[color="lightsteelblue”]Dorian DeLoughrey[/color]
I also made this playlist just to make myself cry more, click if you wanna, but I highly suggest listening to songs and watching videos I’ll be giving you before every paragraph because it sets the mood, thanks x
What was new in Dorian’s life? A lot but also not much. Besides being rich and famous there was really nothing making his life exciting. Two failed marriages could be considered exciting but that wasn’t something he was proud of. He also wasn’t proud of proposing to a girl and then getting married to someone else during his bachelor party. Not proud of keeping a ring for almost ten years in the back of his closet in hopes of finally using it one day. That ring for one specific person. A real reason why everything else wasn’t working out for him but in all honesty… he wasn’t complaining. Now, what ring and what person? Let’s just go back to the very beginning - end of high school.
{ The 1975 - Me & You Together Song }
Was he happy it was all over? Yes and no. He would miss the place, miss playing with his teammates that didn’t really like him, miss his friends he’d see almost every day but he was going to College Name, how could one be sad about that? What surprised him the most was how he made it on the list. Every sh!tty thing he’d done was almost worth it… he wasn’t proud of it but it got him to where he was. Truth be told, he lost hope at the very beginning but it somehow worked out. Both him and his sister were on it and it made him proud. But unlike him, she was on it because people liked her. His hard work really did pay off and that’s all he ever wanted, all he would keep fighting for. He was really proud of himself and sometimes that wasn’t so easy. Especially when you don’t have a lot of people supporting you, not believing in you, sometimes not even your own family. Luckily there was one person who was still there for him. To support him, to be his friend, and something more than that. He has been with Jessica for about a year and that was the happiest he has ever been. That relationship might’ve come as a surprise to many people that knew Dorian, knew them, knew how he was acting towards her when she came back. But there’s always a side of everything that you don’t really get to see, especially in Dorian’s case since he has a funny way of dealing with feelings. That’s why no one really knew how much Jessica Pierce always meant to him. How much she was actually making him happy, and how much he wanted her to feel the same way he did. Dorian was never really a patient person, never the one to plan things, especially not dates but he didn’t mind that when it came to her. Whenever they were together it felt like they were kids again, like old times, enjoying each other’s company and that was a good thing. It was a good feeling. He also didn’t mind waiting for her to recover so they could… have a bit more fun. It was hard, yes, but eventually the “contract” they made a long time ago came to life. Having sex so often was great but it wasn’t all that mattered, he wanted her to be happy. You’d think no one would really care about the two of them, no one would feel happier than him but there was someone - Davina. She didn’t expect it but she did support it, she’d support anything Jessica would do, and dating her son happened to be one of those things. Even after she walked in on the two of them but that’s another story. All was going well, for the first in a long time. It wasn’t long until he really made a name for himself, started making money at such a young age, and being signed to one of the best clubs, being called to join the first team. After his breakup with Jessica was when he really got successful - next year was his big breakthrough season. But… the breakup. That was hard on him, it came out of nowhere. The fact that he bought a ring just days before and wanted to propose to someone he loved more than anyone else, more than he could ever love anyone else shows how unexpected it was. And he really loved Jessica… he really loves Jessica, it was something he probably always knew but those feelings were just pushed to the side. After so many years she was still someone he would never completely get over. It was one beautiful year, one beautiful summer. They would spend almost every day together, taking advantage of the time before they had to go their separate ways before she had to go back to London and he to College Name. But even after he tried his best to make it work, he wanted it to work, no matter how far away they were from each other. It was hard but for him, it was worth it. Truth be told, at times he was worried about how things would end because we all know Jessica - phone dead most of the time, and with that distance that wasn’t the best thing. But would that really make him give up on her? No, it never would. Just look at what he was planning to do. Before it ended for real.
[color="lightsteelblue”] { MGK and iann dior - Sick and tired } [/color]
What made her break up with him? What made her say “I still love you but I think we’re better as friends”? Well, Dorian didn’t know. All he knew was that maybe he even made it worse… A few days later he was already in bed with another girl, trying to go back to his old ways because what was he supposed to do? Dorian never really had to fight for anyone, and maybe he didn’t even know how to do that. Usually he had girls running back to him, begging him to stop ignoring them; just remember Emily. It was always easy for him because he never really had to do anything, but most of the time he didn’t even care so it didn’t matter that much but now… this… it hurt. It really hurt and taking girls to his bed was his way of coping with this. Which turned out to be a big mistake. Really big mistake. He really thought it was over until he walked out of his bedroom, leaving the girl that was in there alone, and found a spare key on the counter. A key that wasn’t there and Jessica could deny it as much as she wanted but he knew she was there that day. And probably saw everything. He was mad at himself for a very long time, blamed himself for everything, tried to push her away because of that. Because he knew he messed up. Because he did the stupidest thing just because he was hurt. Because he still loved her. Call it luck but she wouldn’t let him do that; they stayed friends just like they always were. Things didn’t change much, just like his feelings didn’t, he just had to push them away and he was doing that by focusing on his career like he was supposed to do, for a while putting his love life to the side. Putting his feelings and ring to the side until he had his life completely sorted out… And who would’ve thought Dorian DeLoughrey would be hung up on a girl? He never really loved anyone else before, he might’ve been with someone, been with Kara but it never felt like this. It was a feeling he never experienced before making this his very first heartbreak. And heartbreaks suck. Of course, he thought it was all over but at the beginning he didn’t actually realize what was happening, how heartbroken it would make him feel when he does realize. How much he fckd up. How his heart was breaking into one too many pieces and he didn’t know how to deal with that. But it wasn’t just that. Every other bottled up feeling, memories of every time he felt worthless were slowly coming out. When that moment came he found himself doing something he never thought he would - he went back home, to his mom. Dorian was never close to his parents, it’s not a secret he never felt like he belonged in that house, was treated like he didn’t and he never showed vulnerability around them, he never wanted to talk to his mother whenever she would see something was wrong with him. Hell, she probably never even saw him cry but not many people did. That hurt side of him wasn’t something he wanted to show to people… until he found himself driving for hours to get back to his old house, get in with a key he kept and stand in the kitchen, staring at his mother as she cleaned the dishes, letting a tear roll down his cheek, waiting for her to notice him. “Dorian! Are you ins-“ Words she screamed the moment she turned around, placing her hand over her chest while holding onto the counter. Words she didn’t even finish seeing him… like that. There was an expression on her face he’d never seen before; confusion, concern almost fear but Dorian didn’t know how to react to that… he didn’t know what to do, what to say. He didn’t really have a plan, he was just there because… it hurt. “What happened? What did you do?” What did you do? Words that almost made him regret being there. Why does it always have to be something he has done? Why can’t he just get a hug, as Elodie would? “Nothing, uhm…” forcing a smile that only made it hurt more, he quickly wiped away the tears, avoiding looking at his mother. “I was in town and,” with his voice cracking after every word he tried to continue with whatever stupid thing came to his mind first. “I thought it would be nice to stop by and… say hi-” but that didn’t last for long, he couldn’t pretend everything was alright when it wasn’t, he was getting tired of doing that all his life so crossing his arms, Dorian let more and more tears fall down, tilting his head down. That was the first time in a very long time Davina wrapped her arms around her son but he couldn’t hear what she was saying, couldn’t answer her, he just sobbed, tightly hugging his mother. Thinking about the only girl he ever loved with all of his heart and lost her.
{ Conan Gray - The cut that always bleeds + Thomas Shelby - Already broken ( Paralyzed - NF ) }
What came next for him? New house, a new club, one of the highest-paid players. Press, interviews, tv, millions of followers, paparazzi on every corner, fans, girls in his dms… A real dream, right? Two beautiful nieces he loved more than anything, Dylan with a nice girl he really liked… everyone around him seemed very happy but he was still far from that, and at times it felt like he never would be completely happy. At the dinner table with his family around him, all he could talk about was his career, the goals he scored, ranking lists, his friends, team, anything but his love life. It was a topic he avoided, letting his gaze wander around while forcing a smile when his siblings would talk about it. He was happy for them, he always will be but it hurt listening about something he doubted he would ever have. At 24 he became a Goodwill Ambassador with a special focus on UNICEF’s Sports for Development program. He was trying to help as much as he could with all the money he had but of course… he had a few places around the country he’d go to whenever he needed a break. Right before he turned 24 he was dating Ariana Grande for a bit. Yes, you heard right. His biggest celebrity crush… he was finally with her, after all those years. And you’d think that would make him happy? Well, it did but not as much as he was hoping. It never really felt like a real relationship, more of a public stunt for him to get more recognition and her to be seen with someone who was almost on the top. It didn’t last long but it didn’t matter, soon he thought he found a girl for himself. A girl that almost reminded him of Emily and he always… appreciated her, before a certain thing happened. It was the last day of summer, a party one of his teammates threw that he just couldn’t miss. He couldn’t remember her name for a week but she was studying to become a nurse, had a kind smile but there was something about her that really drew him to her. An obsession, if you can call it that. “Kendall, I’m-“ he’d start. “Kennedy. And I know who you are, everyone here does. You’re kind of the best,” sweet smile, hair twirl, good choice of words, enough for him to pay attention to her. Constant texts even if he wouldn’t reply, compliments, and attempts to make him like her; it wasn’t long until he did start liking her. Or liking the attention, it was hard to tell which one it was but they started dating. It felt like the right thing to do even if he’d spend his nights wide awake in bed, holding her in his arms while thinking how he’d love if that was… someone else. It was his insecurities and fear of messing it up again that pushed him to propose to her. Fear of being left again, fear of not doing it on time, and risking not having a chance - the same thing that already happened to him. But did Dorian love her? He did… or he thought he did, he wanted to. His family didn’t think that was a good idea but he did it anyway when he was just 25. The whole wedding was planned rather quickly while he left Jessica in charge of his Vegas bachelor party… smart idea? What other option did he have? He knew he could trust her with that, knew she would give her best to make it the best party ever so he did it without hesitation. Just like he kissed her at that party without hesitation. One too many drinks and old feelings resurfacing was not the best mix. It was not the right thing to do, he was supposed to get married to another girl just days after but it felt like… he felt like he was his old, happy self. It felt like it was right because being with Jessica was the only good thing he ever had. Holding her in his arms again, her skin against his, lips on lips - everything he missed. “I love you, Jessica Pierce,” the whole night was a blur, a drunken mistake if you’d ask someone else but not to him. It wasn’t a mistake saying that, wasn’t a mistake sleeping with her that night and getting married… to her. He didn’t even need the ring he kept for so long to ask her to marry him, it simply happened but when the next morning came they needed to fix that mistake, only proving that his temporary happiness was… temporary. He never knew any different kind of happiness; she was his happiness and he didn’t have her. They got it expunged a couple of days later as if it never happened but his wedding? He called it off without a real explanation, just a few apologies and “we both know it wouldn’t work, it was too soon”. So that was a story of his sad failed engagement. An engagement that never really should’ve happened because the only thing it would’ve brought was sadness. And he had a bit to spare.
{ Peaky Blinders - Lovely (So Close) }
There is a saying “if you love someone, let them go”, if only it was that easy. A stupid saying in Dorian’s opinion, why would he let go of someone he loved? That could only cause more pain, the pain he didn’t need but that would hurt less than having hope for so many years and knowing it was a waste of time. Knowing that he was hopelessly in love with someone that only wanted to be his friend. Someone that had a hold on his heart that he couldn’t break even if he wanted to, but he had to. There will never be a day when he wouldn’t love Jessica, deep down. There will never be a day when he wouldn’t wonder how things could’ve ended if she never left, if he never let her walk away. How different his mornings would’ve been. Would he wake up to lazy kisses and cuddles, warmth on a cold day? Would he drive to different places every day to get her favorite food even if he was running late for important things? Would he let her get away with all the teasing without getting annoyed because he loved her like that? That was just wishful thinking. A false reality he had to get out of his head if he wanted to move on. But the first step was to get rid of the ring he held onto for so long… if only he’d done that before Clio found it. Clio was an Italian girl he met at a bar, not far away from his house. A bar he often visited alone as a way of escaping everything happening around him, a little break from work and personal life. She was working almost every time he was there and if she wasn’t the one to approach they would never become friends. “Glass of scotch with way too much ice,” a soft voice making him look up at a girl he’d seen there but never really paid much attention to. “I didn’t order,” his first words to her, other than his usual order with a hint of confusion in his voice. “But this is what you would’ve ordered,” a good point she had there. “How… do you know?”
“I think I’ve read about it somewhere,” through a chuckle she joked, putting some glasses to the side while staying close enough to him to continue the conversation. “Oh,” subtly rolling his eyes, he took the drink she left in front of him, looking away from her. At that moment he wasn’t thinking, he was too distracted with his own thought to understand what she was trying to say, how she was just messing with him when in his head it really did sound like she was just trying to come onto him for who he was, a famous guy… “No,” seeing his reaction, she turned to face him leaning back against the counters with a soft smile. “You’re here every Monday and Friday, you sit on the same chair and order the same thing. Every time,” Clio laughed, trying to explain but it probably only made her sound like a stalker, so with a serious expression she quietly continued, “Not many people come here. It’s hard not to notice.”
“I do that, yeah…” A soft smile appearing on Dorian’s lips, feeling stupid about his initial reaction. That was the first time he properly looked at the girl, without saying anything else. An attractive girl, had a strange accent, seemed very calm, funny maybe… observant. “Do you know how to play?” He didn’t know how long he was just looking at her before she spoke up again, with a playful smile, probably noticing him staring. His eyes darted towards where she was pointing at, a little area in a corner with dartboards. “Of course I do.”
“I get off in an hour if you want to join me?” He agreed, in a friendly way, letting a boring night turn into a not-so-boring night. Making a new friend with who he started hanging out more often, learning a bit about her every time he’d see her. Clio didn’t have much. She moved to America with her sister five years ago, running away from a toxic family, relationship… didn’t have much and the little she had wasn’t good. But she seemed happy for a person that wasn’t happy. That was one of the only times when he was hanging out with someone just because he liked their company, not because he wanted to gain something from it so he did start liking her. It was time to start liking someone else even if deep down it didn’t feel right. Even if deep down he knew that wasn’t it but he was 26 and he wanted to have someone. But love? It was hard to tell that after what happened but he once proved he didn’t chase after people, not even the ones he loved.
The ring that was in the back of his closet for so many years was now in Clio’s hands as she was sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for Dorian. She found it not long after their first anniversary and thought it was for her so she placed it back, pretending like it never happened because she didn’t want to ruin Dorian’s surprise. But he never had a surprise for her, nor was he planning anything. Maybe if that never happened he’d go down the same path he’d gone not so long ago - proposing to a girl and hoping for a good life, but this time a girl he actually liked. A few months have passed and she was just waiting… for something to happen. Usually, when you have a ring you propose to the person quickly so she was becoming more and more nervous. She was imagining all the ways he could propose to her, what he would say, practicing her reaction… but she couldn’t wait any longer. “How long were you planning to let this sit around?” Hearing the bedroom door opening and seeing Dorian walk in, she lifted the box with a playful frown. She was expecting him to get awkward, maybe embarrassed, a funny moment she could tease him about in the future but that’s not what she got. “Give it back. You don’t have the right to go through my things,” it was the first time she was seeing him react in that way, the first time he was harsh towards her and visibly angry. He didn’t hesitate to take that little box from her before opening his closet just to see if that was what he thought it was. But he knew pretty well it was - he could describe that box and ring in details if you asked him. “It’s a ring-“ she tried to say, confused by his reaction… confused was what she felt at first before he cut her off. “A ring that’s not meant for you,” with those words he turned to face her, gripping the box in his hand, not even trying to lower his voice. His gaze landed on a girl that was now up, just looking at him without saying a word, an expression he couldn’t really understand or describe. Hurt, mad, sad or disappointed? Fighting back the tears? No, she wasn’t doing that, nor was she disappointed. She’d dealt with many things, worse things so this didn’t hurt her, at least she didn’t show that. What she did show is how part of her was angry at someone she thought she could see a future with. If she didn’t they wouldn’t be having this fight. Picking up her jacket from his bed, she rushed out of the room, not giving him a chance to say anything else or even listen to him if he tried to explain what he meant by all of it. But Dorian, he just stood where he was, staring at his empty bed, not knowing how to feel and fully realizing what was happening. When he did it was too late; Clio was already gone and not picking up her phone. So if you want to know how to let people just walk away, how to let people down - Dorian is your guy. It has been a long time since he felt that hurt, since he was actually starting to like someone and then have them walk away from him but it was his fault, like it was years ago. It was only his fault and he knew that. All because of a ring…
If he really wanted to get over how he was feeling he should get rid of it, right? It’s what’s holding him back because it represents a little hope he still has… A chance he didn’t want to miss if he ever gets it and drop everything he’d have at that moment, as he did with Clio. It wouldn’t be a problem for him. But he tried to sell it and it didn’t go as planned. It was just days after Clio broke up with him; he was sitting in his car staring at the box for God knows how long, in front of the shop. It was easy - get out of the car, return it or sell it, just whatever, and go back home. Just get out of the car and do it… he kind of did do it. Well, get out of the car at least. When he got home… and returned the box to where it always was for so many years. Not feeling bad about his decision even if it was completely ruining him. He didn’t want to sell it. He didn’t want to return it. He didn’t know what exactly he wanted to do with it but it was still there and it hurt more than it ever did.
[color="lightsteelblue”]{ blackbear - cheers }[/color]
That happened around 5 months before the reunion, 5 months before he found himself standing in front of a yacht he’d be spending 2 days on, alone. Not bad, no, but how excited was he about it? Not as much. Most people he’d be seeing there he forgot about, others he kept in touch with or just knew something about because of Elodie or Andy. Like Sadie and Jordan, Valerie and Daniel, Jessica… He was still close with Elias and Theo, Riker of course. Brandon was on his good list as well, surprisingly. The rest? Yara was a nice girl, he didn’t have a problem with her, but he didn’t want to have a problem with anyone now. They were all too old for that, it was getting ridiculous. Delilah he’d seen on tv but before that she basically disappeared. The girl that set the castle on fire 10 years ago, Ruby, she was in prison, right? It was bad, yes, but interesting to think about, it made him wonder where she was now and what happened to her. All his thoughts as he was standing in front of the yacht preparing to step in, and the more he thought about it all the more the idea of this reunion starter growing on him.
Once he did that, he glanced around with a soft smile, spotting all the familiar faces and faces he hasn’t seen in a while, didn’t recognize and just walked around with his hands in his pockets before finding himself in front of a bar. He never was a drinker, except that time before he met Clio but he stopped. It wasn’t a big problem, he just felt better this way but this day… yeah, he would probably need it. That’s when he noticed a former student on the other side of the bar, Delilah, and with a glass in his hand, he walked to her. “Do… I know you from somewhere?” Smiling, he tried to joke with a girl he last talked to ten years ago, resting his back against the counter.
@novella - Delilah
