Shadow Creek: Before the Blacklist

[Kristi]

] ‎‧₊˚✧[Freshman year/sleepover at Charlotte’s]✧˚₊‧

P.e.r.f.e.c.t, Perfect. That was how Keir’s month was going, she had been quickly accepted into the cheerleading team along with all her friends; Lottie, Lizzy and Camilla, she really couldn’t be happier and she had just came back from her date with Samuel, life was really perfect.

And now.. she was at a sleepover at Lottie’s house. The basement was warm with candlelight, snacks were piled high, and music pulsed low from someone’s playlist, half drowsy, half glitter. They were in pajamas, sprawled on blankets like petals of a flower, all hair masks and lip gloss, the room filled with secrets waiting to be shared. Keir sat to the left of Charlotte, like she always did. There wasn’t a specific reason why she was always at the left, she simply was, after all Lottie was always center and Lizzy right, and that was fine. It was always fine.

“Truth or dare?” Charlotte asked as the bottle landed in front of Keir.

“Uhhhh.. Truth” Keir said as Ava braided her hair, no scrubs by tlc playing in the background.

Lottie frowned, “Boringggg, you always choose truth” She said with a pout, as the rest of the girls giggled and Keir flushed.

“I’ll choose dare next time” Keir promised.

“No you won’t.” Keir didn’t disagree, “But it’s fine, now what should I ask you hmm?” Charlotte placed a finger on her lips, as if she was in deep thoughts. Meanwhile, Keir recited the song that was playing in her head.

So, no, I don’t want your number

*No, I don’t want to give you mine. *
And no, I don’t want to meet you nowhere.
No, I don’t want none of your time

“Okay! I got it now.” Lottie finally spoke “Tell us something you’ve never told anyone.”

Keir frowned, leaning slightly as Ava tightened the braid near her scalp. “That sounds more like a dare.”

The girls broke into laughter. “Just do it,” Lottie giggled, tugging a fuzzy pink pillow into her lap. “We all have something.”

Keir bit her lip, heart flickering with nerves as she thought about it.

The obvious answer throbbed at the front of her mind—Samuel.

Lottie’s brother.
Her boyfriend.

It wasn’t a secret secret, not really. Just something unspoken, something soft and growing, like a secret garden no one had walked into yet. The other girls knew Keir had a boyfriend—she had mentioned she was seeing someone, let them see the smile that bloomed on her face when her phone buzzed—but none of them knew it was him. She wasn’t hiding him(after all he had met her parents and Isaac liked him), they were just private, and didn’t really care to tell the world. Thus, it shouldn’t be a problem for her to say that, but Keir hesitated. After all, it was no secret Samuel and Charlotte didn’t have the best of relationships, at least compared to her and Isaac, and she didn’t want to make things between her and Charlotte. Charlotte was one of her best friends, the reason Keir tried really hard to join the cheerleading team and got in and everyone loved Lottie, how could they not?

And after all, this moment wasn’t about that. This was about her friends. About glitter and sugar and the soft clink of nail polish bottles on a hardwood floor. Not about boyfriends. Lottie tended to be weird about boyfriends.

So she glanced up, smiled a little too long, and said, “Okay… um. When I was in 5th grade, I made myself sick for a week by drinking expired milk because I didn’t want to present my book report.” She hadn’t even told her pastor that.

The room erupted into giggles.

“Keir!” One of their other friends giggled.

“That’s actually disgusting.” Ava wrinkled her nose as she finished the braids.

Lottie gave her a strange look before rolling her eyes. “You are so boring,” Charlotte groaned theatrically, flopping back against the beanbag chair. “I know you wanted to say something else. I could see it on your face.”

Keir only shrugged, offering a sheepish smile. “Guilty.” Lottie nudged Keir’s leg with her foot and passed her a bag of skittles. “Whatever, I still love you.”

Keir smiled down at the rainbow-colored candies now sitting in her lap.
“Love you more.”

Keir leaned back into the pillows, her braid brushing her shoulder, and let herself breathe.
Maybe she’d tell Charlotte one day. When the time was right.

For now, things were still perfect.

Still safe.

Still hers.

A couple of more rounds, and finally the bottle landed on Charlotte. It was Ava’s turn to ask a question and Ava grinned, “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“Okay, Princess Lottie,” Ava teased, using the nickname they all gave Charlotte behind her back and to her face, though she never seemed to mind. “We dare you to tell us who your current crush is.”

Charlotte gave a tight-lipped smile, her head cocked slightly like she hadn’t decided whether to be amused or annoyed. “You guys are so obsessed with me.”

“Because you never say anything!” Ava shot back, throwing a popcorn kernel at her.

“That’s because I don’t have anything to say.” Lottie said, eyes wide, fingers to her chest like she was innocent of all crimes.

The room exploded again.

“Liar!”
“Fake!”
“Literally no one believes you.”

Charlotte groaned and leaned back against Keir dramatically, tossing her arm over her face like a starlet fainting. “Fine, fine, fine! Let me think.”

Keir watched her, eyes narrowed with amused suspicion. Lottie always had a crush. Lottie collected admirers like lip gloss tubes. But her actual feelings? That was harder to read.

Charlotte peeked from under her arm. “Okay. If I had to pick someone…”

Everyone leaned in. Even Lizzy sat upright.

Charlotte smiled sweetly and said, “Tom Welling”

The groans returned in full force.

“Lottie! Be serious!” Ava whined, throwing a stuffed unicorn at her.

Charlotte caught it effortlessly and shrugged, “He’s hot!”

“But it has to be, like a boy in our school.”

Charlotte sighed, finally relenting. “Okay, okay. Fine. Jesse.”

The room froze.

“Jesse?” One of the girls blinked. “Like football jesse?”

“Wait, that actually makes sense.”

“Eeeh! He’s so hot. Why are all the football dudes hot?”

“You two would be so cute together.”

Keir smiled, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Yeah. Totally.” Her voice came out soft, agreeable. Safe.

Charlotte beamed, almost like she’d been waiting for Keir to say that. “Right?” She reached out and plucked a purple Skittle from Keir’s lap, popping it into her mouth. “Maybe one day I’ll actually talk to him.”

Then, a pause.

Her voice dipped just a little softer, silkier, barely above the buzz of the next song loading on the playlist.

“Maybe one day we’ll all go on dates together… when I finally work up the courage. Especially me and you, Keir.”

The words lingered in the air like perfume.

Keir blinked, smile still frozen on her face. She didn’t say anything.

Didn’t have to.

She just smiled.

Soft. Perfect. Like always.

And then the music shifted—
A new song slid in from the speakers, bright and punchy.

Say My Name by Destiny’s Child faded out.
Fergie’s “Glamorous” started.

The mood changed instantly.

“If you ain’t got no money, take yo’ broke—”

A chorus of squeals erupted as the girls reached for invisible microphones, throwing their hands in the air and yelling out the lyrics.

---

mentioned:

@sunflowerjm - Samuel

@novella - Lizzy

@CerealKiller - Jesse

[raviola]

if I cleaned everything

June 11th, 2005 || Party with Beck

Camilla’s alarm blared at full volume, and she jolted in her sleep, then opened her eyes. She reached as far as she could to turn it off, and when she turned the black box slightly, the clock read 5pm.
There were tissues all in her bedsheets, over the floor. Her hair was a bit greasy, and she had been wearing the same pajamas for several days now. That’s how it had been every day, at least in the few weeks since school had been out.

Somehow she managed to get through the end of sophomore year. Many absences, but she was there some days, when her mom asked her to go. She tended to smoke her way through those.

They say you shouldn’t just give money to the homeless. Give them food or clothes, because money they’ll just use on drugs.
But Camilla gives them her change regardless.

Can you imagine it? Getting through one full day, no shelter, no job, no loved ones near you, sober.
That was what life felt like every day after Isaac’s death.

In a way, she was on the highway, crater-like eyebags, standing like the homeless do.
That was where she really was, since that’s where her body left her.

Lately, it felt like all she did was haunt. Like someone had scooped out all her organs, all her blood and let the remains walk around empty.
It made her lips pale, her body almost blue. She thought maybe it was because her systems were trying to emulate his. So they would not be so separate.
That way, the two of them could decompose together, only separated by a few feet of dirt.

She wouldn’t be going anywhere that night, if it weren’t for Beck. She told her that she was invited to a party, and wanting to help a friend, and kill two birds, she invited her too.
If someone was waiting for her, she knew she would not cancel at the last minute.
So she got in the shower, wincing at her own smell, and cried when the water hit her.

She had never felt so alone. Beck was grieving her dad, and Keir reminded her too much of him.
She lost Char long ago. Her mom didn’t actually care that much, her dad was cities away, and she did not want to expose her younger siblings to what she was going through. She figured maybe she should have been doing better by then, but she wasn’t.
A majority of the past two months, she spent high, or asleep, many hours at school.

But now it was summer and she was forced to see it, to comprehend her grief. She wished she could move past it, or just, somewhere else.

After her shower, and playing a movie while she did her makeup, the girl slipped into one of her party dresses, and laced up her chunky boots. She did a body check in the mirror before leaving. There was always something she hated about her physique, today it was that her thighs were too big, but it didn’t matter as much then. There were other, much louder voices in her head that muted all of the other ones out.

And on time, as she suspected, she received a text from Beck, leading her to head out.
“I’m here,” read the green text in her bag, lying next to a grinder and a plastic bag.

@Caticorn Beck

vibes

[novella]

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊ 5th January , 2005 First Day Back ₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

There was a moment, no more than a split second, where Rudy did not have an instant response to her as he usually did. It was brief, and quick in passing, but impossible for Lizzy to ignore. Had the sudden, unprecedented contact from her been too much? But then, Lizzy stood back, her shoulders lifting as if she was trying to stay humble, while internally sighing in relief, as he put on a faux surprise. ”Yeah you should probably get that checked out,” She advised, through a mock sympathetic wince, pointing- not touching- his ‘wounded’ arm. ”Or some ice, at the very least. Sometimes I just forget my own strength,” She told him with a shrug. ”I’m actually surprised my locker didn’t shatter when I slammed it shut.”

After a moment of thinking, Rudy told her that he might know one of the titles she had just listed off. In a way that told her she that he definitely didn’t know any of them. ”The most serious,” Lizzy insisted with honesty. Those named movies were just a fraction of her favourites collection, and one’s she could basically recite in their entirety by heart. Whether it be to live vicariously through the leading female of every great rom com, to rewatch and come back to an ending she can always rely on, or even to provide something stable and consistent in her life when she was moving between her parents houses. They weren’t just movies, they were escape routes. So, yes, serious to her - and possibly something too personal to be sharing already.

While Rudy told Lizzy he was already going the way she was, she was finding it harder to ignore his group of friends than he clearly was. More specifically, when Lizzy subtly glanced over, she couldn’t help notice them pointing in the opposite direction, presumably for him. ”Oh, you were?” Lizzy eventually responded to Rudy, deciding to pretend not to notice. ”That is such a coincidence,” She exclaimed as they began walking. Because despite her instincts to insist Rudy go the way he was supposed to be going, Lizzy’s growing want for him to stay outweighed that.

Besides, Rudy didn’t seem in any position to turn the other way with those beckoning him - and who knows how long that will last? Lizzy cleared her throat as he distracted her racing mind, going back to one of her mentioned movies. ”Yes, Rudy, indeed 27 Dresses,” She responded, with mock offence but genuine conviction. His confusion and unfamiliarity only fuelled her passionate tone further. ”As in the 27 bridesmaids dresses that Katherine Heigl had to wear for 27 different weddings. None of them hers, by the way, just all of her friend’s,” Lizzy explained. Okay, maybe talking about it out loud, Lizzy could really pick up on the similarities and her deeper ties to the storyline, and why she constantly came back to it. But she shook off that thought, now was not the time for that kind of introspection. Instead she just looked to Rudy expectantly, as if her vague description of the premise alone could have sold him. ”Romance movies are about way more than just kissing for two hours,” Lizzy defended in a small voice. ”But, yes. They are my thing. Okay, what’s yours then, if that’s not up to your standards?” She asked, looking over to him.

Then Rudy told her that he would try one of her mentioned movies, and Lizzy’s head perked up. He was going to go home, and watch something that she had recommended? Like, take an hour and a half out of his day, for something she had said? Thankfully, Rudy didn’t give her enough time to overreact, as he was already back to questioning the same movie from before. ”Okay, maybe don’t start with that one,” Lizzy told him, admittedly. ”Pick something like The Parent Trap, maybe. It’s less…” …. overly and embarrassingly reflective of her hopelessly romantic nature… “Intense. For an anti-romance viewer such as yourself.” Even then, Lizzy felt apprehensive at the thought of him watching it. As if she was inviting him to look into a part of her. It’s fine, he’ll probably forget about this by the time he got home. Or to his next class, even.

But then Rudy suggested adding Lizzy on something, like online, like as way to keep in contact outside of school. ”Yeah that sounds logical,” She stumbled out, despite nothing logical passing through her mind at the thought of them actually texting. ”Yeah. Because. Otherwise I won’t get your immediate thoughts and raw opinions on it. Maybe by the time you come into school the next day you would have forgotten. Yeah, it makes sense,” She continued, mainly telling herself this, that exchanging details was purely for practicality. ”So, what, like Facebook or…?” Lizzy asked, letting him decide the method of contact he thought was appropriate for this.

Lizzy almost flinched - almost - in surprise at Rudy’s arm that suddenly went around her shoulder. She managed to suppress that reflexive reaction to a simple widening of eyes. Even some people around them looked in their direction with a similar reaction. Notably Charlotte, who caught her eye and mouthed a discreet, but excited, What the fvck?? that Lizzy could only very subtly throw a confused expression her way in response. Nothing that Rudy noticed, though, who was proposing a movie club considering all they had talked about it. ”That does seem like the most natural next thing to do here,” She let out a small laugh, a combination of amusement and disbelief. ”Okay, if we’re establishing rules, then I have the first one - to stop judging movies by their titles,” Lizzy declared, followed by a ‘ahem’ sound in his direction at his prior rule-breaking.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

@astxrism

[novella]

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊ February, 2004 Charlotte’s Sleepover ₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Lizzy couldn’t believe what was happening. She was actually invited to Charlotte Blackwell’s sleepover. Where loads of other girls were going to be and she was going to be able to talk to them and hopefully even make friends. As far as freshman year had gone, this was certainly Lizzy’s biggest accomplishment to date. And it felt big. It felt like the turning point she had been hoping for, her chance to introduce herself to more people, to maybe even get into the cheerleading squad.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

The crazy thing was, it had happened when she’d least expected. At lunch that week, Lizzy had sat at the only chair available, that had been surrounded by unfamiliar guys and girls who seemed a lot older. The only person she had recognised was Charlottte, but she had been all the way on the other side of the table. But Lizzy had tried to embrace this unfamiliar environment, trying to follow the multiple conversations, and painfully trying to keep up with what-seemed-to-be inside jokes amongst the group. Lizzy was no stranger to optimistically placing herself in the middle of established friendship groups, trying her best to connect. Sure, she hadn’t been too lucky with it in the past, but it didn’t stop her from trying again - and this was no exception.

”Yeah but then I heard at that party, Sarah then kissed him. She’s a total slvt, I wouldn’t be surprised if she went home with him,” One of the girls - Lizzy had guessed Amy from context cues - shared over the table. Lizzy winced, only very slightly, as this was not the kind of conversation she would usually engage in. But she felt lost for any other choice. ”She definitely did, she was eyeing him up the whole time she was with Luke. So fake,” Another voice added. Lizzy watched the clock, suddenly wishing the time would speed up. ”I’m gonna need witnesses ‘cause this does not sound like Matt to me,” The guy sat next to her piped in, presumably a friend of the male subject in question.

Then, to Lizzy’s horror, he nudged her. Looked at her. Started talking to her. ”Outsider perspective - have you seen Sarah Maddens all over Matt Sadler in the corridor?” Lizzy gripped at the table, at a loss for words as she took in his question. Before she could even begin to think of an answer, an array of voices followed his question - ”Come on, look at her face, she totally has,” and ”Why the hell are you asking her, who cares?” and ”I mean, who can blame Sarah, Matt is hot. You would want to fvck him too, right freshman?”

But then another voice. A stabling, grounding voice, that silenced the flood of questions coming Lizzy’s way. ”Come on guys, this is a stupid conversation, no wonder Lizzy wouldn’t want to contribute to it,” Charlotte had said. Charlotte, as in, fellow freshman somehow managed to tame the group of what looked like to be juniors, to help Lizzy. It was impressive, the way she had managed to shut down the topic of conversation, but do so lightheartedly, in a way that seemed like a joke even. ”Or me for that matter. Actually, carry on, I need to go to the bathroom anyway,” She told them, raising to her feet, her eyes on Lizzy. ”Let’s go Lizzy, and relieve ourselves from this painful gossip,” Charlotte called out, triggering an echo of laughter as she directed them to an exit.

”Don’t worry about them,” Charlotte told Lizzy as she focused on the bathroom mirror, applying another layer of mascara while Lizzy stood awkwardly at the sink beside her. “They seem nice,” Lizzy shrugged, saying so with little conviction. Charlotte’s head turned abruptly, to face Lizzy. ”I’ll tell you a secret, I only really sit with them because Amy is the head cheerleader, and that’s where I’m trying to be,” She told her, her voice in a low whisper. As quick as she had turned to Lizzy, Charlotte swiped her head back to face the mirror, mascara wand returning to duty. ”So best for me to stay in her good books.”

Lizzy’s eyes widened at this revelation. No, it wasn’t anything scandalous or groundbreaking, but it was something that stuck with her. Charlotte Blackwell, commander of the corridor and queen of the social scene, maybe had a people pleasing streak in her? Just like Lizzy had? Maybe not on the same scale, Lizzy’s efforts yet to even get her on the cheerleading squad, and Charlotte didn’t need to have tact and determination in all her interactions like she did, but Lizzy still resonated with Charlotte for a moment. Something she never thought she would be able to do. ”I’m sure you wouldn’t need to do that to get head cheerleader,” Lizzy told her quietly, reassuringly, and above all, honestly. ”You’re, like, the best on the squad. Totally got it in the bag.”

”Thank you,” Charlotte started, a look of sincerity on her face. Then she held up her mascara, looking in Lizzy’s direction. “Want me to do yours?” She asked. Lizzy’s brows raised in surprise - and nervousness. She hadn’t dared to step into the world of makeup yet. Charlotte seemed to know what she was doing, so would probably be the best guidance, if she was offering. So Lizzy merely nodded, struggling to find the correct words when Charlotte was looking right at her. Once nodding, Charlotte leaned across, gently holding the side of Lizzy’s face with one hand, and brushing at her lashes with the other. ”You do prefer Lizzy, right?” Charlotte confirmed, taking Lizzy by surprise. ”Uh yeah, I don’t mind. But yeah, that’s what I- yeah,” She responded quietly, trying not to move her head to disrupt Charlotte’s process. ”Well I like to go by Lottie by my close friends. Lottie and Lizzy has a good ring to it, don’t you think?” She told her, maintaining precision with the mascara.

”Yeah, it really does,” Lizzy responded dazedly. Did Charlotte mean what Lizzy thinks she meant? Before Lizzy could continue, Charlotte spun her around to face the mirror, to see herself, to see Charlotte’s work. ”You should wear mascara more often, your lashes are so long, look how pretty they are,” She told her encouragingly. Lizzy clung onto a front piece of her hair, before making herself tuck it behind her ear, finding it hard to accept any compliment coming her way. “Thank you… Lottie,” Lizzy said, testing out the nickname through a small laugh that Charlotte joined in with. ”You’re welcome,” She told her, before an excited gasp slipped out. ”You should totally come to my sleepover this Saturday night. Loads of us will be there and you need to be one of them!” Lottie exclaimed, as she started slowly stepping out of the bathroom.

”I have to go, but you’re coming,” She insisted, before Lizzy had any chance to respond. ”I’ll Facebook you the details,” Lottie continued, leaning on the door, stepping into the exit space. ”See you later, Lizzy!”

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

So now here Lizzy was, duffel bag in hand, standing before the lavish Blackwell house, telling herself to chill out, reminding herself of her capabilities to interact with other people, that it was only a big deal if she made it a big deal - and she was making it a big deal. After many moments of standing at the front door, Lizzy eventually knocked, announcing her presence.

Lizzy could hear footsteps approaching the door, accelerating her nerves the closer they got, and moving so fast she couldn’t attempt to predict when the door would fling open. It did so suddenly, revealing Lottie’s face; mid-laugh from whatever joke had been shared amongst the group but excited at the sight of Lizzy. ”You made it!” She exclaimed, reaching for Lizzy’s arm and instantly pulling her into and around the house. ”I was starting to think you were too cool for us to show up,” She told her lightheartedly as she led her up the stairs. Lizzy’s eyes widened in worry - had her stress outside the door made her that late? ”Oh, I’m sorry, I tried to get here—“ ”Lizzy, I’m kidding,” She told her as they reached the top of the stairs, Lottie facing her to notice the panicked expression she had caused. ”The other girls just like to get here earlier,” She explained.

They stood at the closed door which, judging by the sound of giggling and whispering, led to Lottie’s room. Lottie must have noticed the nerves that hadn’t settled on Lizzy’s face, because she reached across, her hand resting on the side of Lizzy’s arm. ”Trust me, they’re as nice as they are punctual,” Lottie told her, in a tone that somehow managed to completely reassure Lizzy. ”I’ll introduce you to them all, don’t worry,” She continued in a lower voice, before nodding her head towards the door, “You ready?” Lottie checked. And with her reassurance, and Lizzy’s years of manifesting and preparing for a moment like this to arrive, Lizzy could convincingly tell her - ”Of course, yeah, I am.”

Lottie stayed true to her word, individually introducing Lizzy to Beck, Keir, Camilla, and Ava. Not that Lizzy needed a refresher, she had noticed each of them in classes at some point and knew their names prior. But she knew that probably wasn’t reciprocated, and so appreciated Lottie to be the middle man in the introductions. Soon enough, they were all spread across Lottie’s spacious bedroom, music filling the room as some sat on the floor, braiding each others hair, some sprawled across the bed trying on face masks, and Lizzy who sat amongst it all unsure of where to place herself just yet.

It was the game of truth or dare that brought all the girls together. While it made it easier for Lizzy to join in, it also brought on her nerves to think of what she could be asked or dared to do amongst these girls she had only now recently met. But she was the only one with those reservations, as Keir told them all a secret about making herself ill and Lottie shared who her crush was. Watching other conversations helped acclimatise Lizzy to the unfamiliar territory, seeing how they bounce off each other, express their love and are candid about their emotions. She laughed along with them, wondering- hoping - that at some point she would be as comfortable around them as they were for each other.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

@Kristi

@raviola

@Caticorn

[astxrism]

{ first day back / 5th January, 2005 / with Lizzy }

---

”Alright… So it’s not only 27 dresses but 27 bridesmaids dresses? That sound kind of like a punishment,“ Rudy’s his backpack slid down one shoulder and he adjusted it with a casual shrug, eyeing her like he was trying to imagine someone actually surviving that many weddings. ”Okay, but… are you telling me there’s, like… layers to this?“ He made a vague swirling motion with his fingers, like he was mixing air. ”Romance movies aren’t just… that? They are life lessons? Deep emotional journeys…?“ His tone was exaggeratedly thoughtful, but his eyes, warm and curious, made it clear he wasn’t actually making fun of her. When she turned the question on him, what his thing was, he threw his hands up in surrender. ”Oh, me? I’m a simple man, Lizzy,“ he said, smile widening. ”Give me some cars and I’m fine,“ He rolled his shoulders in a lazy shrug, his grin softening into something more casual as he tilted his head toward her. ”I’m kidding…mostly. I just like movies, any of them. If it’s good, it’s good, you can always tell, you know?“ He gestured loosely with his hand, the same hand that had just been doing little air explosions a minute ago. ”Doesn’t matter if it’s cars flying off ramps or…“ He squinted at her like he was searching for the right example. ”27 dresses. If it’s worth my time, I’ll know. Maybe The parent trap ends up being like that, huh?“ He nodded in a way to accepting her suggestion to start with that one.

He also nodded when she asked about Facebook. ”Yeah, that’s perfect for that,“ he said with an easy grin, rolling with it like it was the most casual decision in the world. There wasn’t even a pause, he just said it and kept walking, his attention drifting back to the hallway ahead. He wasn’t thinking much about it but it might’ve come across as if he was joking the whole time, that he didn’t mean it… However, that was not the case.

Rudy didn’t even seem to notice the little ripple they caused in the hallway the moment he places his arm over her shoulders but the second she declared her first rule, he let out a short laugh followed by a soft ‘ahem,’… dropping his arm almost immediately. Once again, it was just like the most natural thing he could do, the most natural movement when walking next to someone and you’re really getting into a conversation. You do that with all your friends… Right?
And he did not drop it in a bad way, more like he needed both hands free for whatever nonsense was about to come out of his mouth next.
He stepped just a touch ahead, walking backwards for a moment so he could look at her straight on, his grin wide.”Alright, alright… rule accepted,“ he said, holding his hands up like he was agreeing to a truce, his backpack strap sliding down one shoulder in the process. He hiked it back up with a shrug, his movements unhurried and fluid. Then he leaned back into their side by side pace, tilting his head to give her that sly little grin. ” Okay, but rule two: if I survive your whole romance movie initiation? You’re watching one of mine. Equal exchange, right?“ He continued, trying very hard to stop himself from reacting to his next suggestion, ”I’m thinking something… brutal. Explosions. Chaos. Maybe a helicopter or two falling out of the sky…“ He drew an imaginary explosion with his hands, a soft whoosh-pop sound leaving his lips before he chuckled, tilting his head toward her just to catch her reaction. And yes… Rudy was joking. Those are not really his movies. At least that wouldn’t be his top choice. He loved real movies. Deep. Emotional but… not exactly romance.

And then it hit him… he just might be the smarted person alive.. Or quite the opposite because it only hit him now. He slowed his step, thoughtful all of a sudden. ”Wait,“ he said, his brows furrowing just slightly. ”You could… Why don’t you just give me your number?“ Wouldn’t that be easier than having to open Facebook, see if she’s online, message her… This way she’s just one click away. I mean, why would it be weird to ask someone for their number when they officially formed a movie club? His hand went to pat the pocket of his jeans like he was sure his phone was there, only to come up empty. ”Ah, no.“ He muttered with a short laugh, tilting his head back like he couldn’t believe himself. ”It’s in my truck. Of course it is. Who am I, right? And it’s kind of embarrassing to say I don’t really know mine off the top of my head.“ Rudy slung his backpack around in front of him, walking slower now as he unzipped it on the move. He started rifling through with one hand, mumbling to himself, ” Alright… math homework… uh, granola bar wrapper… oh, this is…okay, not that… aha!“ He finally pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from the bottom and smoothed it against his thigh as they walked before glancing up at her with a soft smile. ”Emergency old school method,“ he said, handing her the paper, glancing at all the students slowly settling down while… his class was all the way on the other end of the hallway.

{ Lizzy’s movie / 9th January, 2005 }

The house was quiet for the first time in days. The kind of quiet that felt strange… almost suspicious after a week of clattering dishes, arguments and his sister’s music coming from under her bedroom door. Tonight, Rudy was in his room and the movie was playing on his old DVD player. His bedroom wasn’t neat, never was, but it had a certain organized chaos to it. Jacket tossed over his desk chair, a couple of converse kicked into a corner, a guitar leaning against the wall next to a stack of scribbled on mixtape CDs in their plastic cases. The only light came from a floor lamp and the TV screen, flashing soft yellows and blues. He was lying on his stomach first, chin propped up on his crossed arms, eyes locked on the screen. His feet kicked up in the air behind him in a lazy rhythm to The Parent Trap. After a while, he flipped onto his back with a sigh, hands crossed over his chest now, still staring at the TV upside down. He could never sit still for long… he’d reach over to grab a pretzel, toss it in the air and catch it in his mouth with an almost triumphant smirk or reach for the Coke can without taking his eyes off the screen.

Every few minutes he would mumble something half to himself, half like Lizzy was already there listening: ”Okay, there’s no way they will pull that switch… nope, no way…“ At one point, he rolled onto his side, propping his head up with his hand, letting his other arm dangle off the bed and lightly drum against the floorboards. However, about twenty minutes in he was leaning forward without realizing it, a pretzel dangling forgotten in his hand. When all the plotting started, he paused the movie dramatically and had that sudden, inexplicable need to tell Lizzy about his thoughts immediately. That’s when he remembered he had her number and… still didn’t text her. And it’s been what… 4 days? Boy’s been dealing with some things okay…

He grabbed and dragged his bag onto the bed and unzipped it, rummaging through like a raccoon. Out came everything except what he was looking for - that one little piece of paper he knew he threw in his bag but couldn’t find. Meanwhile, he powered up his laptop… there’s another way to go about it. He quickly typed in his Facebook login with one hand, the other absently shoving pretzels into his mouth. His knees bounced, restless, as he scrolled. Lizzy’s profile appeared almost instantly. Without hesitation he clicked add friend, his grin spreading. Then he flopped onto the bed fully and typed:

HEY : )
YOU THERE?

He waited… staring at the screen… swinging his foot in the air. Nothing. Then he typed again.

ok but seriously these kids are smart

When she still didn’t answer, he leaned his head back with a soft groan before twisting to dig in his backpack again. Pens spilled, a granola bar wrapper fluttered to the floor… Then finally a small paper slipped free from his notebook. ”There you are,“ he murmured, voice low, like he’d just found treasure. And… you know, maybe he did.
He grabbed his phone and typed in her number. The movie was paused on screen, Lindsay Lohan frozen mid smile while the room glowed in the soft TV light. Rudy leaned back, waiting for her to pick up while his heart was doing something… he coulnd’t really name.

“…Hello?”
Lizzy’s voice.

Rudy grinned instantly, big enough that it practically warmed the room. He sat up straighter, free hand running through his messy hair like he had to look good even though she couldn’t see him. ”HEY! It’s me,“ he said it in the most nonchalant way, no need to clarify who me is. ”Okay, first of all, I have so many thoughts right now,“ he said, words spilling fast. ”Second of all, you did not warn me that this is basically a horror movie for parents. These kids are masterminds!“

∘₊┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈₊∘

@novella

[Littlefeets]

October, 2000 - The beginning of everything

---

Sixth grade, middle school. It would be a big deal for anyone, but when everyone else already knows one another and has friends, it becomes far more intimidating. Especially when you’ve just moved halfway around the world, away from everything you know. For the twelve year old James Solace, starting at his new school was a terrifying thought.

“You’ll be fine, Jamie. Go, make some friends, and you can tell me all about it tonight. I love you.” He hugged his aunt tightly when she dropped him off at his new school. Even her reassurance didn’t make the day seem any less daunting. He had friends back in Australia. He was happy there. Why did his aunt’s job make her move to the states? Why couldn’t they have stayed? Nobody understood him here. He wasn’t good at talking to others. He never could seem to make his words come out right, and even when he thought he did, somehow it would be the wrong thing, so people would get upset when he hurt their feelings even if he didn’t mean to, or he wouldn’t realize he needed to say something different. How did he even have a chance at making new friends here?

“Class, we have a new student with us. This is James Solace. James, why don’t you tell the class a little about yourself.”

Jamie’s palms began to sweat, his heart was pounding, and as he stood in front of his new classmates and opened his mouth to speak, the words wouldn’t come. It was as though the part of his body that created his voice no longer existed. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t force any words out.

He looked at the teacher, and shook his head. He just wanted to sit down at his desk and wish that didn’t just happen. Nobody would want to be his friend now. He would just be the kid who got too scared to introduce himself to his classmates. He just couldn’t help it. Sometimes when he’s nervous, he just can’t make himself speak. It had been that way for as long as he could remember now. His aunt said it had been months before he spoke again after his parents died. Since then, when stress becomes too much, or anxiety, his ability to speak is the first to go. And moving halfway around the world and having to go to a new school is a lot of stress.

It was lunchtime when everything changed. A girl sat beside him, and all Jamie knew for certain was that she had the prettiest smile he had ever seen. “Hi, I’m Charlotte. You’re new here, right?”

Charlotte’s smile was infectious. Jamie couldn’t help but try to smile back, even if it seemed uncertain. He still felt as though his throat would rather close than to let words escape, so he opened the notebook he had with him and wrote, ”I’m James but everyone calls me Jamie. I just moved here.” He recognized the uncertain look on her face, the same as anyone else who saw him have to resort to writing for the first time. ”Talking is hard sometimes” he wrote with a shrug.

”Oh, I can work with that.”

”Really? Nobody else has even tried talking to me”

”Well Jamie, you don’t know me yet, but I think we’re going to be great friends.”

Two minutes and the brightest smile the world had ever seen. That’s all it took for him to be completely, utterly devoted to Charlotte Blackwell.

[astxrism]

{ forming the band / January, 2006 }

---

Rudy was sitting in the cafeteria, half sprawled over the table with a pen tucked behind his ear and a stack of notebook paper in front of him. Well… “contracts” if you wanted to get technical. They were mostly just doodles of guitars and stars but there were also lines for signatures and a big, messy OFFICIAL BAND MEMBER AGREEMENT written across the top in black marker. It took him all of second period to make this, flipping the paper over his knee while pretending to listen in class. He wasn’t kidding! He had no idea if this band was ever actually going to exist, but man, it sounded fun. The idea hit Rudy three nights ago, the way ideas always hit him… suddenly and for no real reason. He was in his room, sitting on the floor with his back against the edge of his bed, guitar in his arms. He wasn’t really playing anything, he was just letting his fingers stumble into chords while he hummed nonsense. He stopped midstrum, staring up at the ceiling and said out loud to absolutely no one, “I should start a band.” And Jesse was the first person he thought of, because Jesse was his childhood friend and Jesse, just like Rudy, knew a thing or two about music.

By lunch, Rudy was ready.

Looking out the window, he spotted Jesse across the field, sitting on the bleachers with Charlotte curled up against him, the two of them sharing a bag of chips like they had zero worries in the world. Rudy’s grin widened as he adjusted the messy stack of papers under his arm and took the bleacher steps two at a time.”Yo,“ he greeted, voice carrying through the field. He pointed a finger at Jesse in a dramatic “I choose you” motion, then immediately offered Charlotte a soft smile because his mom did, in fact, raise him to have some manners.”Hey there, Charlotte. Nice… uh, chip selection?“ He plopped down a few steps below them, dropping the papers in his lap and in a tone that sounded veeeery serious for Rudy, he said, ”Jesse… Bro. I need your help. I need you to sign something, immediately.“ Before Jesse could even respond, Rudy was already thrusting a paper toward him, balancing the stack on one knee. His free hand grabbed the pen out from behind his ear. ”You don’t need to read,“ Rudy said quickly, almost toooo urgent, like he was asking Jesse to hide a body instead of signing a dumb doodle sheet. ” In fact, I strongly recommend you don’t. Just sign… Trust me. This is a matter of… well, you don’t need to know what it’s a matter of. Just…“ He shook the paper slightly for emphasis. Jesse blinked at him, clearly suspicious… and Rudy whipped his head toward Charlotte for backup.

”Charlotte, please. Please tell him to sign my papers,“ Then, without missing a beat, Rudy popped up into a dramatic imitation of Charlotte’s voice, pitching it slightly higher and clasping his hands together in fake sincerity. ”Ohhh, Jesseee,“Rudy started, turning to his best friend with comical puppy eyes. ” Could you please sign Rudy’s papers? He’s so smart and funny and probably the best person you’ve ever met. And if you sign I’ll give you like… a million hugs.“ He dropped back onto the bleacher with a little bounce, grinning like an idiot, waiting for Jesse to crack. This time letting him grab the paper and possibly read what was on it.

So Rudy simply watched Jesse take the paper, his entire body basically vibrating with expectant energy. He leaned forward, chin slightly tilted up like he was waiting for a magic trick to land. His eyes were fixed on Jesse’s face, searching for that inevitable grin, that alright, dude, I’ll play along look. For a moment there was only the sound of Charlotte adjusting the chip bag before she broke the quiet, her voice laced with that soft? suspicious? tone only she could pull off. ”Where is Lizzy?“
Rudy’s grin faltered for a second. He blinked, turning his head toward Charlotte slowly, like he hadn’t heard her right. He just… looked at her. A second of stillness, his easy humor pausing as he met her eyes. And then he turned back to Jesse without saying a word, like the question had just dissolved into the air. His grin flicked back on, brighter than ever as he jabbed the paper with his finger. Rudy and The Untitled Band. Working name, subject to change if I think of something cooler by thursday.“

---

@CerealKiller join
@novella lizzy mentioned there for a sec

[novella]

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨ January 5th First Day Back ୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Lizzy nodded along as Rudy questioned whether these weddings were some kind of punishment. ”Hey, now you’re getting it,” She told him encouragingly. No, he may not have meant it in the way Lizzy viewed it, nor had he intended to actually be serious. But there was certainly something painfully punishing about the wedding attendee, Jane, always showing up for everyone and playing the supporting role in their love stories, while her own was left unwritten. ”Many layers to this,” She agreed, tilting her head, wondering if he was starting to pick up on the fact that these movies were more than just fluffy romance. To her, at least. ”Not just lessons of running through an airport in heels or stupidly slow dancing in the middle of the street,” Lizzy told him through a laugh, with self-awareness of how ridiculous they can be sometimes. ”Though I’m sure they are equally useful. But, yeah, I think it’s time you started giving romance movies credit where it’s due.”

”Well that works,” Lizzy started after Rudy explained and demonstrated his draw to movies with cars and destruction. ”I’m pretty sure the crossover of romance and car crashes is…” She attempted, but her tone became more unconvincing as she went on, ”… Okay, not that much. But there definitely should be more, big gap in the cinema for that kind of movie,” Lizzy suggested, trying to picture the combination of the two. As she had expected - and kind of hoped - Rudy then told her he was just kidding, that he just likes movies. ”Yeah, you don’t seem the type to have a specific genre,” She thought out loud. Then she winced as she recalled the first half an hour of the movie she had just recommended - ”The type to stay open-minded at the concept of long lost identical twins finding each other at a summer camp,” Lizzy told him, before holding her hands up in mock surrender, ”You just have to suspend disbelief for a second, okay?”

After agreeing to her first rule, Rudy then suggested a second - that she had to watch one of his movies. Okay, was Lizzy being completely crazy here or was he totally getting her to commit to more time spent together? Fine, it was probably definitely for fairness purposes, but can you blame her for looking into it slightly? ”I guess that would make us equal,” Lizzy agreed, nodding - though her agreeing face gradually falling as Rudy described a scene of brutal explosions, a fearful expression replacing it despite knowing he was joking. ”Okay well if you’re gonna go down that route can you at least start small? Maybe just one falling helicopter?” Lizzy asked through a wince.

Lizzy’s class was in sight, she could even start to see some people making their way in. She felt guilty at the sight of that, knowing that Rudy was supposed to be on the opposite side of the building right now. She took a step forward, aiming for an abrupt departure to let him get to his class somewhat on time. But Rudy stopped her, having a revelation that stopped Lizzy in her tracks. That they could exchange numbers. Her heart rate accelerated. ”Y-yeah sure,” She told him, her fingers tightly wrapped around the straps of her bag. Then Lizzy patiently watched as Rudy chaotically sifted through his things, looking for his phone, then instead for somewhere she can write down her number. She watched in awe as she caught a glimpse of the contents of his backpack - disorganised and cluttered - nothing like hers. And she loved it.

Eventually, Rudy found a piece of paper, just as the hallways began to empty from surrounding students piling into classes. They were both going to be late now. ”Perfect,” Lizzy exclaimed, her pen in hand as it had been through all the waiting. Writing down her number, Rudy told her how he would watch The Parent Trap tonight and call her about it. Lizzy’s eyebrows almost shot up in surprise at the thought of them actually calling. “Cool, that’s, uh, so cool,” Lizzy stuttered through as she walked backwards, stopping at the doorway of her class. ”I’ll see you soon then. Talk soon. Later. Okay, bye.” She finally stopped herself, before Rudy turned and started walking the opposite direction, just as she expected. Practically falling into her classroom, she met eyes with a few people sat at the front, who had unfortunately witnessed that shambles of a goodbye. Lizzy gave them a look of self-aware defeat, before taking her seat.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨ January 9th Rudy’s Call ୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Despite what he told her, Rudy never called her that evening. Lizzy waited up, prepared herself for what she was going to say, checked her phone and Facebook every half an hour - but no sign of Rudy. She had taken the hint during the next day, avoiding his gaze and picking conversation with anyone but him. Then the following days, that she still didn’t hear from him. Maybe he had just lost her number amongst all the other stuff that had been in his bag. Maybe he had never been that interested, and Lizzy had just read too far into everything that had happened. It had been too good to be true, she had told herself. Nothing that good would ever actually happen and last for someone like her.

Lizzy had been staying at her dad’s house over that week. An apartment of reduced decoration, plain white walls, and only basic furniture. Minimal, practical, and restricted - very representative of the owner. Lizzy’s room stuck out like a sore thumb, as did she in the apartment, with her walls filled with posters, fluffy carpets, and colourful bedsheets. Her room was positioned on the opposite end from both her dad’s bedroom and office. Conveniently placed out of the way for her dad, leaving him always safe from any disruption she may cause him.

This night in particular, Lizzy was in this isolated room, having hardly exchanged a word with her father. She’d convinced herself that whatever her budding relationship with Rudy had been was over, and tried her best not to think about it. It was good, really. Rudy truly seemed like the type of person that Lizzy could get really invested in. And so, it was a blessing in disguise that she was being made to cut it off from it early on - instead of sticking around and eventually getting more hurt further down the line.

Lizzy was just about to go to sleep when the sound of the phone ringing had made her jump. Groaning, she turned back on her light, forcing herself to get up and locate her phone.

”… Hello?”

”Hi Lizzy-Lou, it’s me,” It was her mom.

Lizzy let out a sigh, looking up to the ceiling. She was due back at hers in a matter of days, and didn’t usually hear from her when staying with her dad. It was generally never a good sign when she called mid-week. It was already hard enough not to worry about her when she stayed here, and what she might be getting up to when alone and surrounded by substances and people she probably should be, and so calling her in this time made it extremely difficult to disconnect from that. ”Hi, Mom. Are you okay?” She eventually asked, secretly dreading the answer.

”I was just wondering if you could bring a little something when you come to mine on Saturday,” The voice on the phone told her. ”I don’t even care what. Vodka, whiskey, gin… you choose.” Lizzy took a few steps across the room, which turned into a pacing.

After a moment to compose herself and control her reaction, Lizzy responded. ”But mom,” Lizzy said as she put on a smile, for no one in particular. Maybe herself. ”You were doing so well,” Lizzy told her patiently, encouragingly, with that same stupid hopeless optimism. She thought she had made progress with her mom, making a sobriety plan together and suggesting alternate outlets for her to use. For weeks, Lizzy hadn’t heard from her, and she thought this had been a good thing, that she was coping on her own. She should have known better.

”It’s not, it’s- I am, I just need… like a tiny bit,” Her mother slurred, forming a pit in Lizzy’s stomach at the familiarity of this situation, this conversation.

Lizzy looked out the window, as if some form of solution will be outside waiting for her. ”I’m not old enough to get anything” She said in a small voice - thankful of that being the case.

”Take something from your dads place. He won’t notice.”

”Mom.”

”It’s just one time, it will be fine.”

”Mom.”

”Come on, Elizabeth. You love your mom, right?” Her voice was an attempt at assertion, but outweighed by the shakiness. But it was still enough to hit Lizzy. ”Of course I do, I just -“ At the detection of her own voice faltering, Lizzy took a breath and looked around for an escape route. ”Uh, Dad’s calling me. I have to go,” She told her hurriedly before flipping her phone shut.

Lizzy let out the breath she had been holding in. Then many more short and fast breaths. None of which seeming capable of providing her sufficient air. She continued her steps around the room, passing her phone from one hand to the other, as she tried not to picture the sight on the other side of that call. Lizzy rubbed her forehead with the palm of her hand, contemplating going over there and checking if she was okay. With not much of a backup plan in the likely case that she was not. She felt stuck, and at a loss as to how she can help. And she hated that feeling.

Lizzy jumped at the sound of her phone ringing again. She gave herself no time to think about it, no time to contemplate avoiding the call. After the first ring, Lizzy picked up, mid pacing. Her panicked frustration was rising, and was obvious in the words she blurted out; ”Mom, please stop asking me to do thi——“

The voice on the other end stopped her in her tracks, her eyebrows shot up, and she almost dropped her phone in surprise. Because the voice was not the same as the frail, desperate woman it had been. Quite the opposite, and at the realisation, Lizzy wished she had dropped her phone. Wished it would smash into pieces and it would somehow take back that moment of frustration that Rudy had just witnessed. She closed her eyes in defeat and embarrassment. How is it that after days of waiting for his call that it would happen now, like this? ”Sorry, I- uh, thought you were someone else. Obviously,” Lizzy explained, her breath steadied as she sat at the edge of her bed.

Thankfully, Rudy did not go much into what it had been, as he seemed to be calling about something else. “What?” She said dazedly, as she tried to piece together what he was talking about. Horror movie. Mastermind kids. Parents. “Oh,” The Parent Trap. ”Oooh,” He was watching it as per her recommendation. Lizzy shot up, clinging on to this distraction, glad to have a conversation she was more than happy to engage in. ”Oh yeah, what part are you up to?” Lizzy asked, reaching for the movie from her DVD collection, sliding the disc into her player. ”And you totally should have seen it coming. Double Lindsay Lohan? Those kids were inevitably going to be geniuses.”

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

@astxrism

[astxrism]

{ Lizzy’s movie / 9th January, 2005 }

---

Rudy balanced the phone between his shoulder and ear, gesturing wildly with his free hand even though no one could see him, like it helped him get the words out. He leaned forward on his bed, elbow braced on his knee, while with his other hand he played with a litte half eaten pretzel. "No, seriously,“ he said, his voice bubbling over with excitement, grinning as if she could feel it through the line, "These kids are… okay, one of them just - wait.“ He paused, spinning halfway around to look at the frozen image on the tv. Lindsay Lohan, smirking, plotting. " Double Lindsays? They could take over the world. Why did no one warn me this was gonna make me afraid of 11 year old? Anyway, Meredith wants to send Hallie to boarding school.“ He laughed to himself, leaning over his bed to grab another pretzel just to give his hands something to do. He tossed it up and caught it in his mouth like a little victory, then fell back against his pillow, hair ruffling into an even bigger mess.

For a few seconds, he was all in on that easy, buzzing excitement but then, as he flopped to his side and propped his head on his arm, her voice replayed in his head. That sharp, panicked first word when she picked up. He let his arm drape off the side of the bed then, fingertips brushing the cool wooden floor as he rubbed the back of his neck. No, he noticed. He just… didn’t let himself react yet. He wanted to start with the fun part. "By the way,“ his voice dropped, he sounded almost careful. "I’m sorry I’m only calling now.“ His leg bounced absently against the mattress as he stared up at the ceiling where the faint light from the tb flickered shadows. "It’s just been… busy. Messy,“ He didn’t go into the details, he never did, but the weight in his tone was different now, a little more real than his usual easy humor. His thumb traced along the edge of his phone, picking at a tiny dent in the case."Did I call at a wrong time? I just wanted to make sure it’s okay I did?“

He let the pause hang for half a second, then almost instinctively shook his head at himself. Vulnerable wasn’t his default setting and he never stayed in it long so a quiet laugh slipped out. "I just had to share my commentary, even if I don’t have any real thoughts yet. Like… no reviews, zero smart insights but we will get there.“

---

@novella

[novella]

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨ January 9th Rudy’s Call ୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

All my ghosts are with me,
I know you feel them too

Lizzy knew the timestamp of the scene Rudy was describing, and so within minutes of playing the movie, she had already found the part he was up to. “Okay, I got it,” She told him. Hearing the echo of the same dialogue through the phone, she could tell they were synced up. Practically in the same room. ”Yeah, I always imagine for them to grow up and become some form of criminal masterminds. And definitely best friends with Kevin from Home Alone,” Lizzy shared as the movie played on, and she started to relax slightly, her shoulders untensing and breath back to a normal speed, the room no longer feeling as suffocating as it once had been. “Meredith never stood a chance against them, really,” Lizzy continued, as she tried to decipher the true source of comfort here - the movie, or Rudy.

For a while they watched the movie together, both making the occasional comment. Rudy’s apology had come abruptly in the middle of this, taking Lizzy by surprise. Her brows softened and she looked up to the ceiling as he addressed the delay in calling. “It’s okay,” She told him simply, suddenly feeling guilty at him feeling the need to apologise. She shook her head as she continued - ”This…- it wasn’t important. Not if you had other stuff on.” Not a complete lie. Not true regarding its importance to her, but he didn’t need to know that. ”I just hope that it’s all okay. That it isn’t bad messy,” Lizzy said - somewhere between a question and a statement. An invitation to answer and talk about it, as she could guess from his tone that it might have been bad, but only if he wanted to.

The moment of slight seriousness did not end there, as Rudy then vaguely questioned her about the start of the call. Lizzy faintly winced - disliking that she had accidentally given him reason to ask. ”No,” She said softly, but with conviction. She played with the ends of her ponytail as she tried to compose a better answer. ”It’s just- uh- that was just my mom. Asking me to pick some stuff up.” Lizzy explained, keeping it as brief as possible. ”Nothing out of the ordinary,” She said, more convincingly as that was the case. ”But no… trust that the interruption - and your commentary - is extremely welcomed,” She finalised, before exhaling quietly and wondering how that answer had been taken.

Eventually they returned to the movie, Rudy sharing his reactions and new thoughts while Lizzy compared them with her long-standing views and opinions. While initially it had been weird letting someone see this movie, that felt like such a personal part of her, Rudy made it seem so easy. ”I used to wish for a twin every time I watched this,” Lizzy shared as they reached the last half an hour, and she had settled under her duvet, fighting the urge to fall asleep. ”It always seemed like you would be unstoppable with one. I mean look at their scheming in getting their parents back together,” She exclaimed, before shaking her head to wake herself up more. ”You have a sister, right?” Right, Lizzy has seen so when they added each other on Facebook. ”So you’re probably the expert. Is it as good as I’m making it out to be?”

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

@astxrism

[astxrism]

{ Lizzy’s movie / 9th January, 2005 }

---

"Shut up!“ Rudy blurted out immediately, laughing out loud. "Not Kevin! How did you think of that?“ He sat up straighter, grinning so wide his cheeks hurt. "You’re brilliant.“ He whispered to himself with a laugh, the sound low and genuine, just loud enough for her to catch.
He flopped back against his pillow, switching to speakerphone so he could put his phone down on the bed next to him. "I can just imagine them running some black market prank empire.“ The thought seemed to light him up even more and he shook his head in disbelief, letting out an amused sigh. "I wish I could see that sequel. You just made the movie, like, ten times better in my head.“

Rudy shifted on his bed, one arm tucked behind his head. The phone sat on speaker beside him, her voice mingling with the movie’s and for a second he almost forgot they weren’t in the same place. She’d actually put the movie on too, he couldn’t even imagined she would do that. He just wanted to call, toss his thoughts at her, maybe make her laugh a bit. But this? It felt… different. Good.
So, yes, that didn’t help in making him feel less guilty for not calling her earlier. He just didn’t expect that would lead to her answer, her question - it wasn’t important… I just hope it isn’t bad messy.
For a second, Rudy’s leg stilled where it had been bouncing against the mattress. He let the silence stretch just long enough to hear the twins on screen talking. "No, nothing like… you know. End of the world messy,“ he said lightly, voice still easy but a little quieter. "Just… busy stuff. Home stuff. Gets loud sometimes.“ He stopped there, catching himself before he went further. He wasn’t the guy who unloaded all his problems on someone else. That wasn’t fun, that wasn’t him. And right now he wanted to keep this, this bubble of theirs exactly how it was. So almost immediately, he nudged the mood back up with yet another one of his stupid comments about someone in the movie.

And it stayed like that until the conversation eventually shifted to his sister. Lizzy’s last question pulled a softer smile out of him again, but he couldn’t miss his chance to tease her… just a little bit. "Sister?“ Rudy echoed, pretending to sound shocked. "Ooh, how do you know? Are you stalking me?“ He smirked to himself, rolling onto his back and tossing a pretzel into the air just to catch it, again. Yeah, he did have a bag or two of those. "Yeah, she’s… not my twin, though, so I can’t fully confirm if it’s as unstoppable as you think. I just know we can’t bring our parents back together so that says something,“ The words slipped out before he even registered them, and his voice trailed off into a little breathy laugh that was less about humor and more about covering the sudden weight he’d accidentally dropped. His gaze drifted to the corner of his room, where his door was, as if he was looking through it at his sister’s bedroom door. " I feel like if I did have a twin, we’d either be the coolest, most unstoppable duo… or we’d immediately get banned from, like, every family gathering. No in between.“ He let out a soft chuckle, tilting his head toward the phone on the pillow beside him. "She once got me grounded for, like, an entire weekend, so I dunno if that counts as teamwork… But… yeah. Usually it does feel like you’ve got a built in teammate.“

He paused, listening closely. "Hey! Are you falling asleep on me?“ He laughed to himself, rolling onto his stomach so he could prop his chin in his hand, phone next to him, gaze still on the screen of his tv now."Are we halfway in dreamland already? I’d say don’t fight it, that movie comfy bed is a deadly combo but you can’t do that to me now. Not when we still have… 15 minutes left?“ He chuckled under his breath, but it was gentler now, full of affection he didn’t even realize he was giving away. "And my commentary? Hello? That’s the best part.“ Rudy found himself wanting to keep her tethered there with him just a little longer. "Okay okay, listen. If you had a twin what’s the first thing you’d do? Gonna copy these two to bring your parents back together? World domination? What is it?“ His voice had a teasing tone it, playful and sincere all at once, completely unaware of her situation and the weight his words might carry.

---

@novella

[novella]

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨ January 9th Rudy’s Call ୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Lizzy’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at Rudy’s reaction to her mention of Kevin. She wasn’t used to sharing her stupid thoughts and theories about movies. Suddenly a thought she’d had a thousand times over felt new again - because she was sharing it with someone else for the first time. And being told she was brilliant for that idea. Lizzy smiled, widely and excitedly in the way she usually held back, as this time he couldn’t see her face. ”I don’t think any movie could do justice the power that Hallie, Annie and Kevin combined could have,” Lizzy said, her smile probably detectable through her voice. ”Plus Macaulay Culkin and Lindsay aren’t the same age. So probably for the best that it hasn’t gone to screens.”

Rudy was hesitant about expanding on what he meant by messy. Lizzy could see what it is, she could detect that avoidance a mile off because it was the same thing she did. So, as much as she wanted to express her open ear to him and help where she could, Lizzy understood it wasn’t something to be pushed. ”Well that’s something, the world spinning and not ending is good,” She said softly, attempting light-heartedness in the face of earnestness. ”I understand,” Lizzy told him, trying to put weight on those two words to emphasis how much she did get it. Maybe not in the same way, likely not, but at least to some extent. As much as Lizzy was curious to understand him more, and try to be there for him, she knew to leave it there. Rudy was already on his next joke, anyway.

At the mention of his sister, Rudy called her out for stalking him. Lizzy put her phone aside, so that she could use both hands to cover her face. She remained in that position for a moment as she figured out her explanation. Then, Lizzy put her phone on speaker so she could leave it at her side. ”I- uh, no, what?” She started, clearly not succeeding in her explaining. ”I mean I might have looked when you added me the other day. But it was literally your recent post!” Which was true, but wasn’t the only post she’d looked at. ”I was just being… you know, polite. Showing support to your new post. And observing at the same time.” Lizzy put her fist in her mouth, as it seemed to be the only thing that would stop her talking right now.

Thankfully Rudy moved on from the stalking matter, onto the actual point being his sister. Lizzy had been nodding along until his sudden comment about his parents, to which she tensed up, closing her eyes, feeling the pain that lay beneath the silence and then Rudy’s slight laugh. ”I’m sure there are many other amazing things you guys could accomplish together,” Lizzy said carefully, but genuinely, after letting the moment of silence. “I’m sorry, though,” She added after another while. Lizzy could guess that Rudy wasn’t aiming for that kind of sympathy when he said the comment, it seemed like an accident if anything. But she couldn’t help not say it.

Moving back to her original thought of having a twin, Lizzy laughed at the image he created of unstoppable or being banned. ”Those qualities sound very one and the same to me. And a very believable image,” She told him, a small smile crossing her face at him engaging with her silly thoughts about a movie again. ”Wait, she got you grounded?” Lizzy exclaimed, raising her eyebrows. ”That sounds a lot more like opposition than teamwork to me, Rudy. You’ve gotta get her back somehow,” Lizzy told him lightheartedly, appreciating the insight into sibling dynamics that felt foreign to her.

Lizzy hadn’t realised that she was falling asleep, until Rudy exclaimed as he noticed. She jumped slightly, which was probably his intention. ”What! Nooo,” Lizzy insisted, coming out slighly above a mutter, the kind of volume for someone who had just been woken up. ”I’m completely awake. As anyone lying in bed at… half midnight would be,” Lizzy told him, hiding her surprise at the time when she checked it. How long had it been? ”No, you’re right. Home stretch. And this has one of my favourite endings ever,” Lizzy expressed, sounding more awake. Marginally. ”And your commentary, it’s really giving me a new perspective of this whole movie. How could I miss it?”

Maybe in attempt to keep her awake and avoid missing his commentary, Rudy asked Lizzy a similar question about being a twin, and what she would aim to accomplish. Whether getting parents back together would be in those plans. Lizzy winced at the question, before reminding herself that he didn’t know much about her, didn’t know the truth in what he was asking. ”I have always believed that a hypothetical twin would be good to Parent Trap my parents,” Lizzy admitted. This is what the movie had given her, some alternate universe where families came together at the end. Something to hope for when she was younger, turned a comforting escape when she grew up. ”Or to help me keep them together in the first place,” She added, overly honest. Then it was her turn to let out a light laugh to lessen the weight of the answer. Definitely hadn’t been what he was expecting to hear when he asked. ”Then world domination,” Lizzy confirmed.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

@astxrism

[astxrism]

{ Lizzy’s movie / 9th January, 2005 }

---

Rudy didn’t answer right away, not in words at least. He let Lizzy’s voice linger, the weight behind I understand slipping through the line and settling somewhere in his chest. He didn’t expect her to say it like that, with that quiet conviction that made him feel… seen? Maybe a little too seen. He shifted on his bed, one hand brushing over his face, hiding the small smile he couldn’t quite suppress. It wasn’t the wide, easy grin he wore all the time, around everyone but the one that felt softer, like it belonged to a version of him he didn’t show much. For a second he was staring at the ceiling above him, letting her words circle in his head. She got it… Or at least she wanted to, and that meant something. He thought about saying thanks or yeah, I know, but it felt too heavy for the moment, too raw and Rudy was better at flipping things light before they ever got too close to the edge. So instead he let out a quiet breath that almost passed for a laugh. And in his own unspoken way he carried that acknowledgment forward, letting her ease him back into the movie, letting the next joke come easier because she’d given him that little bit of space to just… exist.

"Observing?“ he repeated, drawing the word out dramatically. " Wow, okay, so first I’m over here thinking, Oh cool Lizzy is my friend now, we share movies and life advice, and turns out I’m just part of some undercover study“ He rolled onto his stomach, kicking his feet up behind him in mock despair. He didn’t let her speak before he kept going, layering on the dramatics. "Were you also taking notes? Like, ‘Subject Rudy: Likes movies, probably evil children, owns… one…no wait, two hoodies.’ Gonna write a full research paper about me now? Should I send you more data? Blood type? Shoe size? My top five snacks?“ His voice dropped into a fake serious whisper. "For the record, the answer is pretzels. All five are pretzels. Wait, no sorry only four, gotta add a slushie there.“ Then, after a beat of silence, he couldn’t help but laugh, that warm, goofy laugh that always broke through his own theatrics. "Nah but really, polite, supportive, observing that’s the fanciest way anyone’s ever admitted to stalking my profile. I’m kind of honored, honestly.“

Moving back to the original talk of siblings, Rudy threw an arm over his eyes like he’d been mortally wounded. "Opposition?“ He groaned. " You’re telling me I was framed, Lizzy? Framed like a sad little picture on the wall? She ate the last PopTart, the last one and somehow I got grounded for ‘not sharing.’ Like, how does that even make sense?“ He peeked out from under his arm toward the phone like she could see the outrage on his face. "I’ve been plotting revenge for years. Maybe that’s what I’d use my twin for…just chaos until she admits she wronged me. But… nah.“ He drummed his fingers against his chest, grinning now despite his fake pain. "She’s… still my built in teammate.“ Rudy’s mind drifted to Nala, that little girl who could make him laugh harder than anyone else in the world. Through all the noise and all the chaos she’d always been there. The two of them against everything. Rudy turned his head toward the phone, a small, private smile flickering across his face. He joked about Pop Tarts and chaos, but the truth was he’d do anything for his sister. She was his teammate and his favorite person in the world, and she knew that.

Rudy stilled at Lizzy’s answer about having a twin. He didn’t say anything right away, letting her words hang there between the faint echoes of the movie. Keep them together in the first place. He caught the way she laughed after, that small deflection he knew a little too well. He didn’t need more details to piece it all together… divorced, separated, something that left her wishing for the kind of ending only movies gave? He recognized that kind of hope, the way it sits in you even after you’ve learned better. So he stayed quiet as the movie played on. He watched the twins on the screen beam at their parents, victory complete, while in the corner of his mind he wondered how many times Lizzy watched this exact ending hoping for something like it. When the credits began to roll Rudy exhaled before finally speaking. "Hey… can I ask you something?“ His tone was careful, not wanting to push but not wanting to pretend he hadn’t heard her either. "Did you ever… like, try? I mean, without a twin obviously. Or was it more just… a wish kind of thing?“

---

@novella

[astxrism]

{ troubles in class / January, 2006 }
maybe it all might make sense

∘₊┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈₊∘

Rudy told himself he was listening. He swore he was listening. His pen hovered over the lined page of his notebook, twirling slowly between his fingers. The word “Tea” was scrawled at the top of the page, underlined twice and then abandoned… forgotten in favor of a heroic stick figure battling a dragon in the margin.

Tick.
Clock.

Tap.
Pencil.

Click.
Shoes shifting against tile.

Every sound stacked on top of the next, pressing down on his chest like someone kept piling invisible bricks there. He tapped his sneaker against the floor, fast… faster…
The dragon had a sword now and sunglasses… Very intimidating. He wrote KING DRAGON above it in shaky letters. His brain kept looping back to the morning and how loud the house felt when he left, how every conversation lately with his sister felt like a tug of war. Like she wanted to grab his shoulders and shake him out of himself. Like he wasn’t trying, like he wasn’t already exhausted.

Tick.
Tap.
Click.

He swallowed, mouth dry, eyes on the clock. 10:41.
He leaned back in his chair, his head tilted slightly, watching the sunlight slice across the floor through the half open blinds. It painted these thin golden bars over the tiles, like the classroom was a cage and he was just some dumb daydreamer trapped in it. His knee bounced beneath the desk, restless energy spilling out. Somewhere, Ms. Callahan’s voice went on about whatever they were talking in class about. Something about tea and angry colonists? Rudy imagined the dragon staging a rebellion instead, stomping through Boston Harbor and roasting crates of earl grey with a single breath.

“Rudy?”
His head jerked up.
Oh no. Oh no.

Twenty pairs of eyes turned toward him. He froze like he’d been caught sneaking out of a crime scene. His brain clawed for any scrap of the last five minutes. His notes were zero help… they currently read:

DRAGON, BUT COOLER
maybe give him a lil crown

He forced a grin, blinking like that might conjure an answer from the air. "Uh…“ he said. Brilliant. Truly inspiring.
The buzzing in his head got so loud he couldn’t tell if he said anything or just opened his mouth like a fish. His hand cramped around his pen. The teacher said something else, the room moved on, and…

…

He was staring at the same clock. 10:55.
The worksheet was in front of him now. He didn’t remember getting it. Didn’t remember if he’d answered the question or if the whole class just silently agreed to move on. He hunched over his notebook like that would make him invisible, trying to catch up. Ms. Callahan was back to talking about whatever she was talking about. But as much as he tried to catch up he couldn’t help but scribbled a sword onto his dragon. Bigger this time.

∘₊┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈₊∘

The last of the chairs scraped against the floor as the final kid slipped out, leaving the classroom too quiet. Backpack half slouched off his shoulder, Rudy was ready to bolt - “Rudy? Can you stay a minute?” Ms. Callahan’s voice pulled him back, she was still at her desk, tapping her pen against a stack of papers. He froze halfway to the door and turned slowly, pointing at himself like there was any chance she meant another Rudy. "Me? Yeah… Famous local celebrity. How can I help you today?“ She finally looked up, eyebrows raised, the tiniest curve of a smile at the corner of her mouth. “Sit.” She said, gesturing to a front row desk. Rudy made a whole production out of dragging the chair out, the legs screeching dramatically across the floor. "This feels like an ambush, he muttered, flopping into the seat. "Should I call my lawyer?“ Ms. Callahan’s mouth twitched, but her tone stayed calm. “I just wanted to check in. You’ve seemed… a little off lately.”

Rudy pressed a hand to his chest, feigning scandal. “Me? Off? Nooo. I’m like a finely tuned… uh… jazz instrument. Maybe a triangle.”“ He made a tiny ding noise with his finger. “Rudy,” she said again, firmer this time. “I’m serious. I’m worried.” That word worried made something twist in his stomach. He tried to laugh it off, leaning back in his chair until it wobbled. "Oh, well, good news is I’m still alive, still causing minor chaos… ten out of ten on the breathing scale.“ Ms. Callahan sighed, folding her hands on the desk. “I know things haven’t been easy… since…” His laugh caught halfway out, gripped the edge of the chair with his hoodie sleeves, rocking forward again. "…Yeah. Uh. Yeah.“ The clock ticked loud in the quiet room. "I mean, I’ve been… busy. Life, you know? Just the usual circus.“ She studied him for a moment, like she could see all the words he wasn’t saying. “I hope the circus isn’t taking over too much.” He shifted in his chair, "…Eh. I juggle pretty well.“ He tried for a grin. Her expression softened slightly, though she stayed professional. “All right. Well, consider this your reminder that your essay was due today.”

Rudy blinked."Essay?“
“Yes, Rudy. The one that was due today.”
He squinted like he could magically pull the memory from thin air. "Ahhh. That essay. Of course. I… totally remembered. It’s… uh… in the works.“
“In the works?”
"It’s like a… concept piece right now. Very abstract.“ He leaned in, whispering conspiratorially. "Imagine… the idea of an essay. That’s basically what I’ve got.“ Ms. Callahan exhaled slowly, but a corner of her mouth curved up despite herself. “Rudy, have it on my desk by Monday. That’s your second chance.” He gave a dramatic salute. "Monday. Absolutely. It’ll be the essay to end all essays. You won’t even know what hit you.“
“I’d settle for it just existing,” she said, finally allowing a small smile. Rudy slung his bag back over his shoulder and headed for the door, tossing a lazy wave. "Then existing it shall be. Have a good one, Ms. C.“
“Take care, Rudy,” she said, and he could feel her eyes on him even as he disappeared into the hall, like she was still wondering if he really would.

[Caticorn]

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・ 2006 ・ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

Beck didn’t want this. She never wanted this. A new “dad” and a new “family” when her father had been in the ground for less than a year. Sure, she wanted her mom to be happy again, but this was too fast. Her mom had been too eager to leave the home where she and her brother had grown up.

“Where do you want me to put Tufei?” Devin asked, holding the pet carrier, inside of which was her pet dachshund.

“Put him down inside by the front door. I’ll let him out when I get inside.” She instructed while digging through her pouch of lip smackers, deciding which flavour she wanted to use. Tabitha, the daughter of the man her mom married, made a snarky comment and then went inside. Beck rolled her eyes and applied her chosen lip balm, entering the house to let her pet out of his carrier. The small dog danced excitedly when Beck knelt down in front of him and yipped when the latch on the carrier was lifted. He ran towards Beck and she scratched his ears.

“Bex, come help with the rest of the boxes.” Devin instructed, walking past his sister.

“Tufei, zuò xià.” The dog obeyed the command, sitting down at Beck’s feet. “Děng yī xià.” She added, making sure he wouldn’t follow her back outside when she rejoined her brother.

“I’m assuming this one’s yours.” He commented, holding a book covered in butterfly doodles. When she was packing, she’d decided that writing her name on boxes was boring and took a different approach to labelling her items.

“Maybe it’s yours and I just took the liberty of labelling it for you.” She chirped back, taking the box from him.

“Ha ha. Do you know which room you want?” He asked her, putting his hands in his pockets.

“That one.” She answered, pointing to the room with the big window, visible from the driveway. “Tufei loves sunbathing and the window in that room is perfect for that.”

As soon as she said that, Tabitha said something to her dad before taking off running into the house. It took Beck about five seconds to realize what she was doing and she handed her box back to her brother before taking off into the house behind the other girl.

This girl and her father had intruded into Beck’s life and she was not about to let her take another thing away. She got closer to the door, but unfortunately, so did Tabitha, confirming that they were after the same thing. Neither let up, even as they approached the door, and eventually they collided inside of the door frame.

“Seriously?” Beck complained, trying to force her way past her and into the room.

This wasn’t just about the room. It was about Beck regaining a small shred of control over her life. She had no control over who her mom married or when it happened. She pleaded with her mom to not force them to sell their house but she had no control over that either. She felt that the least she was owed was control over where she slept in this new hellscape.

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・ ʚїɞ ・ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

@Madilfill - Tabitha

Beck's dog commands

zuò xià = sit
Děng yī xià = stay

[novella]

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨ January 9th Rudy’s Call ୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Lizzy sighed as Rudy did not let her drop that poor excuse for looking at his profile. “It was,” She insisted, defending her use of the word ‘observing’. Lizzy leaned back into her bed as Rudy continued his undercover theory, her attention completely away from the movie now. Pretending she was some sort of secret agent, Rudy started listing off facts about himself. For a moment Lizzy was happy to play along with that accusation if it meant hearing more about him. She stayed quiet, with the silent hope that he would continue. “Ah, you got me,” She told him in mock surrender. “I’m new at this, so don’t judge my cover being blown so soon. Haven’t quite mastered the covertness of these operations,” Lizzy confessed, her tone an exaggerated embarrassment at the confession. “And, for the record, if you see a book on The Psychological Implications of Obsessive Pretzel Consumption in the next few months, I advise you just look away. Totally nothing to do with you,” She told him, almost convincingly. When Rudy then went back to the stalking allegation, Lizzy didn’t deny it that time.

“Wooow. Framed and then falsely sentenced,” Lizzy exclaimed, amusedly, even shaking her head slightly. While they were talking, Lizzy tried to make sure to give the occasional cursory glance to her screen, though she had seen it enough times to know what was happening if he were to pull something up. “If you need a lawyer in this case, trust that I would definitely represent you and make sure you got the justice - or Poptarts - you deserve here,” Lizzy reassured. “And I think that would be a completely appropriate and fitting use for a twin. Hallie and Annie would be proud,” She continued, before he took a moment to give kinder words for his sister. Rudy was quiet after that, and Lizzy gave him the time for his silent appreciation. After a beat, Lizzy said, “Yeah, I imagine it’s nice to have someone who’s always there,” She looked up at the ceiling in contemplation, as she thought out loud. “I think that might be why I wanted to join the cheerleading squad,” Lizzy shared, the possibility only dawning on her right now. “It comes with built-in teammates. Lottie, Keir, Beck… Like sisters.”

The answer Lizzy had given to having a twin was met with no response initially, to which she cringed from the other side of the phone. That had probably been way too much information. Idiot. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it as she knew she would probably make things worse. Instead, Lizzy swallowed her guilt at the oversharing and switched her attention to the last minutes of the movie. Honouring the comforting nature she had attached to it, disconnecting from her overthinking was made easier when she was watching this movie. By the time the credits were rolling, Lizzy had almost forgotten about it. That was until Rudy broke their silence, and Lizzy straightened up as he began to ask her a question. Their call felt a lot quieter now the movie was over. No background noise, just their voices. Fitting for the personal question he was about to ask.

“Uh, yeah,” Lizzy started, unsure of how to articulate an answer. Despite it being something that played on her mind her entire life, it had never been spoken out loud. “I tried, of course I did,” She said softly, thinking back to her persistent, determined, and eventually disappointed 10-year-old self. “Not hard enough, obviously,” Lizzy hesitated. She didn’t mind talking about it, but she was doubtful that Rudy actually wanted to hear the ins and outs of it all. But Rudy was staying quiet on the other end of the phone - maybe to give her the space to talk about it. “I used to, uh, try and host family meetings, make up some important announcement that had to be shared. I really just wanted them to get them to sit next to each other,” Lizzy told him, a light laugh coming out at the flawed logic of it. Then her eyebrows raised as another memory came through, “Oh, and I’d also write them notes with compliments. And sign it off as the other parent. You know, just some light forgery,” She continued, phrasing the anecdotes as jokes as much as possible, but realising how stupid it all sounded as she said it out loud. Lizzy closed her eyes, wondering why she had just said any of what she said. “Well I’d like to think I could have had better tactics now,” She said, though lightheartedly it was also a slight reflection of how much she wishes she had the chance to try again.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

@astxrism

[astxrism]

{ Lizzy’s movie / 9th January, 2005 }

---

"Framed and then falsely sentenced.“ Rudy repeated, nodding like he was giving testimony to some imaginary jury. "Finally! Someone on my side. Justice will be served, my good name restored and most importantly poptarts returned to their rightful owner.“ He threw an arm over his eyes dramatically, voice breaking like he was in a courtroom drama. "But… You never know what she might do. Catch me being framed again next year. I really might be in the same situation so prepare your defence, ma’am.“ He grinned, but the smile softened as her words about cheerleading settled in his head. Rudy leaned back against his pillow, the fake courtroom in his mind fading out. "Yeah…“ He said after a pause, his voice dipping lower. "Everyone deserves to have something like that.“ He rubbed the edge of his hoodie sleeve between his fingers, thinking of Nala and of the way having even one built in teammate could mean everything when the rest of the world felt… off. "Hope that cheerleading life is serving you well“ he added, a faint teasing tone creeping back in. "Yeah, not a team but sisterhood in sparkly uniforms. Honestly… I’m just jealous. Why can’t we have it like that? I could totally rock the glitter… Maybe do a somersault. Wear one of those giant bows with confidence.“ He paused, then continued with the cheesiest grin. "Actually… don’t let them know I said that. I’ve got a reputation to maintain.“

And that’s how his conversations usually went… light, deflecting, a little joke here and there. He could juggle words like that forever, never dropping one long enough for anyone to see what was underneath. It wasn’t bad… and it wasn’t even something he thought about much. It was just… easier. Comfortable.
But for some reason getting a little personal and honest felt comfortable in this moment as well.

So Rudy was quiet for a long second, his cheek squished against his pillow, thumb tracing absent shapes along the comforter. He could feel that part of himself, the one that usually jumped in with a joke itching to break the silence but for once he didn’t want to stomp on her words. When he finally spoke, his voice was softer, like he didn’t want to ruin whatever this moment was. " Wait… hold on. You forged… compliment notes?“ There was a pause… and then a laugh. "Like, ‘Hey, honey, your hair looks extra… uh… shiny today, love, totally your spouse?’ That’s… that’s amazing. You were basically a tiny con artist, Lindsay taught you well.“ He sat up a little, running a hand through his hair, trying to picture it - little Lizzy holding these family meetings like she was CEO of some hope foundation. The image was sweet and kind of heartbreaking in the same breath. "…I think kid you was pretty smart, actually.“ He said and the joking edge melted into something gentler. "Way better than I was… I was still eating dirt or… whatever. Definitely not running covert operations to fix my whole family.“ His voice trailed off a little at that, the humor catching somewhere in his chest. Because he didn’t have to fix his family. Not back then. Once upon a time, everything in his house felt perfect. He had the kind of life kids in movies had… there was nothing to fix. He almost said it but he couldn’t. Not now. It wasn’t the moment.

Instead, he flopped back onto his pillow and forced a smile into his voice. "Hall of fame effort, for real. But if you’re planning on a comeback tour, I think your new plan needs… uh… more light forgery plus disguises. Like fake mustaches, maybe trench coats… I’ll find you a fake twin.“ Rudy rolled onto his back again, his room almost too dark since the movie ended. His fingers toyed with the edge of his comforter, twisting and untwisting the threads. He wanted to say more… something real, maybe even thank her for sharing that piece of herself but the words kept getting lost. "I could get my sister to help but I’m afraid she could betray us halfway through. Frame me again… Boom, I’m arrested. You’ll have to visit me in prison and be like ‘your honor, I swear he was just trying to deliver forged love notes.’“ He chuckled quietly at his own joke, glancing at the clock… way past the hour he told himself he’d sleep and chewed on his bottom lip. He wanted to keep talking. He wanted to ask her what her favorite forged note had said or if she ever thought her plan almost worked. But he also didn’t want to seem mean or pushy. "Hey,“ he said softly, tilting his head like she could see it. "It’s getting late…I can hang up if you want. Or we can just… stay here for a bit?“

---

@novella

[Caticorn]

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・ June 11th, 2005 ・ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

Beck stared at herself in her mirror, barely able to recognize the girl in the reflection. Since the end of the school year, there hadn’t really been anything forcing Beck to keep herself together, and it showed in her appearance. Her skin was dull, and there were dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was wet, having been washed for the first time in a week. She was definitely not Beck Sinclair, the cheerleader or Beck Sinclair, the ballerina. She was Beck, the grieving daughter.

So what was she doing going to a party?

Well, misery loves company, and the end of Camilla’s sophomore year had been just as devastating as hers. Her mother had been nagging her to get out of the house, claiming that she’d read in some magazine that going about your life as if the death never happened was good for grief. Beck called bullsh*t on that. Dragging herself through school when all she wanted to do was lie in bed and cry only made her irritable when she got home. That was when she came up with the theory that her mom was using delusion to cope.

She hated to admit it but her mom kind of had a point. She did start to feel more like herself when she got dressed in something other than sweatpants and did her makeup, putting her hair in a half-up style once she was done. She picked a purse and shoes that went with her outfits before walking to the front door.

“Dev, I’m going out!” She called into the house. She didn’t know if her mom was home nor did she care. She just needed to make sure she had plausible deniability if she was questioned about leaving the house without permission.

When she arrived at the party, Beck weaved her way through the crowd as she searched for Camilla. She was trying to keep attention off of herself, but of course, people recognized her and she found herself playing pretend once again. Positioning herself near the drink table, she pulled out her phone and sent a text to the girl she was waiting for, letting her know that she had arrived. As she waited, she figured she might as well make herself a drink and began surveying the table for options.

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・ ʚїɞ ・ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

@raviola - Camilla

outfit vibes

[astxrism]

{ after school activity / April, 2005 }

---

Rudy pushed through the double doors to the auditorium with his shoulder, because his hands were definitely not free. One was holding a plastic grocery bag of snacks while the other was balancing a ridiculous stack of sodas against his chest. He froze in the doorway like a hero entering the stage for his big debut, chin tilted up, eyes scanning the room. A single sunbeam cut across the theater through a high window, catching dust in the air and Rudy took it in for dramatic effect to grin like he owned the place and very loudly exclaim, ” ATTENTION, CITIZENS OF THEATERLAND! Your noble snack king has ARRIVED!” He announced struggling to lift the snack bag high while also balancing sodas. Half the kids laughed and the other half groaned in that fond why do we tolerate you way as they got up from the floor where they were sprawled out, scripts in hand. “Golden retriever!” Parker yelled, rushing to Rudy to help him with all the stuff. They walked to the first row of seats and when they reached it Rudy let the soda pyramid crash softly onto a chair with a heavy sigh of relief. ”Behold! Offerings for my people!“ He dug into the bag like a magician pulling rabbits out of a hat. ”Granola bars! Gummy worms! A single orange, for vitamin purposes…“ Without warning, he tossed the orange toward Sam with all the confidence he got and nearly clocked him in the head. “DUDE!” Sam yelped, ducking just in time. The orange hit the back of a chair and rolled to a tragic… lonely stop. ”Whoa…reflexes! Nice!“ Rudy grinned, completely unbothered, then shot him a wink like this was part of some trust exercise. ”You passed the test,“ he then added, not hearing what Sam responded because he was already busy pulling out the last box. ”And, of course…“ He held up a box of pop tarts to the light like it was the holy grail. ”Dibs!“ Lacey squealed from the stage, hopping down to grab them and tearing the box open as soon as she did. With that, Rudy flopped into the front row seat, legs immediately hooking over the chair in front of him like he owned the whole row. His foot started bouncing and he tore open a pack of gummy worms with his teeth.

---

Rehearsal picked up again as the theater kids returned to the stage. Rudy leaned back, his hoodie hood half up, one arm dangling over the seat as he chewed a gummy worm like he was tasting fine wine.
He loved this.
The way they could yell, cry, collapse into someone’s arms… all fake, of course… but real in the way they threw themselves into it. Like they could shed themselves for a while. He envied it quietly, the way they could disappear into other people’s lives and leave their own behind. His sneaker tapped against the chair in front of him.The sound felt like it kept him there, somewhere between watching and wanting to step inside that little world. ”Hey, Rudy.“ Lacey’s voice broke through his focus again. She was leaning against the stage’s edge now, cheeks flushed from laughing at something Parker had said. ”Hmm?“ He tilted his head toward her, gummy worm hanging out of his mouth like a cartoon dog. ”Thanks for the snacks, that was so cute,“ she said, grinning. Rudy simply blinked.”Yeah, of course,“ he gave a thumbs up then immediately pointed toward Kyle. ”Yo, that fake sword fight is SICK. Try a backflip next time!“ Lacey looked like she wanted to say more… but Rudy was already moving to the next seat to better see Kyle trip over a prop chair.

---

Eventually break time rolled around. Half the kids scattered to grab water, others flopped dramatically on the floor of the stage like they’d just finished a marathon. Lacey was sitting cross legged on the stage, script in her lap, twirling a strand of her auburn hair around one finger while Rudy sat at the edge, legs dangling. She tilted her head up toward him, a half smile playing on her lips. ”You know…” she said, her voice casual but just loud enough for it to carry in the theater, ”if we ever need an understudy for the prince, I think we found our guy.” Rudy blinked down at her, eyebrows lifting like she’d just suggested he perform brain surgery. ”Me? Oh, no, no, no. I’m like… a background tree. Or maybe a rock. A very convincing rock, though. Award winning rock performance, I promise.“ He knocked on his own head lightly for emphasis. Lacey laughed, biting her lip as she flipped a page in her script. ”I don’t know, Rudy… You’ve got the face for the spotlight.” He leaned back on his hands, grinning. ”What, like… spotlight as in ‘blinding my eyes so I trip and fall into the orchestra pit’? I’d crush that role.“ He tilted his head toward her and whispered, like sharing a deep secret, ”Plus, I hear the orchestra pit is super comfy. Five stars. Would recommend.“

From a few rows up, two of the theater girls Maya and Jules were slouched across the seats, kicking their feet against the chairs in front of them. They exchanged looks and stifled giggles. Maya nudged Jules, trying not to laugh too loudly. “She is hilarious.” Jules smirked. “I told you, Lacey has the hopeless crush of the century. She’d probably serenade him if he asked.”
“Does he seriously not get it?” Maya whispered behind her hand.“He never does,” Jules muttered back, shaking her head in disbelief. “I swear, he’s like… a golden retriever in human form. Totally oblivious.” “Or he’s pretending not to,” Maya added, watching Rudy lean over to inspect Lacey’s script upside down like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Rudy squinted, then jabbed a finger toward a highlighted line. ”Ooooh, dramatic gasp here, right? You should really sell it. Like…” He sat up straight and clutched his chest with a strangled wheeze, staggering to the side before collapsing onto the stage with an exaggerated groan. Lacey burst out laughing, almost dropping her script. ”You are ridiculous," she said, though her eyes lingered on him a little longer than they should have. ”Ridiculously talented rock," he corrected, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling. ”Seriously, the stage is missing a solid boulder character. I could just… vibe here." From the back of the theater, Sam called out, ”Hey, if he’s a boulder, can we use him as a prop in act two?”

”Only if I get snacks delivered," Rudy said, propping himself up on his elbows, his grin easy and bright. ”Union rules. Golden retriever rock gets paid in fruit snacks and applause." Theater kids shook their heads, already used to Rudy’s chaotic orbit. But even as he joked, leaning back to balance on his hands with his sneakers knocking lightly against the stage, he caught Lacey looking at him. He didn’t call attention to it. He just smiled, soft and fleeting, then launched into a conversation with Sam about whether they could build a fake boulder costume for him to wear next rehearsal.

"I’ve heard he’s dating… you know,” Maya began, casting a quick glance toward Rudy. Jules leaned in, eyes wide. “That one…Charlotte’s friend, right?” Maya nodded, biting her lip to keep from laughing. "Yeah, that one. I mean, I never see them together, but people say they’re like… lowkey ‘thing-ing.’” Jules snorted softly, smirking. “But Lacey… The way she tries to act casual around him? It’s painfully obvious. Like that time she ‘accidentally’ bumped into him twice in one hallway.” Maya rolled her eyes. "And the way she giggles every time he says something dumb? Like… girl… he’s just being Rudy.” Jules lowered her voice even more. “I heard she was totally crushed when someone mentioned… that girl.” Maya’s raised an eyebrow, grinning. Ooooh, yeah… her face must’ve been priceless… Do you think he knows?”
" He definitely knows." Jules sighed dramatically. "But he’s being good,” Maya added, watching as Rudy leaned back, tossing a gummy worm straight into the air and catching it with his mouth. "He’s not leading her on.” “Which is more than I can say for most guys.” "He’s weirdly wholesome,” Maya said. “Like, infuriatingly so.” "And that,” Jules replied, opening a granola bar, "is why literally every girl in this room has had a phase.” Maya smirked. "Even you?” Jules shrugged, grinning. "Hey. I’m not made of stone.”

They both watched as Rudy flopped onto the floor one more time, sighing dramatically like it took every ounce of strength to keep being this chaotic. “Someone bring me juice. I’m perishing.” “Coming, Your Majesty,” Parker called, already tossing him a juice pouch like it was routine.
And somewhere in all that noise… the jokes… the scent of dusty curtains, Rudy looked right at home. A little chaotic. A little clueless… But whole and still holding onto something quieter, beneath all the noise.

---

@sunflowerjm sam mentioned there for a sec
@novella lizzy as well

[astxrism]

{ sister’s dance competition / eight years ago }
a little ed sheeran never hurt no one

---

The living room looked like a glitter bomb had gone off.
There were bobby pins on the couch, a half open jar of hair gel on the coffee table and Nala’s pink ballet bag tipped over so its content had spilled across the rug. Their mom moved through that chaos gracefully, as she always did, right now one hand gently brushing Nala’s hair into a bun. “Rudy, grab your sister’s cardigan, the white one,” she said without glancing up. “And make sure it’s not inside-out this time.” Rudy, leaning in the doorway, looked at his mother like she just accused him of a crime. “I only did that once,” he protested. “Twice,” Nala corrected immediately, grinning in the mirror. He groaned in theatrical defeat but pushed off the doorframe anyway. At ten he perfected the art of acting put-upon while secretly liking the job. He knew exactly where the cardigan was… draped over the back of the kitchen chair, still warm from the dryer. He grabbed it and held it out and his mom smiled with her eyes in that way she did when she wanted to say thanks without breaking her rhythm.

Nala squirmed under her mom’s hands. “It’s toooo tight,” she complained, even though Rudy knew she liked the bun! She always checked herself in the mirror afterward as if she was a princess in a fairy tale. “Not too tight,” their mom said softly, tucking the last stray hair in place. “Just strong enough to hold you together when you’re on stage.” Then she looked at Rudy in the mirror. “That goes for you, too.” He didn’t understand exactly what she meant back then, but the words stuck. Strong enough to hold you together. It felt like a secret instruction, one meant just for him.

They ate toast at the kitchen counter, Nala with jam smeared across her cheek, Rudy dunking his in tea because he thought it made him seem older. Their mom was still wearing her own dance jacket from her studio, the logo faded from years of washes. She sipped her coffee and went over the lineup in her head: Nala’s group was one of the youngest, six tiny dancers in identical white tutus. Rudy had heard their routine music soooo many times in practice that he could hum it in his sleep. On the drive to the competition, Nala talked about how she and her friend Emily promised to bow at exactly the same time. Their mom laughed, eyes flicking between the road and the rearview mirror, catching Rudy watching them both. He didn’t realize until years later how often she looked that way… checking that they were okay, keeping them both in her line of sight.

---

Backstage was its own little world. Costumes and ribbons everywhere, that faint squeak of shoes on the floor, moms crouched low to tie shoes and whisper encouragement. Rudy stuck close to Nala, partly because his mom told him to and partly because he wanted to. She was the smallest in her group, her tights already wrinkling at the knees, holding Rudy’s hand like she wasn’t sure if she wanted him to stay or go. “I’ll be right here,” he told her, crouching down so they were eye to eye. “You do the dance, I’ll do the clapping. We’re a team.” She grinned at that, a tiny gap in her teeth showing and his mom, passing by with another little dancer’s ribbon in hand, paused just long enough to touch his shoulder. When it was their group’s turn, Rudy stood in the wings, fingers hooked into the pocket of his hoodie, shifting his weight from foot to foot. The music started and the six of them walked out like they’d rehearsed tho Nala’s head kept darting toward the side of the stage where she knew Rudy was. He gave her a big, goofy thumbs up and her face brightened instantly.

It was a short routine, some spins, skips, and tiny jumps but Rudy clapped like they’d just won the Olympics. Nala and her friends bowed, a little crooked and rushed off the stage, all breathless laughter and high pitched voices. She ran straight to Rudy, barreling into him hard enough to knock him back a step. “You saw me!” she said, as if there had been any chance he hadn’t. “Course I saw you,” he replied. “You were the tornado of awesome.” Their mom came by soon after, gathering Nala into her arms first, pressing her nose into her hair the way she always did after performances. Then she looked at Rudy, not just at him, but into him and said, “Thank you for keeping her steady, my superstar.”

---

Years later, after she was gone, that sentence would come back to him more often than he wanted. He would think about the cardigan warm from the dryer, about tying Nala’s shoes in a hallway that smelled faintly of hairspray, about the feel of his mom’s hand on his shoulder in the middle of a crowd. Those tiny, ordinary things carried more weight than he understood then. But that night, ten-year-old Rudy didn’t think about any of that. He just walked out of the competition hall with his mom on one side, his sister on the other and the small satisfaction of knowing he’d done his job.

Strong enough to hold her together.
Strong enough to hold them both together.

{ Nala starts ballet again / September 2006 }

The old ballet studio looked exactly the same in the brochure Nala had left on the kitchen counter, soft pink walls, barre mirrors that went floor to ceiling, smiling kids in buns… Rudy stared at it for a while before saying anything, because Nala didn’t danced since… well. Since everything changed. But now… here they were. Saturday morning, windows rolled down in his truck. Rudy was doing his absolute best not to turn this into some emotional breakdown which meant blasting music. “Okay,” he said, glancing at Nala with an exaggerated level of seriousness. “Do we go with power ballad or a banger?” “Neither,” Nala said flatly from the passenger seat, twisting her hair into a messy knot. Rudy gasped like she just told him she hated puppies. “Neither? Excuse me? There is no ‘neither’ in this truck.” Before she could argue, the speakers erupted with a ridiculous early 2000s pop song. Rudy pounded the steering wheel in fake drum solos, bobbing his head. “C’mon,” he said over the music, pointing at her. “This is a sing along. Don’t embarrass us.” “I’m not singing,” she muttered but she was already smirking. “Oh, you’re singing. You think you’re too cool? You’re not…” He cranked the volume and belted out the chorus, eyes darting between the road and her face until she cracked. By the second chorus, she was half laughing, half singing along, rolling her eyes so hard it was a miracle she didn’t sprain something.

They kept it up until they pulled into the studio parking lot. The building looked the same as it did the last time Rudy stood outside it… except for his mom’s voice. Rudy leaned his arm on the steering wheel, glancing at Nala as she stared at the entrance. Her shoulders were up by her ears like she was bracing for… something. He swallowed, felt the words bubbling up before he could stop them. “She’d be proud, you know,” he said quietly. Nala didn’t look at him right away, just kept watching the glass door. “She’d want you to do this,” he added, softer still. For a second he thought she might cry, but instead she just took a deep breath and turned to him with a small smile. “Yeah,” she said. “I know.” “Cool,” he said quickly, before the air got too heavy. “Now go in there and show them the tornado of awesome is back.”

She laughed, unbuckling her seat belt. He hesitated before she opened the door. “You want me to come in with you? I could… you know… scope it out, make sure no one’s shady.” Her nose wrinkled instantly. “Ew. No. I’m not five, Rudy.” “Rude,” he said, hand to his chest. “You wound me. I am excellent company.” “Stay in the truck,” she ordered, but there was no bite in it. She hopped out, slinging her dance bag over her shoulder. Rudy watched her walk toward the door, her steps small at first, then more certain. Just before she went inside she glanced back at him. He gave her a thumbs-up… for the good old times. And Rudy told her he would leave and come back in an hour… Made it sound casual, something about grabbing food, maybe swinging by the hardware store for a part he didn’t even need. But when she disappeared through the glass door, he didn’t start the engine… He just sat there. The music was off now, his hands rested on the steering wheel, but he wasn’t gripping it… He was staring at it, not really seeing it.

His elbow slid up to the door frame, fingers covering his mouth. That way no one could read his face if they happened to walk by. Not that… anyone was looking. He stared blankly out the windshield, not moving, letting the memories creep in whether he wanted them or not… the smell of hairspray, the clack of his mom’s dance shoes on the studio floor, her laugh in the lobby… It was the same building. Same door. Same light spilling through the windows. She just… wasn’t in it anymore. Rudy let out a slow breath and pushed the heel of his hand into his eye until it hurt. He told himself to quit it, to be normal, to not sit here like some sad movie character. But the truth was, he knew he was never going to “get over” it. Before he could talk himself out of it, he got out of the truck and walked across the lot. At first he just stood there, staring at the entrance. He imagined walking in, imagined the hallway that led to the big practice room, the racks of costumes, the board where his mom used to pin notes for her students. His chest got tight. He put his hand on the door handle…
And then let go.
Couldn’t do it.

He went back to the truck and leaned against the hood for a minute, looking at nothing, then climbed back in. This time he started the engine, but didn’t drive anywhere. Just sat there with the radio low, letting the minutes pass until he saw her again. When Nala finally came out, her hair damp and her cheeks flushed, she was smiling. Really smiling. Rudy straightened in his seat, put on an exaggerated grin and rolled the window down.

“Look at you,” he called, “ballerina 2.0!” She rolled her eyes, but the smile didn’t falter. “Shut up,” she said, climbing in. Rudy didn’t say a word about staying. Didn’t tell her how hard it had been just to sit there. He just pulled out of the lot, turning the music back up, the weight of the morning tucked away where she couldn’t see it.