“Well hello there Luke… I would ask how you are doing, but it seems you have a lot going on.”
Luke let out a half - chuckle, one that was laced with embarrassment and a bit of regret. He continued looking at the floor with his hands clasped together until Theo decided to sit down.
Luke looked up as the counselor begin to ask him questions and give his opinions. His eyes were twinged with guilt that was unreconciled within himself.
“Well… Let me start my firstly saying… You are a little young to be engaged… Secondly, that being said… I feel like if you were 100% sure you were ready to be married then you wouldn’t be questioning things.”
Luke nodded and looked down at the floor again, not really knowing what to say. He didn’t exactly agree with that.
“I get not knowing if you like guys. It took me a little while to figure that out myself… Well actually it wasn’t till my ex girlfriend just up and left me. Anyways… This isn’t about me. So… Enzo… Huh?”
“… Yeah…”
“Doesn’t he have a girlfriend??? Aren’t they serious too? Have you ever told him… that you think you like him?”
“I never told him that I liked him…well because we… Never really talked. The last time we talked we were working on a project together. I think it was a culture or language project? I honestly don’t remember. I got an F on that project anyways. He got a better grade than me. We were both sort of… In our own worlds. Especially since I was focused on Wren and I think he… Well he was off with his girlfriend I suppose. Her name is Jada…I did something that was kinda embarrassing” He scratched the back of his head and let out a deep sigh. He didn’t know if he should say the next part or not. “When me and Wren took a trip to Minnesota during Christmas to visit my family, i was havin’ a hard time. I was havin’ dreams about him and I couldn’t concentrate. I felt so guilty, tryna figure out why I had these feelings for this guy. This was the first time I ever felt somethin’ for a guy. Anyways uh, I ended up calling her… His girlfriend and asking her questions about Enzo. I don’t know why I did it. I really don’t. I regret it so much but I guess I just wanted to know what she liked about him. That maybe it could help me figure out my own feelings about him or… Feel closer to him.” He said the last part with a shrug while looking at the floor, his fingers anxiously fighting eachother.
“I think… You… well I think you should be honest with your girlfriend… Sorry I mean fiancée. I think she deserves to know. On that note, maybe you should also talk to Enzo. If he doesn’t have those feelings for you… Then why ruin your relationship… Follow your heart is the best advice I can give you. Sometimes… You got to explore things to know.”
“I tried to tell Wren. I was going to but when I got engaged to her I felt like there was no reason to bring it up. You know, I tried to make myself hate him. I really did and it worked for a while but then… I still love Wren and I don’t want to lose her even though… She deserves better than me. I shouldn’t have the right to feel that way but, I can’t help it. I know I was too young to get engaged, trust me people always tell me that. Sometimes I do wonder if it was a mistake but it’s only cause of these confusin’ feelings.” He let out another sigh and put his head down out of frustration. “And I can’t talk to Enzo. I’m supposed to forget about him. About these feelings. They shouldn’t even mean anything. Hell, I barely even know the guy.”
“So, I guess my question for you… is… Do you think this crush is worth messing up your relationship over? If the answer is no… Then don’t change anything. If you feel it’s worth possibly blowing your life up for… Then go for it. Ultimately the decision is yours. Nobody can feel what you feel Luke.”
He cringed at if its worth blowing your life up over. Theo probably didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh but Luke knew he needed to hear it. “I don’t even know what I want anymore because everything is so confusing. Everyday I’m confused about where this is gonna end up in the future. All I know is, I wanna be with Wren.” Luke almost said, even though I keep having dreams about him but he stopped himself. Some things were too personal to even tell a counselor.
“At your age… it is okay to not know if you like boys, girls or both. or anyone. It could be about an emotional connection versus a $3xu@l attraction. You might only have an emotional connection to Enzo… You could possibly only find him attractive and not have an emotional connection. It might not be something you can figure out overnight. However, you owe it to both yourself and your fiancée to figure it out before y’all actually get married.”
"…Maybe it’s just sexual attraction because I never even really talked to the guy."He scratched his head again and looked off into the distance, his blue eyes focusing on the wall. He knew deep down it was more, but the idea of that scared him. He looked at Theo again. “That’s why I just want this to blow over.”