”I didn’t know what to do…”
At the familiarity of the voice, Jess shut her eyes – not wanting to look at the man… not willing to look at him. She didn’t want to see him… or maybe some part of her did since the last few times they had been alone in the room he barely spoke to her at all. But after hearing he lied to her without a second thought, the idea of talking to him just… hurt.
”I thought you didn’t remember that because you obviously never reached out and then you showed up again… And. I still don’t know what to do”
After another minute of silence, Jess opened her eyes and got up from her position of laying on the ground, turning towards him with clear hurt in her eyes. Jessica had never explicitly told anyone she had a near-perfect recall. Daniel knew because he had it too, but not any of her friends. Even Dorian or Andy. It was never simply brought up in a conversation – the fact that Jessica remembered almost everything to its entirety. The voicemail to entirety. The feelings that accompanied that. Hell, her whole friendship with Dorian was filed away in her mind – from all the DMs they had sent each other, to all the times they had hung out. It was the way she remembered phone numbers without having to write them down. Having this didn’t, of course, mean she wasn’t forgetful – take one of the many times she had left her phone places. If she wasn’t thinking about it at the moment, she forgot. Though, in retrospect – her mind was always racing. Always thinking. And right now, it was filled with Dorian – and specifically, how mad she was at the current moment.
“Nothing Dorian… I don’t want anything from you. I just never expected you to lie to me. I’ve never… ever lied to you. I’ve done a lot of things, maybe hid the truth, Dorian, but I never lied,” Jessica revealed, “but you were right that day in your car. I guess I just don’t know you anymore… the guy I said I loved in that voicemail doesn’t exist anymore and he hasn’t in a bloody long time,” she finished – turning away from him as she grabbed the bottle, she had brought with her. Taking a long drink from it for the first time, letting it burn her throat until she winced in pain. After a second, she turned towards him again. “So, do what you want to do Dorian, but leave me out of it. I don’t need you coming after me because it’s obvious you don’t care.”
Though after she had said her piece, it seemed Dorian wouldn’t back down from the fight. When did he ever? Her eyes fluttered closed when he mentioned the two of them a few nights ago connected to the party where they kissed for the first time. With both, she hadn’t exactly lied…. Dorian never came out and asked her “do you remember if we kissed” – the first time she just told him “man I can barely remember what I did last night after dancing” which was technically true. “barely” could be taken any number of ways. And with the night a few days ago… she just avoided him. Went about her day.
“I never explicitly said I didn’t remember the kiss, Dorian. I did that for both of us. You were bloody dating Kara and I was with Lyonrad and neither of us needed to mess that up and I just… I didn’t know what to do. So, I didn’t lie, I just avoided the truth,” She stated – still looking at him in his eyes. “And it’s not like you ever had feelings for me so why would I go and ruin that for us Dorian?” she signed – taking another sip of the liquid in hand before speaking again. “Just like I never explicitly said I don’t remember you coming after me a few nights ago after the bartender called you instead of Dan and how we kissed before you pushed me away and spent the night together… what I don’t know is if we used a condom or not,” Jess revealed with a sigh. As good as her memory was, her dream had turned her memory into an unsure reality, so she really didn’t know if they had or hadn’t slept together. Guess this was the best time to ask as any. Though the Hey Dorian, did we have sex a few nights ago? was also a conversation she was avoiding.
Jessica was about to take another drink of the strong liquid – needing it to get through this bloody conversation before he grabbed it out of her hand and threw it on one of the rocks – causing it to smash into a million pieces. “What the f*ck Dorian,” she groaned, though soon facing him again – reeling at how close they were to each other.
” Maybe the guy you knew isn’t me but if I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be here wasting my time”
“What do you want me to say, Dorian? What is it because I don’t bloody know anymore? Do you want me to say sorry for hiding what I remembered? I’m not – I did what I thought was fcking right. I couldn’t tell you I remembered the first time or we’d hurt Kara and Lyonrad. And I couldn’t tell you I remember what happened a few nights ago because I still fcking love you and you clearly don’t and I can’t… I need to stop and that can’t happen if we keep talking about it” she muttered.
@astxrism
