With the way he acted, Dorian expected this would end badly, at least worse than it did. She had the right to be mad, he couldn’t deny that, especially after his outburst that he… doesn’t really regret. It was good for him. Good to just… talk about what was on his mind and not pretend he doesn’t care about those things, when he really does. He expected she would say something to him, he expected she would push him, slap him, just something… So he couldn’t help and smile when she finally pushed him for the first time. He was already irritated enough so that didn’t bother him that much. Wow, a girl was mad so she pushed him. It was quite entertaining actually so with a chuckle, he quietly commented, “Come on, you can do better.”
”After you were the only fcking person that I called that night, which clearly was a bloodly mistake I-…”*
But that… that made even his sarcastic smile turn into a slight frown. A frown she wasn’t supposed to see because he had to pretend he didn’t know what she was talking about.
That was topic he desperately wanted to avoid because what she was saying was true. Jessica did leave him a message before she left, but he had no idea… Until a month ago he really did believe she left without attempting to say goodbye, without one word… but then he accidentally found her voicemail from 4 years ago, archived in his phone.
Flashback, one month ago
It was a very calm night, after a soccer practice and Dorian was with his teammates that still… actually… tolerated him. Of course, it wasn’t the whole team, just a few guys and he appreciated that - appreciated that he still had them by his side, that they didn’t give up on him, didn’t completely start ignoring everything he was saying, and acted like they weren’t a team. Because that’s what he cared the most about now - soccer and his team, even if they absolutely despised him. And he felt good at that moment, happy, as they were sitting at the first fast food place they found, sharing way too many fries and talking about the practice they just had, talking about girls and most random things, things you’d expect teenage boys would talk about. He was just smiling at them for a second, appreciating that very moment, the one he doesn’t experience that often before someone mentioned the last party they went to which only caused them all to burst into laughter. “Dude, I honestly don’t remember what I’ve sent you but I’m sorry, just don’t show-“, Taylor leaned back in his seat, laughing as he was slowly running his fingers through his hair, his eyes glued on Dorian. “Don’t show anyone? Ok, let’s see what you were doing at that party,” a playfully smile appeared on Dorian’s lips, reaching for his phone that was in the pocket of his jacket. He remembers Taylor sending him a voicemail that night, and from the very first second of it he could tell Taylor was wasted. And he wasn’t surprised. “I’m glad I wasn’t there with you, damn,” Dorian said through a laugh, listening to voicemail with his friends as Taylor’s cheeks were slowly turning red, but he wasn’t mad. No, he was laughing with them. As the guys continued joking about it, Dorian kept scrolling hoping there were more voicemails from Tyler so they could tease him for a bit longer… Well, until he saw something that left him confused and shocked in a second. He had to blink a few times in case his mind was playing tricks on him but it wasn’t. It wasn’t and he wished it was. “Give me a second,” Dorian mumbled as he abruptly stood up from the table and without saying anything else walked away from the group. “Who is it now? Hey, I just remembered one girl was asking about you,” he heard their voices but ignored them, letting the door close behind him as he rushed out of the restaurant to the half-empty parking lot. It was a very starry night, a clear night with no clouds, not something Dorian usually pays attention to or cares about but now he did as his mind went blank for a couple of seconds, refusing to believe in what he was seeing.
There was an archived voicemail he never noticed before. He wasn’t even the one who archived it which made the whole thing more mysterious but his heart dropped when he saw the date and who it was from. It was a voicemail from four years ago and even if it said it was from “not important” he knew exactly who it was. He was the one that changed Jessica’s name to “not important”, after all. It was an old number he still had on his phone and didn’t delete… just in case. So now, he was just staring at that long voicemail, from the date he remembers so clearly. Of course, he remembers the exact date she left town. Country. He remembers calling her that night but she never picked up, he blamed it on being so late so he went to bed. He wanted to tell her all about his date with Kara, at least that’s what he thought he wanted to tell her. She was still his best friend and she would be happy for him even after the… that one night, right? But everything changed the next morning when he called her again… and again… and again, and she never picked up. Not the day after. Not the week after. A month… That’s when he stopped. If she really wanted to get away from them all she was doing one bloody good job. And God knows how many nights he’s spent just staring out of his window, hoping she would show up. And she never did, not to this day. He hasn’t heard her voice in four years. Four very long years and you’d think he’d never get over his best friend just leaving him with no explanation. Of course, he never got over it but it was easier to pretend he did so he didn’t have to explain how hurt he still was. And he started hating her for that. He started hating her for that so much. Such passionate hate. But not her, as he likes to think, he hated what she did.
Dorian felt like he spent an eternity just staring at his phone, thorn between listening to it and completely deleting it because if it was important she would’ve reached out to him. She would’ve said… something. Anything. One word, that’s all he needed. But he did it, he started listening to it after taking a deep breath in. “I have to do something that I really don’t want to do Dori…” The first thing he heard. Her voice. His whole body was quickly covered with goosebumps realising that everything was… It was his fault. He couldn’t even focus on what else she was saying, his mind racing and before he knew it, the voicemail was over with her saying “Bye. Love.” You know that saying “a weight is off your shoulders”? Well, in his situation the weight just fell on his shoulders and he sat down on the edge of the sidewalk, staring at his phone, not knowing how to feel or what to think. Not knowing how to process everything. Playing the voicemail again, he put his phone down on the grown and rested his elbows on his knees, intertwining his fingers over his lips.
“I don’t think we’ll ever see each other again.”
“Just know that I’m sorry.”
“I love you.”
“I know I said I didn’t remember it but…”
Words that kept repeating in his head over and over again as his eyes were glued to the ground. Hearing that hurt more than when she left, if that was possible. And just like her words that were repeating in his head, he played the voicemail for at least 10 more times. And even more. Pausing after every word. He was feeling all kind of emotions - he was mad at himself, he was disappointed in himself, he was sad, devastated, happy that she actually left him a message…. She actually left him a message. That was the hardest thing to think about. All this time he was thinking she didn’t even bother to say goodbye to him but she did, and he was the one who missed that and messed it all up. She left him a message - a thought that brought a smile and a frown to his face. Things could’ve been different now if he only heard that voicemail that night. But he didn’t and everything was his fault now. He could’ve told her everything he wanted to say, what she actually said in it but he didn’t because he didn’t know. He could’ve told her he was feeling the same way, that he also thought there was something more between them. That he couldn’t stop thinking about her which she wouldn’t like because he was with someone else at that time. That if she left he wouldn’t only lose his best friend but someone he was starting to love. A short chuckle escaped his lips, remembering the way she acted after that party, claiming she couldn’t remember anything when she did. Such a Jessica move. But it was quickly replaced with a sigh as he rubbed his eyes he could feel were starting to… water. He was feeling bad for doing something she couldn’t remember but she does. And it meant something to her. But that doesn’t matter to her anymore and it probably never will again.
The next hard part was going back inside and coming up with a story to why he was gone for so long. Mentioning the voicemail was not something he was planning to do. He didn’t even want to mention it to her if they ever talk again. Because he learned how to live without her, how to be good with only himself and it wouldn’t make any difference. He was too hurt to forgive her for leaving even if he was the one to blame for how things ended.
End of flashback
“What the hell are you talking about,” furrowing his brows, he tried to act confused, like he had no idea what she was talking about while actually… he was hurt. Even if it’s been a month he still didn’t know how to act or what to think about it. How to deal with it. So he tried to keep that confused act and just let her talk, hoping she wouldn’t mention it again because this was not the place for that conversation. And luckily she did, but she also quickly left him and went to make a call.
He should’ve be happy she was out of his sight, even for ten minutes but he kept looking in that direction, letting out a sigh he’s been holding in for a long time.
@benitz786
Why you gotta be so ruudeeeeeee, don’t you know she’s human tooooooo 
