’s Eve can be. Laughter everywhere, someone’s bad mixtape from the stereo and his name’s shouted before he even makes it through the doorway. “RUDY!” “Look who finally showed up!” He’s grinning before he means to. That old switch just flips on, the charm, the swagger, the warmth. It’s all muscle memory now. He claps someone’s shoulder, maybe Greg from his math class, maybe Tyler from the team… it doesn’t really matter. Everyone’s his best friend tonight. He hugs someone else too tight, the kind of hug that leaves glitter on his jacket. He steals a red cup from a stranger’s hand like it’s a magic trick and everyone laughs because that’s what Rudy does. Someone tosses him a pair of those cheap plastic glasses that say 2006 in silver sparkles. He catches them midair, grinning like he just won a prize. “Hell yeah,” he says, sliding them on sideways, then pushes them up to keep his hair from falling into his eyes. The plastic digs slightly into his temples, but he leaves them there, it’s part of the look now.
He’s laughing, leaning against the wall, beer in hand and the whole world is light and fast and spinning around him in a way that almost feels like joy. Almost. Because even while he’s grinning his eyes are scanning the room. He’s not sure what he’s looking for until he finds her.
Lizzy.
She’s over by the counter, busy with something, refilling cups maybe? Helping someone clean up the punch that spilled? Typical Lizzy, always the one who stays to fix things while everyone else breaks them. He watches her laugh at something someone says and his chest tightens. She doesn’t see him yet… and he’s grateful.
Rudy turns back toward the crowd, forces a laugh that feels heavy. Some guy he barely knows hands him a shot and he takes it without asking what it is. It burns all the way down, but that’s kind of the point. Isn’t it? He glances at the clock on the wall, 10:47. Just over an hour until midnight. His stomach sinks. He should’ve stayed home. Should’ve kept pretending to be tired and ignoring his feelings but he knows he shouldn’t so instead he takes another drink.
The party’s louder now. Music is blasting, kids are shouting, the floor is sticky beneath his sneakers. Someone starts singing off-key and Rudy joins in just to drown himself out. But his mind won’t shut up. Not tonight. Not with Lizzy in the same room and Tabitha’s perfume still clinging to his sleeve from last night at the diner. He tries to shake it off, grinning when someone trips over the rug. He throws an arm around a friend’s shoulder, poses for a photo, flicks the camera off right before the flash… Everyone’s laughing… Everyone loves him.
And yet his pulse won’t slow.
Every time he catches sight of Lizzy, something inside him twists. Because she’s too much… too kind, too bright, too good to be in love with a guy like him. He’s been telling himself that for months but tonight it finally feels real and she… And she just wouldn’t leave him alone.
He watches her from across the room, that familiar ache rising in his throat. He remembers her voice, soft and sure in his room last August… The way he froze, the way he didn’t know how to react. He gulps down another drink, this one bitter and flat. His vision fuzzes around the edges, and that’s better. Easier. So when someone offers him yet another shot, he doesn’t hesitate.
He drinks it.
He laughs louder.
He throws an arm around a girl he barely knows.
He lets the room spin.
He’s fine…he’s fine. Or at least that’s what he tells himself as his laughter starts to sound more like static in his ears, every sound a little too loud. The lights too bright. The floor tilts a little when he tries to move. Someone claps him on the back, someone else shoves another drink toward him and Rudy just grins through it. “You guys are iiiinsaaaaane,” he slurs, the words heavy on his tongue. He doesn’t even know what the joke was, but they’re laughing, so he laughs too loud and bright and meaningless until he sees her yet again. And before he knows it he is walking toward her… or is he? He wasn’t really sure what he was doing, the only thing he was sure in was that his balance gave out. It’s not graceful. His foot catches on the edge of the carpet, the room shifts and before he can catch himself, he’s on the floor. Just like that, Rudy Maddox, the life of the party, lying flat on his back and someone shouting “holy shit, Rudy’s down!”
The sound around him turns muffled, like it’s underwater. He blinks up at the ceiling, dizzy and half laughing, half groaning. He tries to push himself up but his hands don’t quite cooperate and then he hears her. “Hey… Rudy?” Her voice cuts through everything. Soft, concerned, too familiar. Too much. He doesn’t even have to look to know it’s her. That tone… gentle and steady, even when she’s unsure. He feels it before he sees her, that small shift in the air that always comes with her presence and his chest tightens. God, why is she here right now?
He forces his eyes open and there she is kneeling in front of him, her hand hovering just above his arm like she’s scared to touch him. There’s a ring of people around them now, all watching and he wants to disappear. “You okay?” she asks quietly before her gaze tried to find someone in the crowd… Jesse? Is that what she said? But he didn’t need help… He wants to say something clever, something to make her roll her eyes and laugh like she used to. But his mouth is dry, and his head’s pounding, and all that comes out is a breathy, “Yeah, I’m… fine, Lizzy. Chill.” He can hear the crowd murmuring around them as managed to get up on his own. Someone chuckles, someone whispers, but it’s all just noise. The only thing clear is her, the way she’s looking at him like she still sees the boy who used to walk her home after practice, the one who promised he’d never let her down. He laughs then… a little too loud, too sharp. “What are you, my babysitter now?” he says, his words slightly slurred. “You don’t have to-” But he stops himself because no… He wouldn’t talk to her like that in front of everyone. That was another thing she didn’t deserve. Instead he wipes his palms on his jeans, straightens and flashes that practiced grin, the one he’s been wearing all night like armor. “All good, see!?” He says, voice rough and the crowd laughs weakly but it didn’t seem like Lizzy does.
He looks at her again, and it’s like everything else fades, the laughter, the music, the stinging embarrassment of being that guy on the floor. For a second, she’s just… there. Looking at him with that expression that he didn’t quite get at this moment… “Seriously,” he adds, still forcing that lopsided grin, “I’ve survived worse than gravity.” The words slur together, his voice light but uneven. Someone nearby snorts, someone else claps him on the back again and people start walking away, going back to what they were doing and Rudy half turns to acknowledge it, but his eyes keep flicking back to Lizzy. She’s still there, hesitant, like she’s not sure if she should stay or walk away. He let his gaze rest on her for a second… two before he swayed a little on his feet attempting to go… Well, somewhere, away from her. “You can sta- Why are- are you not dancing?!? This a partyy, go dance.” He draws out the words, too long, too loud, like it’ll hide the shake in his chest. The grin he throws her way is pure performance, sooo easy, reckless charm that everyone eats up but his eyes, the faintest trace of panic flickering there, tell a different story.
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@novella
@Madilfill tabs mentioned