What If? - Jezebel never met Jordan
Jordan Williams, the person who without a doubt changed Jezebel’s life for the better, who had more of an impact on her life than anyone else. Jordan may say that Jezebel saved his life, but in a way he saved hers just the same. Jordan was the person who truly showed Jezebel what it was like to be genuinely cared about, he was someone who always showed her that she was worth more. Even when she barely knew him, he was a light in her life, and the closer they became, the more he taught her love. He’s the reason she discovered what love was. Her mother never even said the words, her grandmother only saw her mother’s mistakes in Jezebel, and her grandfather, though he did love her and tried to take care of her, Jezebel was still a reminder of his own mistakes with her mother. Jezebel grew up wishing for affection, to feel important, to feel loved, and Jordan taught her that she deserved it just for being herself. But what if Jezebel Sloane never met Jordan Williams?
Her last day of school in Beryl was sad, she was leaving behind everyone she knew, her friends, including someone who had recently become her best friend, Daniel Parker. With reluctant goodbyes, she was picked up from school by her grandma and mother, who weren’t bringing her back to the home she left that morning, but taking her to their new home, a few hours away. After Jezebel’s grandfather died, there was less of a hold on the Sloane family to keep them in Beryl. That’s why when the opportunity came for a new position in a different hospital, Jezebel’s grandmother decided to take it. Dana couldn’t exactly take care of Jezebel entirely on her own, especially not with the same financial security, so that made it all the more certain that Jezebel was moving with her mother and grandmother away from everything she ever knew.
It was in high school that Jezebel really started to shine. She had to be everything her mother wanted her to be. Any grade less than an A was unacceptable and extracurriculars that would do well for college applications were a must. She had to do everything perfectly. She needed to make her mother proud, and she couldn’t let anyone at school know what her life was like at home. When her mother was home, if Jezebel so much as thought about stepping out of line, the yelling would begin. Then her grandmother, when she wasn’t working, would point out to Jezebel how Dana had made more than her share of mistakes in high school, and that she shouldn’t make the same. They held high standards, but not within reason. Doing her best was never enough to please them, especially not her mother.
Going to school was her escape. She had her academics, her extracurriculars, her classmates. Jezebel needed some form of affection, she needed to know people liked her. She had to be the nice, smart, interesting, popular girl. She needed everyone to know her, to like her. Whatever it took, she needed the attention, because that was as close as she could get to the feeling of being cared about, the feeling that she craved. She had to pretend in front of everyone. She had to act confident, self assured, and so much more, but that’s not how she was on the inside. That’s where she felt alone and neglected, unloved, and like she would never be good enough to deserve anything good, anything real.
In high school, she was the it girl, the girl everyone wanted to be, not knowing anything about the real Jezebel Sloane. Even if it wasn’t real, Jezebel could feel wanted. She had the looks, the people, and even the titles. The title of homecoming queen in her junior year, and of course prom queen as a senior. She had everything a high school girl could want, but it still wasn’t enough to earn her mother’s approval.
When she graduated, for once Jezebel made a decision knowing it wouldn’t meet the approval of her family. She didn’t want to go to medical school and become a surgeon like her grandparents. She wanted something different, settling on graphic design, with some marketing as well. With college, it also meant that for the first time in her life she wouldn’t be living with her mother and grandmother. Living on campus would expose her to more people, a different lifestyle, and it would make for some distance between her and her family. Distance from her family was a good thing, but things did not get better.
No matter how much she tried to act like she had her life together, her love life only made things worse. Even in high school, the guys she would date weren’t good for her. Whether they ranged from controlling to cheaters, they weren’t examples of a good relationship. Her high school boyfriend was cheating on her for the entirety of senior year, but all he had to do was tell her she was beautiful and that he loved her, to get her to forgive him. As far as she knew, that’s what love was. Her mother would say cruel things and wouldn’t always be there for her, but it was fine. Her mother loved her, right? Her past boyfriends, even toxic, said they loved her, so it was fine, right?
Perhaps if someone had taken the time to show Jezebel what a relationship should be, to show her what real love was like, she wouldn’t have found herself with her worst boyfriend yet. A year into college, they met and there was a charm she couldn’t deny. Charismatic, but with an edge. He drew her in from the first moment, and Jezebel was head over heels for him. He said all the right words, that she was beautiful and he couldn’t keep his hands off of her, that she was special, that he wanted her. Everything he said pulled her in, but everything turned worse the longer they were together, but a few simple words kept her there. He loved her.
“Jezebel, come on.” He said, waiting impatiently. “Give me just another minute Ryan. I’m looking at what’s here.” Jezebel answered, looking for a flavor of lip balm that she liked. She could hear his sigh before he stepped in front of her, grabbing a flavor she likely wouldn’t have chosen and passed it to her. “Get this.” Jezebel looked to the lip balm he placed in her hand, then glanced back to the other options, seeing a different one she would’ve rather had instead, but before she could protest, Ryan spoke up again. “I like this flavor, get this one.” He spoke with determination, leaning in to whisper in her ear. “I won’t be able to get enough of you and your lips, and you’d like that, right?” Jezebel nodded slightly, looking for his approval as she agreed, “If you like it, how can I say no?” With her agreement, he smiled, wrapping an arm around her. “Good, so let’s get out of here.”
Situations like the lip balm were only the beginning, with him controlling her choice through her doing anything to please him. The manipulation grew, especially after she moved in with him. When everything was good, Jezebel couldn’t imagine any way that Ryan could be more perfect. He was romantic, he cared about her, he showed her that she mattered to him. He just… he had some problems with his temper. If she did something he didn’t like, he made it clear. Yelling, telling her she was useless and could never do anything right. Everything he would say in those moments of passionate anger would hurt, just like in the way her mother’s words would hurt her. Then, when the fight was over, when he calmed down, he would go back to Jezebel and say every apology he could. Tell her that he was sorry, that he would love her like nobody else could, and that he would try to be more understanding next time, if she would try to be better herself. Though, it didn’t matter how hard Jezebel tried to be perfect, not only in school, but in the way Ryan saw her, she couldn’t keep him happy. She always did something wrong, and she had the bruises to prove it. It started off as he would sometimes grab her arm too tight, but then came the first time he hit her, and that first time was far from the last. When he was upset, she became something for him to take it out on. If she had so much as a hair out of place compared to what Ryan wanted on anything, the physical pain was as harsh as the emotional pain.
Jezebel opened the door to find a face that she had seen before. She didn’t know his name, but she knew the face, he was someone she had seen Ryan around. She was certain he was the face of someone she had seen with him just a couple of weeks prior, when she was having lunch with a friend who was about to leave the area now that graduation was over. That afternoon with her friend, it was as if she didn’t have a worry in the world. A bright smile, cheerful laugh, and a reluctant goodbye to her friend, all while keeping the imperfection hidden. What good would it do anyone if she let anyone see her upset or in pain? What use was there in showing and just how weak and vulnerable she really was? Though, that’s not what mattered at that moment. What mattered was the man at the door. “You must be here for Ryan, right?” She asked as she opened the door further to let him in. “He’ll be back any minute, you can wait here.” Jezebel said, making a gesture towards the kitchen, right by the entrance, where she had been moments prior. She nodded slightly as she heard the man simply say, “Thanks” before standing by the wall with his head down, as though he was trying to be as non-intrusive as possible. After a few minutes she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked over towards him. “You can sit down, if you want…” she said, pointing towards the chair at the kitchen counter opposite her. “You just look uncomfortable standing over there… and just… please sit. It’d make me feel better, really.” Jezebel said, not wanting him to feel like he was imposing. At that point, she felt as though she was the one in the way, making him wait for her boyfriend to return. When he sat down like she encouraged, the man brought his gaze up to look at her, for the first time really. Though, she averted her eyes to avoid meeting his now that he was looking her way. Then came the question that Jezebel would often try to avoid if she was hurt. “Are you okay, what happened?” He asked cautiously, pointing towards her face, where her lower lip had a cut that hadn’t healed yet, then to her hand, where she was wearing a brace. “Oh it’s nothing. I’m just a bit of a klutz with a knack for getting myself hurt really.” Jezebel said in a nonchalant manner, as if saying it like it was true would make it fully true. She wasn’t someone who was clumsy, but she did have a way of getting herself hurt… Though, it was then that the door finally opened again, stopping the man from asking a follow up question.
When Ryan walked in Jezebel looked to him with a smile, though her eyes were those of begging, hoping that she hadn’t done something to anger him. He walked over towards Jezebel, stopping to look in the fridge, then turning towards her. He stepped close, his voice low, but stern. “I thought you were getting more beer while you were out.” Ryan said as Jezebel’s gase hit the floor. “I… I’m sorry, they were out of the kind you like… but I’ll try other places to get the right kind next time…” As Jezebel answered, Ryan looked her over in more detail, holding a strand of her hair in his hand. “And I thought you were going to do your hair in that lighter blonde like we talked about.” Jezebel glanced back up at her boyfriend, before bringing her gaze back to the ground, thinking about how he had told her that a lighter blonde would look prettier than her usual, more medium blonde color. Though, if she were being honest, she liked the blonde it had been, especially if she were to let some of her natural brown show. She had even wondered about going back to her natural color completely, but Ryan had made it clear that he preferred blondes. “I hadn’t gotten the chance yet. I was about to, but…” she started, but was cut off by Ryan. “It’s always an excuse with you, isn’t it?” He said, sounding almost repulsed, his volume beginning to raise slightly.
Her eyes didn’t leave the ground again until after she heard the voice of the man who was there to see Ryan. “If you don’t mind, Ryan, I don’t have all fcking night” Jezebel looked to the man, then to Ryan. “I let him in to wait since I knew you would be back any minute.” Jezebel said softly as Ryan’s attention shifted to the other man, though appearing slightly irritated by Jezebel’s words. Ryan pulled the cash out of his back pocket and set it on the counter. Jezebel normally wasn’t around when Ryan made these purchases, as he knew, even having given her a look to say that she should get out of the way. She barely began to get the words out, questioning his purchase of who knows what kind of illicit drugs, reaching out to touch Ryan’s arm, when he turned back towards her. The look in his eyes said it first, she had pushed too far. She knew she messed up even before he gripped her by the wrist. Even if it weren’t for the brace she already had on that hand, his tight grip and the slight twist of her wrist would’ve been painful. There was no hiding her wince or slight whimper. “Get your nose out of where it doesn’t f^^king belong.” Ryan threatened. It was clear that he wanted her out of his business, but she knew it didn’t require any further action on her part for him to act upon his threat once they were alone.
Jezebel didn’t think the other guy was watching, simply counting the cash Ryan had given him, but next thing she knew, he had come over and pushed Ryan away from her. By that point, her eyes were already welling up with tears as she looked at the man, for the first time making eye contact as he asked “Are you okay?” Even if she said she was, it wouldn’t have been true. All she could do was hold her arm close to her chest and step back all the way to the opposite wall, knowing this would only make Ryan all the more furious. She watched as Ryan was yelling at the man, who only chose to toss the cash to the floor. “Because of that little stunt and your disrespect towards your own fcking women, that’s not enough. Price has been raised.” With those words, Jezebel could see a fire growing in Ryan’s gaze. “You gotta be f^^^ing kidding me.” From her angle, she couldn’t see the look on the man’s face, but in a matter of seconds, came the first punch. Then, with a sigh, came the words, “Shouldn’t have done that” and the fight began.
Jezebel couldn’t watch, she just kept her head down between her knees as she sat on the floor, knowing she was the reason for the fight, knowing that Ryan’s anger would soon be directed towards her. The most she could do was prepare herself for the fallout. Though, to her surprise the next face she saw wasn’t Ryan’s. She looked up to meet the eyes of the man who was there to sell drugs to her boyfriend, the briefcase he had come in with in hand. “Look, you can cry and wait for that b^stard to wake up… which honestly I don’t suggest or you can come with me for a few days where he can’t find you.” He knew it, she knew it, staying around and waiting for Ryan to wake up was a bad idea. She needed to let him have space, time to cool off. He wouldn’t react well to her leaving like that, but it was the lesser of two evils compared to staying for the time being. Even standing up, there was still an uncertainty in Jezebel’s mind. “I… I don’t know you, can I trust you?” She asked, only to see him look over in Ryan’s direction with the words, “Can you trust him?” That was a hard question, one she couldn’t necessarily answer “yes” to. She knew what to expect with him, but she didn’t feel safe. With that, the answer was clear. She was going to go with the man she had just met.
It was only after they were outside that Jezebel finally spoke. “Can you at least tell me who you are? I’m Jezebel.” She said, introducing herself. The man was still a complete stranger, even if she was choosing to trust him, but she at the very least needed something to call him. She watched him nod in response to her telling him her name. “Just call me J” he answered, limiting how much he told her. Full name or not, he was doing something for Jezebel that she needed more than anything. He was helping her when she needed it most. This man she had just met had done more to protect her than anyone else in her life ever had, and whether he knew it or not, he truly was saving her life.
@benitz786 - Jordan (and Dan was quickly mentioned too)